"merging" always good?

Journalgirl wrote:I suspect that this friend is did and unaware at this point.

That's what I figured. My take is: I would want to know. I would want an aware friend to tell me that I have this going on. This is the single most bitter fact of my life. I found out only in my 40's that I am a multiple. Who knew and didn't tell me?

Una+ wrote:

Journalgirl wrote:I suspect that this friend is did and unaware at this point.

That's what I figured. My take is: I would want to know. I would want an aware friend to tell me that I have this going on. This is the single most bitter fact of my life. I found out only in my 40's that I am a multiple. Who knew and didn't tell me?

I would have liked to have known sooner as well. I know or rather am becoming aware that I know a lot of people with did. So yah - I might need to sort through how/when/ if to tell people they have did. The people I have told thus far who have it didn't seem too interested in knowing - xxxooo

Una+ wrote:Is the friend a multiple too? When another person has that effect on me of powerfully drawing forward a certain part of me, often that other person is a a multiple and a certain part of them is fronting.

I have contact with only a very limited number of people in my life, and for the last few years that contact has been mostly limited to the internet, but I've been finding evidence (both clear evidence and "strong indicators") that this is true for me as well. I'm naturally somehow "drawn toward" certain people, and then I keep wondering why, "what is it that is different about them?", even long before there's any visible "evidence" or "indicator" of multiplicity, and then eventually that evidence reveals itself or is revealed. While the rest of the human population is of little to no interest to me, those few people usually have a profound effect on me, one way or another — or rather one way and then another...

It's kinda odd that even though we're are actually not even that close, my sister-in-law has made passing remarks over the years that have caught my attention, and which got me wondering "what does she mean?". Like one time at the table when she said "oh there you are! it's good to see you're back". That was odd. And she has also come to me for emotional support a few times, which made me uneasy. "Why me?" One day I was visiting my brother and her at their place, and I saw her switch to a child alter. I couldn't tell if she even recognized me or not, and I asked my brother "what on earth is going on here?..", but my brother said "nah, it's no big deal, it happens every day. just play along".

Journalgirl wrote:I suspect that most of my closer-type friends are multiples. It's these types of people that I feel most comfortable around. I thought carefully about what I would disclose at this get together ahead of time. I basically decided in advance to share that I had PTSD after my dad died. I didn't mention my parts but was sort of checking things out (something I never used to do in the past!!) I was being super careful as I did not want to activate her system if she has one and in the past I have activated other peoples systems and it was a big mess - so I took care not to do that. I suspect that this friend is did and unaware at this point.

I have one (and actually only one) old-time friend who hasn't somehow overtly "betrayed me" one way or another, and who has been stubborn enough to stay in touch, despite my usual disappearing act, and even though she lives halfway across the planet now. I see no reason not to like her, and she has never been anything but supportive to me, and she's the least intimidating person in the world. But every time I receive a message from her, I dread the thought of even replying, and it usually takes me at least a week or two to do so. Her wedding was one of the most mentally exhausting experiences of my life, even though it was actually a very simple and relaxed occasion (as far as weddings go). There definitely is "something about her" that I don't know, and that she doesn't seem to know either. And she comes from a dysfunctional family of workaholics (she's also an inveterate workaholic herself). I wonder if this "something about her" is DID, or if it's actually just her overly selfless character instead (which I guess is an integral part of what DID looks like to the world at large, right?).

Una+ wrote:That's what I figured. My take is: I would want to know. I would want an aware friend to tell me that I have this going on. This is the single most bitter fact of my life. I found out only in my 40's that I am a multiple. Who knew and didn't tell me?

I don't know, but I think timing can be a very important factor in this. Although... I guess on the other hand, by definition, there's just never "a good time", since life will always be stressful and chaotic (from your own point of view, at least) if you live with that type of issue without being aware of it. So that's something I have no idea how to approach in practice. "Knowledge is power", but... when is it too much?..

Hi noneoftheabove

I'm naturally somehow "drawn toward" certain people, and then I keep wondering why, "what is it that is different about them?", even long before there's any visible "evidence" or "indicator" of multiplicity, and then eventually that evidence reveals itself or is revealed. While the rest of the human population is of little to no interest to me, those few people usually have a profound effect on me, one way or another — or rather one way and then another...

I can very much relate to being drawn toward certain people. And now more recently I'm starting to ask myself "why?" - Are these people did like me ? or in some cases have they had trauma ? without the did (like my husband)-

It's kinda odd that even though we're are actually not even that close, my sister-in-law has made passing remarks over the years that have caught my attention, and which got me wondering "what does she mean?". Like one time at the table when she said "oh there you are! it's good to see you're back". That was odd. And she has also come to me for emotional support a few times, which made me uneasy. "Why me?" One day I was visiting my brother and her at their place, and I saw her switch to a child alter. I couldn't tell if she even recognized me or not, and I asked my brother "what on earth is going on here?..", but my brother said "nah, it's no big deal, it happens every day. just play along".

Yah this behavior seems did suspicious to me

There definitely is "something about her" that I don't know, and that she doesn't seem to know either. And she comes from a dysfunctional family of workaholics (she's also an inveterate workaholic herself). I wonder if this "something about her" is DID, or if it's actually just her overly selfless character instead (which I guess is an integral part of what DID looks like to the world at large, right?).

These are the types of things I notice as well but sometimes you can't quite pinpoint what it is with the person - if she's presenting a particular part, who knows? This could be triggering you in some way?

Una+ wrote:
That's what I figured. My take is: I would want to know. I would want an aware friend to tell me that I have this going on. This is the single most bitter fact of my life. I found out only in my 40's that I am a multiple. Who knew and didn't tell me?

I don't know, but I think timing can be a very important factor in this. Although... I guess on the other hand, by definition, there's just never "a good time", since life will always be stressful and chaotic (from your own point of view, at least) if you live with that type of issue without being aware of it. So that's something I have no idea how to approach in practice. "Knowledge is power", but... when is it too much?..

This knowledge/power thing is very interesting. I would need to be willing to disclose my own did before I could say hey I think you may have this too. and here's the problem, if I disclose too much about me, I often sense a power shift and I'm not okay with one person having too much power (maybe knowledge) in the relationship so I can't really go there with certain people. If the relationship is already more balanced, equal sharing of knowledge etc, I'm more willing to throw out 'I think you have did/parts too'- And too bad more of my friends aren't like Una+ And people here, ready to know! ready to take responsibility for their healing and growth

Xxxooo

This thread has gone off on quite a tangent. I'd like to refer you all to our other DID Forum thread Do you have DID-dar?

To return to the initial topic of "merging" aka fusion of alters, there is one really important thing to consider: if a fusion turns out to be not good then it simply won't hold and the system will revert to separate alters. So no worries! It is that easy.

Una+ wrote:This thread has gone off on quite a tangent. I'd like to refer you all to our other DID Forum thread Do you have DID-dar?

Oh, thanks Una+!

To return to the initial topic of "merging" aka fusion of alters, there is one really important thing to consider: if a fusion turns out to be not good then it simply won't hold and the system will revert to separate alters. So no worries! It is that easy.

Hah!... The simplest facts can really be the most elusive ones sometimes!