Alter in love was a mystery to me

Una+ wrote:Yes, you do indeed know the peculiar mixture of joy and pain that is part of loving someone with DID who is not yet fully aware of their condition. You know the hope that they will wake up and seek help.

Una, your words touch me right now at a very emotional moment. Your posts have helped me make wise healthy decisions. Hard? Yes, but as you've said:

Una+ wrote:Unfortunately we cannot fix them and I think it is healthier for us to treat them as we would treat anyone without DID. That means not making allowances for them, not protecting them from the natural consequences of their behavior, and not tolerating their hurtful behavior toward us.[*]

[*]I bolded them.

I truly thank you for sharing your thoughts and your story.

What is a serious mental illness (SMI), and I do I have one? Did you know serious mental illness is not just an expression, but has a very specific definition? In Oklahoma (USA), I would have had a serious mental illness for 1-2 years, beginning 3 years ago. The definition of SMI used there does not refer to any diagnosis; it is all about dysfunction, diagnosed or not, treated or not. Proper diagnosis and treatment improves function. Early diagnosis and treatment slows or stops the progression into dysfunction and further improves function. We have so much to gain from diagnosis and treatment.

Would you believe DID is not always rated a serious mental illness? In Illinois (USA), post traumatic stress disorder is an SMI and DID is not.

So, do I have a serious mental illness? Not anymore. When I suddenly entered my DID crisis 3 years ago, then I did meet criteria for an SMI: delayed onset PTSD. That lasted for a little over 1 year. Now with treatment (including the support of this amazing DID Forum) my symptoms no longer meet the diagnostic criteria for PTSD nor SMI. My diagnosis of DID still applies, but in terms of my functioning it is not serious.

Oklahoma State Department of Mental Health and Substance Abuse Services: DEFINITION OF SERIOUS MENTAL ILLNESS (SMI)

Blue Cross Blue Shield of Illinois: Serious Vs. Non-Serious Mental Illness

I actually logged on to ask a similar question ( and in that I want to apologize that I have not been around. I will write a little update in my own post)
My issue is a bit different though 1. The person is not a stranger. And second he is a lot younger than me (the host) my brother in law is the children's pastor at our church so we do a lot of volunteering and well so do the youth. Angel ( the 14 year old alter) I think has a huge crush on one of the youth boys. I have a really hard time trying not to come off creepy.. It's a whole group of youth that help with the kids and she ( so I ) hang around them a lot. I want to ask my T. About it but I don't really think she's going to know the answer...

whyareyousosadmommy wrote:My issue is a bit different though 1. The person is not a stranger. [...] Angel ( the 14 year old alter) I think has a huge crush on one of the youth boys. I have a really hard time trying not to come off creepy..

I can relate! The guy my Alter 5 was in love with isn't a stranger anymore. We continue to have a few contacts per year, and slowly are getting to know one another. Our relationship is complicated and intense and sometimes causes a great deal of anxiety for both of us. He now knows (or at least some parts of him know) that I think he is a multiple, and he seems to have taken it fairly well.

whyareyousosadmommy wrote:I will write a little update in my own post

I have read your thread DID Forum: New and all alone * may trigger* with interest and I look forward to reading an update on your story. Especially the part about this infatuation. I have such a soft spot for these complicated love stories! Do you have children? I want to ask you so many more questions but I'll wait for you to share in your thread.

This thread now has over 15,000 views. Wow. I hope that sharing my story in this way is more helpful to other multiples than of prurient interest to non-multiples.

Lately work in therapy has been mostly about Alter 2. He is in a bad way right now. Mostly it is the familiar problem that many of us know all too well: male alter in a female body. Partly it is about coming out. Even if I tell people I have DID, to most of them that fact tells them nothing. Meaning well, they even tell me it's all the same to them. Well, it isn't all the same to Alter 2.

Una+ wrote:Lately work in therapy has been mostly about Alter 2. He is in a bad way right now. Mostly it is the familiar problem that many of us know all too well: male alter in a female body. Partly it is about coming out. Even if I tell people I have DID, to most of them that fact tells them nothing. Meaning well, they even tell me it's all the same to them. Well, it isn't all the same to Alter 2.

We can relate Una+, it's totally frustrating. My males would totally want to be recognized, not be told 'oh to me it's all you'! I know they mean well but it's totally invalidating.
I wonder have you found things that help to deal with this? I have tried thoroughly explaining what DID is, the feeling that it's not all me -rather the opposite; that it doesn't feel like all me, and that they would like to be recognized as a separate identity by close friends. But the more I explain the weirder I become in the eyes of sadly most people so we give up. I guess the most effective thing we try to do is 'self love' but for each other. No matter how much life gets us down, we are here for each other and we understand each other.
Give our regards to your 'alter 2', I hope he'll feel better soon. Though I think it's always gonna be a sore spot, I know he can manage to climb this mountain too.

I can also relate a lot. I have a main male alter and just recently we started communicating more. Its been and still is hard to accept eachother - i feel he is invading me, and he feels misunderstood and ignored. I am trying to reach a place where we can work together. He definitely has skills i dont, and i think its important that we help eachother. The problem is he doesnt want to accept he lives in a female body.

TheCollective wrote:Give our regards to your 'alter 2', I hope he'll feel better soon. Though I think it's always gonna be a sore spot, I know he can manage to climb this mountain too.

Thank you. We know you are right. It just takes time. Sometimes it feels like this will never end, but we know from experience that changes do happen. And that means they will happen.

By the way, I shared a personal experience of becoming disoriented while driving, in another thread:
DID Forum: scary evening. That has not been a frequent problem for me, fortunately. It is very disturbing, and not just for me; it can be scary for passengers too.

Recently I had my first personal experience of something that is reported a lot here on the DID Forum. I was undergoing a minor surgical procedure when Alter 4, the one behind the amnesia wall, woke up. As usual I felt her presence manifest in the right side of my body, most strongly in my right arm. She was terrified by what was happening. I was overwhelmed with her feelings about the procedure, first fear and then grief. We began to cry. I held her hand and subvocalized an explanation of what was going on and comforting words. After a few minutes she went back inside, and I returned to normal.

Fun with databases...


This graph shows how often terms (words or phrases) are used in English language books in the Google Books collection, which runs through 2008. I find it remarkable how often "dissociation" is used, and how often "schizophrenia" is used compared to terms for DID. This second observation is especially remarkable given that these two conditions have similar prevalence.



This graph zooms in on the years 1900 to 1940 when the term "schizophrenia" took off and "multiple personality" was all but forgotten (until decades later). Note how these coincided.

Here is a composite sketch map of my system as I know it. There may be unknown alters; I have documented lost time with identity alteration that is not attributable to any known alter. A map of the system at present would show fewer and more permeable boundaries: alters 1, 3 and 5 are fused with me and my communication with alters 2 and 4 is increased.



This is the style of map I have drawn ever since 2011, when I first became fully aware of having DID, to help my therapist who was having trouble keeping track of who was who. It helped me too; in my early posts here on the DID Forum I sometimes got the labels confused.

I am sharing this map now in support of another thread:

DID Forum: Trust Issues, Therapist wants a System List