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How to create boundaries?

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How to create boundaries?

Postby Mathisco » Fri Oct 12, 2012 11:35 am

So I'm like, super new to this.
At the time I only seem to have one alter, who's name I'm still unsure of. There hasn't really been any sort of communication between us so far, and I'm not entirely sure how to initiate it. I think part of the problem could be; a) I very recently found out about him, and b) he seems very angry, almost hostile.

The main reason I want to start communicating with him is because he's been doing some things I don't particularly agree with. He's been using my phone to send very inappropriate messages to people I really don't like.
Now, obviously, things like this are very annoying to deal with the repercussions of.

But I also want to communicate with him because it would just be nice to get to know the other person living inside me.

So yeah, any advice on what to do?
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Re: How to create boundaries?

Postby Una+ » Fri Oct 12, 2012 4:28 pm

For starters, here are just a few suggestions that might work for you. You could delete from your phone the contact information of these people you do not like. You could block their numbers. You could call your service provider and have texting completely deactivated. You could be adult about it and write your alter a polite letter asking him not to text these people. Explain how you prefer to deal with them, and why.
Dx DID older woman married w kids. 0 Una, host + 3, 1, 5. 1 animal. 2 older man. 3 teen girl. 4 girl behind amnesia wall. 5 girl in love. Our thread.
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Re: How to create boundaries?

Postby tomboy24 » Sat Oct 13, 2012 6:28 am

I bet if you talk to him and let him know that you want to understand him, get to know him, all that sh*t, he won't seem so hostile. Angry alters are angry for a reason, and we tend to get even more angry when we feel like we're being ignored, or are the only ones able to say sh*t that needs to be said, or something like that. Ask him about why he's sending those texts, and again, let him know that you want to learn more about him, understand him, and where he's coming from. As long as we know we're being heard and understood, we usually don't feel so p*ssed off, or feel the need to step in every time we think we should. Even if you don't listen to what we think we should do, knowing that you talked with us, heard us, and understood us is better than feeling like we're just being f*#king ignored. I bet he's doing this for a reason, like protecting you or saying stuff that he thinks needs to be said or something. I've done similar things. Cassandra's too meek to stand up for herself half the time, and she couldn't say anything blunt when it was needed to save her life. So when I feel people have crossed a line, I step in like "F*#k you, who do you think you are?". Only problem with that is, as you said, Cassandra/the host/someone else has to deal with the repercussions of sh*t I said/did. So I have to redraw the lines, learn my boundaries, and learn when I can cross them. That comes with communication, and knowing that if a line is crossed, Cassandra won't just sit there and not let me do anything. That's a huge one- you have to let your protectors/angry alters know that if a line is crossed, they can do something. Because if they feel shoved aside, or brushed off, or like you'd rather let people walk all over you instead of let them do something, they'll get even more mad and they'll step in whenever they f*#king feel like it. We're here to protect/help you. If you want to set guidelines and sh*t, that's usually cool with most alters, but we just have to have that reassurance that yes, if someone does something that you're not cool with, we can do something about it without being nagged at or being kept from doing anything at all or some sh*t like that. (Hope this is making sense). Think of it this way: alters like us are hired bodyguards that you hired to protect you. So when there's a threat, we can't have you suddenly be like "wait! I don't want you doing anything!" and then watch you get f*#ked over by this threat. To us, that's like "what the f*#k- just let us do our jobs".

So yeah, definitely communicate with him. Talk to him, write notes, something. Let him know that you want to get to know him, you want to understand, but also let him know that you would appreciate it if he didn't txt those people at all and let him know that you want to set up guidelines for what you would or wouldn't appreciate him doing and where the lines are that he can watch for anyone crossing them. Like Cassandra's told me, if someone starts to make her feel panicked, or if someone won't back off when she asks politely, sh*t like that, then I have full freedom to come out and be like "Just try to f*#k with me, I dare you". Let him know what he can look for to tell him that he's needed. Better yet, let him know that you'll call for him when he's needed (if you're able to). I think that's when I finally started to back off a bit- when Cassandra promised me that if I was needed, even just to hover in the "background" to make sure I was close by just in case, she'd tell me. And so far, she's mostly kept up with it. (There's been a few times that I could've done something, but then again, we're both kicking ourselves for that sh*t. No one's perfect, including us).

-KAT
| Cassandra; Kat/Kataki; Rain/Riyoku; Shay/Shadow; L.C. & Luna; Ray; Cassie; Lynn |
| Prism |
| Marie; Valera; Phenix (Rebel); Dallas & Damone; Kyra; "Blank"; Bridgette; Cassidy |
| "Hannibal"; "Big Ryan"/Ryan; Keith/"Little Ryan"; Kuro |
| Hawk ; The Doctor |
| Aurora (mermaid), werewolf, silent one, black ponytail, Kichijoten, The Master |
| Maiingan |
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