Overcoming strong amnesic barriers

Is it just a matter of time? Or is there a method that helps reduce the barriers? I have been having more amnesia and increased dissociation lately. A few things I found evidence of happening lead me to believe that one or two parts are "reaching out" to me. I appreciate their efforts (even when what they did made me ill), and I want to learn how to reply.

A few days ago, I found that my youtube/google profile name was changed to Drake. I suspect it happened the night before "someone" put windex in my sandwich and made me sick. I'd like to reach out to this part, but I have a hard time with communication. When I talked about this incident with my doc, my head got loud inside..One part wanted to relate what happened to a Deftones song, and another part was making sarcastic comments about the entire situation. It's like there is a cafeteria full of people in my head sometimes, oy.

I have no idea what to do with all of this, but I would like to learn how to communicate back in some manner.

This is good. You are making progress.

When my system gets loud inside, I find it helps to say that. "Uh, there's an uproar going on in my head" and then I attempt to repeat out loud what one of the voices is trying to say. Sometimes my doing that is enough to allow a transfer of control and that part can talk though you to the therapist.

You might also leave notes for your parts. The one who was active on the computer would be likely to see a note stuck on the computer. Or in a text file left open in a window.

Una+ wrote:When my system gets loud inside, I find it helps to say that. "Uh, there's an uproar going on in my head" and then I attempt to repeat out loud what one of the voices is trying to say. Sometimes my doing that is enough to allow a transfer of control and that part can talk though you to the therapist.

I've induced co-consciousness in the past by doing just that. I usually feel uncomfortably vulnerable when I reveal inner conversations, but I realize this is something I need to get over. Thanks for bringing it up, I hadn't realized it scared me until now.

There are many techniques your therapist can learn to use to talk through you to your alters, and talking through helps to develop better communication both internally and externally. But that does not really get at the original question of this thread, which is how to get through a strong amnestic barrier.

I have one alter who even now after 2 years of therapy is still trapped behind such a barrier. That is Alter 4. I think she...nope I know she is receiving a lot from me and the outside environment but she is not able to communicate much to me. In 2 years I have received almost no verbal communication from her. On a somatic level however she has been making a lot of progress recently in sharing the body with me and using that to communicate with me. Formerly when she occupied the body she would take full executive control and everyone else would lose time. Now sometimes she is able to "poke" me and then if I can get quiet enough and remain attentive enough for a while, I am able to receive a visual memory and a vague sense of what she wants to communicate about that memory.

For good or bad, when Alter 4 pokes me there is what DID authority Richard Kluft would describe as an overt behavioral sign of multiplicity. Today, in the time of cell phones that vibrate in our pockets, that particular behavioral sign does not seem anywhere near as bizarre as it once did. The sign is this: when I am poked usually I have a strong startle response that is quite apparent to the other people around me.

An instance of this happened at work recently during a meeting with the boss of my boss. It was exactly like I just received a silent alert of an incoming cell phone call from someone I knew was listening in on the meeting. My startle interrupted the meeting. I knew to take the call right then and there. I am somewhat out of the closet at work, so what I did was say "Excuse me a moment, someone inside wants to tell me something." The boss said "Sure, take your time." I looked inside and after a while I got an image and worked out what the import of it might be. I said "Ah, I see." Then, resuming my conversation with the boss, I said "Okay, someone inside wants me to tell you about..."

sometimes it just takes time. cuz sometimes you're just not yet ready to learn/know/find out something. and sometimes your mind won't let you until you are ready. kinda like how alters usually start to surface/become known when you're in a safer environment or a better place or when you're older and can handle it a bit better (supposedly) or stuff like that.


- cassie (age ?)

Una+ wrote:There are many techniques your therapist can learn to use to talk through you to your alters, and talking through helps to develop better communication both internally and externally. But that does not really get at the original question of this thread, which is how to get through a strong amnestic barrier.

I don't think she has ever done this. There have been times when I knew she had the attention of others. What sort of techniques are these? I've noticed that appts in which my head gets loud with their comments seem to help with creating more awareness of them.

