How to protect yourself againts insensitive remarks?

I'm having a hard time rumiating some remarks againts me. When I think of them, it makes me sick to my stomach.

I hate people judging me. I can't cope with it.
Of course, it's even moré harmful when the comments come from an important person for me, but they hurt me anyway.

I don't need explain that the remarks don't have to do anything with the reality, but even when they were what gives a person the right to judge you?

All this, makes me question if I am overating people. Perhaps, I will become a misantropic again.

Everyone judges.How would you ever be judged positively if you can't be judged negatively??

Do you like people judge you? As an avoidant, do you like people judge you?

Don't missunderstand a judgement with a praise.

Good answer, though hard for avoidants to accept.

I'd say - if you are told something by someone you trust, then they are probably telling you the truth. Look past how it was said. Everyone says things in a way that can bring offense, for a million reasons. Perhaps they just weren't giving you their full attention at the time. So don't take it personally, and look at the facts of what they said.

Why do you assume you were judged? Remember, sensitive people think they are being judged when they are not all the time. Usually it's when they are saying something that is so completely obviously the truth that they blurt it out and it comes off as insensitive.

For example. Someone might say, your shirt clashes with your hair. Okay. Feels like a judgment. But in fact, that's just a statement of truth. Perhaps wear your hair up, or put a scarf around your neck so it's not so obvious. Would you rather run around looking like an idiot, or have someone important who knows what they are talking about point out that you're making a mistake?

Hey twistermind, sorry to hear your having these thoughts. I know it sucks. One of the things I do whenever I'm having ruminating thoughts is that I'll step in and direct an alternate ending to the movie that's running in my mind. So, there I am with the person that is so important to me(as you described). I imagine her/him secretly afflicted with a number of health issues such as incontinence, severe flatulence, irritable bowel syndrome, etc., etc. Also they've megadosed on xenical, and in my movie she's wearing white capri pants(this is mandatory). Well, there I am engaged in conversation, but before the devastating and potentially soul crushing message is delivered by the loved one,..........KBLAM!!!!!!!!COMPLETE AND UTTER DISCOMBOBULATION! He or she never even makes it to the bathroom. Insert this alternate ending or any you wish, any time the alternate thought arises, and this will be the new memory you will form. Your loved one will never be the same again, at least in your mind. Sorry, if this offended anyone, I have mental health issues.

twistermind wrote:Do you like people judge you? As an avoidant, do you like people judge you?

Don't missunderstand a judgement with a praise.

No one is talking about liking and disliking anything,it's just the way it is.Someone is mean to you,even if it's just the truth you either do something to them too or just ignore it,that's the way it goes.
Keep in mind that person not saying something bad doesn't mean they aren't thinking it,same goes for good things.

But I'm not really avoidant,so...

Private Joker wrote:Hey twistermind, sorry to hear your having these thoughts. I know it sucks. One of the things I do whenever I'm having ruminating thoughts is that I'll step in and direct an alternate ending to the movie that's running in my mind. So, there I am with the person that is so important to me(as you described). I imagine her/him secretly afflicted with a number of health issues such as incontinence, severe flatulence, irritable bowel syndrome, etc., etc. Also they've megadosed on xenical, and in my movie she's wearing white capri pants(this is mandatory). Well, there I am engaged in conversation, but before the devastating and potentially soul crushing message is delivered by the loved one,..........KBLAM!!!!!!!!COMPLETE AND UTTER DISCOMBOBULATION! He or she never even makes it to the bathroom. Insert this alternate ending or any you wish, any time the alternate thought arises, and this will be the new memory you will form. Your loved one will never be the same again, at least in your mind. Sorry, if this offended anyone, I have mental health issues.

Everyone have mental issues here. Don't worry about it. You haven't say anything bad. I'm sure I hurt any people in my life but i try to avoid it as hell bc I know how it feels.

If the technique you use works, it's fine.
Mine is to try to look for a good explanation, for a good intention, for a true basement in the remark. Many times, and here is when the problem is worst, at the expense of myself. So, I blame myself, I'm hard again with me...

Bovary wrote:

twistermind wrote:Do you like people judge you? As an avoidant, do you like people judge you?

Don't missunderstand a judgement with a praise.

No one is talking about liking and disliking anything,it's just the way it is.Someone is mean to you,even if it's just the truth you either do something to them too or just ignore it,that's the way it goes.
Keep in mind that person not saying something bad doesn't mean they aren't thinking it,same goes for good things.

But I'm not really avoidant,so...

I should have mentioned it. I'm referring to insensitive remarks, valué judgements...
As an avoidant, I find very hard to take any kind of criticism but i can take a constructive criticism from someone, moreover when it is made from carefull. I'm not a fool and I can understand the difference.
I also tell loved people a criticism with special care and if I really know it can be of help for this person, mainly if there could be a danger for him or her.

I'm not talking about this kind of criticism, even when I try to avoid them as hell. I put special care when I have to make a criticism to one of my kids (learners), and as I say I try to avoid it as hell.

I'm referring to the ones that are made from the unknowledge, from a different valué system, from another person subjectivity.

That's one of those things that i have a hard time dealing with.If someone said something negative about me it will be on my mind for the remainder of the day only if i don't distract myself with something(like listening to music, or playing videogames, watching a movie) i can even stay at home and not go out anywhere the next day if it still bugs me.Can't really protect myself from it just get it out of my mind by distracting myself with something enjoyable hoping that those painfull thoughts would wear off sooner.

I tend to avoid people who make insensitive remarks about me or about people I love, or insensitive people in general.

Recently a neighbour made very insensitive remark about close person. I just decided he didn't deserve my anger. I ended conversation politely and pursued my walk.