Over-thinker/Always Negative.

I don't know if this is the right category to post this in, but I don't know what's wrong with me so I just picked a general one.
I've had these thoughts for years, as long as I can remember. When I was little I was always angry and would just take out my frustations by being rude and mean to my family. Now I just want to try and 'cure' myself.

I'm on Effexor for depression/anxiety, but the Dr. who perscribed it to me would give it to anyone who asked so I don't really trust her opinion.
I'm considering talking to someone about this but I figured I'd just post on this board first, to see if any of you say anything that reall hits home for me.

I tried to point form what goes on in my head...
• I always over think things, in a negative way.
• If someone is mad at me, I just get MORE mad at them so then I’m the one in control and they have to work to make me not mad at them anymore.
• I analyze everything from the last time someone smiles, to how they’re sitting in relation to me.
• If someone says something like “you’re too argumentative” I will go to the extreme for a few hours/days and never ever be argumentative to prove a point.
• Before I say or do anything I think about how it will be perceived by the other person/people.
• A lot of time I’ve been told I’m looking too far into something, ex. A comment someone makes will get me thinking and asking question for weeks, and the person will say “geez, it wasn’t supposed to be such a big deal...”, or “you’re making a big deal out of nothing”.
• I feel like people (particularly my boyfriend) like me less when I’m eating around them.
• I’ve come to a sort of conclusion that my mind is my enemy and all of my negative thoughts are irrational, but it doesn’t stop me from being hurt/upset from them. I’ve convinced myself (Breah) not to trust myself (my mind).
• When I’m trying to go to sleep there are so many thoughts running threw my head that I have to consciously tell my mind to stop so that I can go to sleep. Otherwise I would be up all night worrying/analyzing.
• I want to be in control of my thoughts and I don’t feel like I am. At all.
• Even the thought of going to a psychologist scares me because I’ve heard that patients sometimes believe they have more of a problem than they ever do, just because of therapy.
• I always wonder if I’m the only one in the world with these thoughts, and why I am so “crazy”.
• I constantly monitor how much of this information I give to people because I don’t want to be characterized as crazy, or out-of-control of my thoughts.
• When I’m happy/laughing I’m extremely happy, but my mood can change for ANY reason and extremely fast. Ex. If someone says my laugh is weird, or if they look at me funny.
• I do research on the internet about everything. I thought of googleing “what does it mean when a guy says ‘love ya’ instead of ‘I love you’.”
• I feel like I’m always trying to know what’s on a person’s mind without them telling me. I try to dig deep into their words/actions and feel like I can maybe discover something about them that even they didn’t realize, until I brought it up. But that just frustrates people because it looks like I’m over-analyzing them, and I’m sure it makes them feel uncomfortable.
• But at the same time I don’t like to tell people if they do something that bothers me, because I know if they stop doing that certain thing it is just because I told them I didn’t like it and not because they don’t WANT to do that thing. Ex. “Don’t laugh at me”, then they don’t do it anymore. But when we’re together I’ll just be thinking “I bet if I didn’t say anything, they’d be laughing at me right now”. (Not a good example..)
• I try and attribute all of these irrational thoughts to something else. Ex. I’m PMSing, I haven’t got enough sleep, I’m hungry, I’ve been working a lot, etc. But I am starting to realize that these thoughts are consistent, but the excuses are not.
• I feel like I ruin relationships, and I make problems where there is none present. But at the same time, I feel like I deserve to be in a relationship where there is no way any of these thoughts would be present.


So any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks a lot.

Hi,

You are certainly not the only one who behaves/thinks in this way. This thought alone should be somewhat comforting for you (nobody wants to feel alone, right?). What else...? Oh yeh, you seem to fear losing control over things. A better way to put this, however, is to say that you hate the unpredictable. If you are going on a new bus route, for example, I bet you get nervous about it?; or if you have to meet someone new, you get nervous too, right? None of this is anything new for people like you (and I, as it turns out).

Kevin

What you've just described is what I've expierenced for years. Everything, literally every symptom you've made is something I typically do.

I'm surprised this thread hasn't been going. Is this that rare of a problem?

Some posts just go unnoticed sometimes, greyfox. This place gets very busy.

Personally, I try reading ever post, because I go through the same things and it makes me feel like I am not alone with this. Its true, man people go through this. over thinking, thinking negative, getting really nervous about everyday things. For people like you and I and many people in this forum, this is everyday life. People that don't experience this dont understand the torture we put ourselves through. Just know that it will never go away 100% but there is help and things will get better if you keep trying to find it.

- Good luck.

- Genevieve

OMG I loved your post! I was smiling the whole time because I'm exactly the same way. It's too bad we can't hang out because I feel exactly the same way. My therapist made me realize I ruin relationships because I over think it... like if someone doesn't talk to me for a day I figure it's all my fault and I go away or think their giving me a weird look or something. Way over thinking in every way... you really have to stop and think "whats the worst thing that can happen" and deeply breath because that makes you feel so much better. In a geeky way we need to get ourselves out of that "infinite loop" of thinking... this is where i lose all concentration with the rest of the world.

It sounds like you have a lot of social anxiety.

Over thinking is quite common for people with anxiety and I definitely think too much as well.

I over think everything so much that it's preventing me from passing courses in college. I've considered going to get some anti-anxiety drugs from a psychiatrist but for now my regular therapist helps.

She put me in a situation that was like in class where I had to fill out this sheet about myself. So... she said you have 1 minute to get up and write three words that describe you on the board. Well I totally blew this out of proportion and couldn't even think straight enough to think of any words. She asked how it felt and why i was feeling so wound up. In my head I was thinking...my spelling might be messed up...what if she misunderstands what i wrote...maybe this word doesn't describe me quite right...ect...

Hmm do I have general anxiety? probably, although when your in therapy it seems like they don't want you to get it in your head you have this problem but instead just help you with it. They never come out and say you have GAD it seems. Whatever, as long as it helps.

I just laugh at how wound up I get about stupid stuff.

I can take a lot of the bullet-points you put down and say yes to them.

It's bound to have already been said, but you're not alone in the way you think or feel.

Totally with you on this.

Varies from day to day too. I am fortunate to have an understanding girlfriend, but am also aware it's 'my problem' and try not to burden her or anyone else with my 'brain'.

I almost feel like I need to pinpoint why I'm so negative. My mum died when I was 2, my dad is massively negative and have had frequent 'releases of anger' from him verbally, so like father like son maybe.

I still live at home with my father and contribute much of these feelings to 'being around him'. Likely one of my character traits now for life, any advice on how to deal with them is always appreciated.

I could hide away and not talk to anyone somedays my thoughts are so negative. I give myself a real hard time if I'm not doing well at something.

Just felt like responding as I go through the same feelings regularly too.

Good luck to you all.