I find my mind seems to disappear when the internal dialogue gets loud. It makes it very difficult to know what I'm thinking and feeling. Does that make sense?

tomboy24 wrote:sometimes it just takes time. cuz sometimes you're just not yet ready to learn/know/find out something. and sometimes your mind won't let you until you are ready. kinda like how alters usually start to surface/become known when you're in a safer environment or a better place or when you're older and can handle it a bit better (supposedly) or stuff like that.


- cassie (age ?)

Hey cassie,

I think you're right about that. It's a little frustrating in some ways, but I guess our mind does that to protect itself. I feel curious about who was out when I lose time, who I feel co-conscious with, etc.., but I think the amnesic barriers are still making it very hard to discover these things.

Una+ wrote:I have one alter who even now after 2 years of therapy is An instance of this happened at work recently during a meeting with the boss of my boss. It was exactly like I just received a silent alert of an incoming cell phone call from someone I knew was listening in on the meeting. My startle interrupted the meeting. I knew to take the call right then and there. I am somewhat out of the closet at work, so what I did was say "Excuse me a moment, someone inside wants to tell me something." The boss said "Sure, take your time." I looked inside and after a while I got an image and worked out what the import of it might be. I said "Ah, I see." Then, resuming my conversation with the boss, I said "Okay, someone inside wants me to tell you about..."

OMG you so brave, Una. That makes me realize that for all the daydreaming I do about disclosing at work, in reality I'm not very close. My whole life I've been in terror of someone in the outside world looking at me with that "uh oh, you are crazy" look because when I see that, I fall into a pit of "I am crazy"-ness. Worse, I might see pity. UGH. I want to avoid that so badly and it's probably cost me terribly.

As for overcoming these barriers, I would try everything you can think of. Talking aloud, writing on the computer or on paper, journaling (stream-of-consciousness writing where you're open and record anything you may hear or sense). Emotionally intending to communicate, as in sending love to a specific alter (thinking about any characteristics you may have about them), building up strong emotions of acceptance and inclusion. Sometimes these can get through to alters who don't talk, can't hear, or are too far away, behind those walls. Even if communication doesn't happen back to you, they may receive the sense of goodwill from you. One thing that really needs to be sent out is a genuine commitment on your part to share the pain or the memories. It's okay to request you not get flooded but to the extent that you're in denial, you're part of keeping the wall in place. It may actually be okay to be in denial at least temporarily, so I'd say communicating that is at least being honest.

humptydumpty wrote:

Una+ wrote:There are many techniques your therapist can learn to use to talk through you to your alters, and talking through helps to develop better communication both internally and externally. But that does not really get at the original question of this thread, which is how to get through a strong amnestic barrier.

I don't think she has ever done this. There have been times when I knew she had the attention of others. What sort of techniques are these? I've noticed that appts in which my head gets loud with their comments seem to help with creating more awareness of them.

I find my mind seems to disappear when the internal dialogue gets loud. It makes it very difficult to know what I'm thinking and feeling. Does that make sense?

Yes. This is normal for a multiple and there have been many, many descriptions of this here on the DID Forum. It is just like when you have too many applications running at once on your computer: the computer starts to thrash and performance really goes downhill and it may even get locked up. It is a lot like being in a crowd of little children all talking at once. Just as with my children, I ask my insiders to calm down, stop yelling, and take turns speaking. I try to speak for them (some are not verbal or are unable to reach me verbally) or I wait and let them try to push through and speak for themselves.

We have a thread here about the special technique of talking through: How do you to talk through the host to an insider?

Johnny-Jack wrote:OMG you so brave, Una.

Not so brave, Johnny. The typical reaction I get is "Oh, I always knew you were really weird. I guess that explains it." Sometimes I get "Uh huh. And...?" which totally pisses me off. Sometimes I get "I don't want to know," which saddens me. Sometimes I get "You are so awesome!" The reaction I want, though, is "Doh. Of course. Why didn't I see that?"