Didn't dissociate during dramatic events. What now?

Yesterday was a big day for us. Some of the things mentioned in this post can be triggering to some. Some really dramatic situations came up and I was able to stay fully present, calm and collected through-out the whole ordeal.

I'm the carer of a young woman with serious mental health issues, including DID and PTSD with psychotic features. Yesterday she lost her handle on reality and things got very dramatic and dangerous. She is in the hospital now and is safe, thankfully.

I wonder though, what do you do when things like this happen and you don't use dissociation? I didn't switch, I didn't lose time and I was fully present in the moment (as was needed as she was unsafe and armed and the professionals didn't know how to deal with her and one of them were incompetent to the point of where I am going to report him). I am okay and I am not switching out now either, but I wonder what I am supposed to do to take care of myself right now?

My main coping mechanism is and has been to dissociate. Instead yesterday I got home, sent my therapist a text detailing what had happened, had some food and went to sleep as I was so exhausted emotionally and physically from running after the girl I'm the carer for, talking to her, keeping her safe and at one point wrangling and coaxing weapons from her. This morning I woke up early, with some images of the ordeal from yesterday replaying. Nothing too disturbing but tiering. I assume this is processing as it feels more or less like "looking back on it". I have taken a long, warm shower and tried to just relax.

This is a bit jumbled as I'm still quite tired for yesterday, but my question is really: handling dramatic situations without dissociating is one thing. What are you supposed to do after?

Thank you.

Hey LLT,

I think it is really important to talk about what happened, to your therapist, and talk about what it may have stirred up in you all. I think it is important to recognise what feelings it has stirred up, what thoughts, what beliefs... going through the event and not dissociating I guess means it is all very much in your mind and needs to be acknowledged as much as you can without trying to block any of it out or push any of it down. It sounds like you handled the situation brilliantly but give yourself time to process this all, consciously.

Hugs if wanted,
B

Do you have a routine to check in with yourself? A self assessment? I would do that. Also I second Bourbon's recommendation to process this experience with your own therapist.

I do have experience handling emergencies without dissociating, and handling them really well as I think you did here, but often later I am numb and detached. Numb and detached is better than being a dysfunctional wreck, but it is not entirely healthy. It makes me temporarily less available to my family, among other things.

I think it's great you were able to handle it without dissociating and then process it in a helpful way with a healthy person- your T. That's the way it's suppose to go: handling feelings and emotions without dissoc. I can generally handle emergencies with other people in calm, cool, collect way - but like mentioned will numb out later.

I would consider what you did as progress- so what now? Cheers!!

Thank you everyone. I've really appreciated all of your replies and will try to reply more later.

*trigger warning*
I keep thinking of her using the weapons on herself over and over again from yesterday and the emotions as she almost used it on me as well (inadvertently) and it is a bit distressful to sit with. I have contacted my therapist and we have a double session tomorrow which I am thankful for. I am thinking that a good thing for me to do is talk to her about everything that happened and go through the details and talk to her about how it made me feel. I am okay but specifically all the blood from yesterday definitely brought up some emotions that are difficult to sit with. I am thankful I have a supportive therapist.

I'm very glad you were not injured- Gosh, what an experience you had.

Is it possible that your system has a different reaction to someone like you, especially someone under your care? I hired a young guy with DID, NicS, whom I met on this board, as my personal assistant. The relationship has evolved into a family (of 46 people!). I feel, we feel, that his well-being and safety is now our responsibility.

I find my system does things around him that we don't around non-DIDs, his does too. So I may dissociate into young alters in public in a way that is "careless," meaning if by myself I or someone else in the system would switch in (Dan in particular) or jump to "on duty" as nearby caretaker. But I know that NicS will be there to make sure my littles, even if they panic, have the protection of somebody who gets it completely. This has also happened when I have spent time in person with Una from this board (thanks, Una!) and via chat with another friend with DID.

There is an understanding and sympathy that is beyond words, and for my system a trust. I do the same thing for Nic's alters, especially the littles. Whatever is going on with me, if NicS gets triggered and switches in public, I stay fully present. Now I as an alter was/am designed to deal with, even move toward emergencies but this feels different. The reason is that I know I am the greatest source of safety for him and we care about his safety, we own it. The other alters are in alignment with helping him because they see themselves in him. They agree that I am the most qualified to protect so they support that fully. When one of him is protected, some of us are protected vicariously.

Not sure if any of that fits, but there it is.

I think that's a really good explanation

Thank you everyone.

Do you have a routine to check in with yourself? A self assessment? I would do that.

I am not entirely sure what this would look like. I do check in, in the sense that I do take time to listen to what my parts are trying to communicate to me and what it is I am feeling through-out the day or recognizing what emotions are present (and why) and such, if that is the type of thing you mean?

I do have experience handling emergencies without dissociating, and handling them really well as I think you did here, but often later I am numb and detached. Numb and detached is better than being a dysfunctional wreck, but it is not entirely healthy. It makes me temporarily less available to my family, among other things.

I have handled many emergencies in the past but not as many after the DID has been more of a focus so this is the first time I have been conscious of dissociation in such a setting or afterwards. Until processing with my therapist numb and detached were the most prevalent emotions I had with small bouts of tearfulness. I also experienced being physically unavailable as it triggered some emotions from the incident.

I would consider what you did as progress- so what now? Cheers!!

Thank you. I feel so too Thank you for your support.

Johnny-Jack: I think you make some good points, many of which I'm already quite aware of as this has been part of my job in this system since quite a young age. Handling emergencies has tended to always fall on me as I am able to stay calm, collected and be a reassuring presence to those around me. Even more so to DID'ers as I understand a bit more the challenges and how to most appropriately help. Specifically helping people that are in my care, I find I am even more present as of course there are the added emotional connection and a responsibility I have chosen to taken on for whichever reason. I really can identify with what you wrote.

I had my session today with my therapist. We spent almost two hours talking and I'm feeling a lot better now. We went through the whole thing chronologically as that was important to me to sort of say out loud everything that happened and process it that way and in part so that she could help me determine what I could do differently or if my emotions about it were true - e.g "I should have done more" and so forth). After this we touched on a few points of things it triggered in us as well as allowing for a place to release some of the emotions of it all which meant I was able to properly cry and feel safe to not guard myself physically which I've been having problems with (however minor) after this happened. I am not as scared now that someone can come up behind me or that someone will pull a weapon on me and so forth and considering it's been 2 days I don't think I can expect it to move along much faster than this, realistically.

My therapist commented on my crying and how she sometimes doesn't see beyond our strength and perseverance to see the pain and hurt we still live with. She, as everyone else, sees someone who is (according to my papers) "high functioning" and a relatively stable person. In therapy the switches are definitely more noticeable but we've come a long way with cooperation and we tend to work together there as well. I think it was good for her to see me crawl up in the chair and just cry and see that more vulnerable side of myself in all of this. In a way this is progress as well as she was able to see this, contain my emotion and talk me through it all and I was able to listen to her and work with her to find some solutions to some of my thoughts and emotional needs.

Thank you everyone for your help and kindness.

I am so glad you have such a good T at this time. ((hugs if wanted))