Alter in love was a mystery to me

Awe. The read count on this thread now exceeds 20,000.

This is yet another post about Alter 5's other man. Call him OM. We think he is a multiple. The last time I saw OM, some weeks ago, something happened that gave me hope that he has achieved a new level of internal communication. He and I were in a work meeting with others. He had to leave before the meeting ended. He went out of the room in a very decisive manner then a moment later came back in with a questioning look and said Yes?, as if someone had called him back. None of us had. He looked confused and a little embarrassed, and left us a second time. Did he hear a voice calling his name? Hmm...!

Most of the people in the room, including OM, know that I have DID. I told them myself long ago. The ones I have not told may know as well, since this information is circulating. I have received reports that some colleagues are going around telling others "With her you never know who is going to show up." Ha ha funny, right? That line is a stereotype about DID and I think it fits OM better than it fits me. At work I present consistently as some combination of myself and/or Alter 2, as appropriate to the situation.

Again because I told them, at least some of the people in that meeting, including OM, also know that I think OM has DID. So I think OM shows courage merely by attending a meeting with me.

Una+,

I've noticed that in your signature, your description of alter 4 has changed. This sounds like progress. If so, I'm happy for you. Just wanted to acknowledge that.

Note:edited to remove specific references to signature information in case Una+ would prefer it not described here in the future.

Yes, there is definite progress with this one, my Alter 4. Progress comes in small bursts, at long intervals, so often it feels like no progress at all, but it is there.

Communication with her is very limited, very difficult. Mostly I have only the physical sensation of her in the body on the right side, usually in that arm or that side of my face. One time she was present for sex with my husband; I was and still am very conflicted about that. Emotionally the first communication from her, now almost 4 years ago, was glee. But as is so typical of DID the glee was a mask and underneath it was sheer terror. She says very little. I have only ever heard two comments that I can attribute to her. One was out of my mouth to my therapist who had been working very hard to draw her out: a weeping "I'm sorry!" I still don't know what she was sorry about. The other was a comment to me, right out of the blue: "He said he wanted to [...]" That was clearly referring to Alter 5's other man.

Major breakthroughs came this year as I was having dental surgery. She was activated by the surgeon unconsciously stroking my right arm and I felt on my right side (only the one side) her fear then grief over the loss of a tooth. This was paradoxical for me because by then I was glad to have that troublesome tooth gone. I was able to hold her with my left arm and talk to her and comfort her. I think she heard me and I felt that she felt comforted.

I've had dental care over the years without my system ever being triggered, so the first time this happened I was quite surprised. Because I expected no triggering I had not advised the staff of my condition beyond informing them I have a dissociative disorder. Oops. My saying that much (little) did not communicate anything of significance of them. After the first incident I had to explain to several people quite a bit about what was going on. They had already noticed and complimented me on my unusual lack of pain after surgery, so I had the teaching opportunity to demonstrate in one patient (myself) both healthy and unhealthy dissociation.

I have been away from the DID Forum for weeks. I needed a break. I still do, so this post is only a "check in" to let you all know what's up.

Another one of my children needs to be evaluated for DID. This is a DID parent's nightmare. On the plus side, the evaluation will be done by a well trained, competent professional and if treatment is called for then it will be provided. My child will not be subjected to years of misdiagnosis and mistreatment or other neglect. My child has a parent who is not selfishly invested in pathological denial and avoidance and rug-sweeping.

Oh, Una, completely understandable.

Sending you positive vibes for when the results come. If, your child were to have DID, remember that he/she is very young, and thus appropriate counseling an tools will help tremendously.

We are accompanying you.

Sea

Una+ wrote:Another one of my children needs to be evaluated for DID. This is a DID parent's nightmare.

Oh, Una+, I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this. The possibility of my daughters developing DID in part due to my disorder both terrifies me and motivates me to try to recover. And yes, you are probably the best possible advocate and guide for your child if she must walk down this road. That is a very bright spot in this news. My thoughts are with you as you go through this very difficult phase.

Hi, Una, glad to see you back.

We're a second-generation multi, so we can empathize with your situation. We hope everything goes as smoothly as possible for you and your family.

MDs

Una+ wrote: Another one of my children needs to be evaluated for DID. This is a DID parent's nightmare.

We are glad to see you checking in Una+.

I'm so sorry to hear that your child is needing to be evaluated for DID, that would be so hard. It is really great though that you have sought out a knowledgable professional and are doing all that you can to help your child. I hope it goes as well as possible. Take good care of yourself during this difficult time.

Do you have to wait very long for your child to be evaluated? I hope the wait is not too long and frustrating...

Take good care.

My child's evaluation is complete. The Adolescent Dissociative Experiences Scale was administered and my child's mean score was 2.4 (on a scale of 0 to 10) which is the mean for non-dissociative disorder control groups in research with this screening tool. There were some indications of higher than normal amnesia but I do not think my child has an amnestic host.

Having reasonably ruled out DID, the recent episodes of inability to perform in school are more likely to be due to a new, severe case of performance anxiety. I witnessed the most recent episode and my DID-dar was not activated. It is very apparent that my child has a problem, but the problem does not appear to be DID. I don't know whether to say Whew or Oh no, but one thing I do know: whatever it is, it is nowhere near as scary as a diagnosis of cancer or another highly lethal condition.

Hi Una,

We're glad that you got the information you needed about your child's well-being. Keeping you both in our thoughts.

MDs