The Sociopathic Parent - Questionnaire

If you are a parent and are aware that you have a Sociopathic Personality (I am using this term broadly to describe antisocials, sociopaths and psychopaths alike), here is a questionnaire that I would like you to fill out:

(I am hoping this will lead to further discussion as I happen to be a sociopathic parent myself)

Age:

Gender:

Relationship Status:

Number of children, and their age/s:

Were you clinically diagnosed?

What was your motivation around having children?

What was your relationship like with your parents?

Describe your childhood?

What kind of parenting style do you have with your children?

How would you describe your relationship with your children, are you close?

Do your children know you identify as a sociopath?

Have you ever been or wanted to be cruel towards your own children (directly, indirectly)?

How would your friends or family describe your parenting skills?

How has being a parent impacted on you?

Do any of your children possess sociopathic traits?

What are some of the positives of being a sociopathic parent?

What are some of the negatives of being a sociopathic parent?

Do you think being a sociopathic parent gives you an advance/disadvantage over other parents?

What morals/beliefs do you instill in your children?

How would it affect you if your children later were diagnosed as sociopaths?

In response to my own questions:

Age: Old enough to know better and young enough not to care. (older than 30, but younger than 40)

Gender: Female

Relationship Status: Single (by choice)

Number of children, and their age/s: One child who is 14

Were you clinically diagnosed? Yes

What was your motivation around having children? No motivation. It was an unplanned pregnancy.

What was your relationship like with your parents? My father killed himself when I was quite young and my mother and I tend to avoid each other for the most part. There's no actual love between us that I am aware of. We have never been able to 'bond'.

Describe your childhood? My childhood was very abusive, both physically and psychologically for the first 17 years of my life until I finally left home.

What kind of parenting style do you have with your children? I barely like living by rules myself, so having to make rules for someone else is not something I enjoy. There are times were I do let my daughter get away with things that I know I shouldn't, which has possibly contributed to some of her current behavioral problems. I do put my foot down, so to speak, when I know it as absolutely necessary though. When it comes to discipline, I prefer to use a firm voice and take away something she enjoys for a period of time than use any type of physical abuse.

How would you describe your relationship with your children, are you close? To an extent we are close, I suppose, in the sense that she knows she can trust me and tell me anything. We probably only spend about an hour a day with each other though, if that. In all honesty, I don't enjoy spending a lot of time with her. I like doing my own thing and she seems to be content doing hers though she has complained in the past that we don't spend enough time together.

Do your children know you identify as a sociopath? No, I haven't told her. I don't feel that it's necessary at this stage.

Have you ever been or wanted to be cruel towards your own children (directly, indirectly)? I'm not an abusive parent and never have been. I went through enough of that myself growing up. I don't have a desire to be cruel towards her, but I have been neglectful over the years (not spending time together).

How would your friends or family describe your parenting skills? My mother never wanted me to have children. She sent me to a doctor when I was 17 to get myself 'fixed up' so that I couldn't fall pregnant. The doctor told me I was too young to make that kind of decision yet and to wait until I was older. Anyway, my mother obviously wasn't too happy about it. She made it clear to me that she resented having had children herself (which is always nice to know...). When I fell pregnant she did offer some support though, but she also suggested at one stage, years later, that I should adopt my daughter out or put her in foster care at least. She never actually directly told me that she was worried about my parenting skills, but when she found out I was having murder fantasies (long story), I guess she got worried that I would harm my daughter. Either that or it was just another one of her manipulative ploys to get a reaction out of me.

How has being a parent impacted on you? To be honest, I hate being a parent, but I do feel a type of maternal instinct towards my daughter in that I do want to protect and care for her.

Do any of your children possess sociopathic traits? Yes. My daughter has been a problem child from the moment she could walk. There were reports of aggression and behavioral problems in daycare, even before she started school. She has had quite a few persistent behavioral problems in school. She was suspended last year twice for fighting and has been in arguments with teachers because she didn't want to do certain studies and sports that the teacher insisted she had to do. When she was younger there were occasions where she had stolen things and she used to tie her toys arms and legs together. I found one of her toys bound and hanging off one of my exercise machines once. I questioned her about it, asking her if she was playing pretend serial killer and she said, "Yes", which in all honesty, I found amusing. She threatened to stab me once with my knife because she had been rude to me and I wouldn't let her go outside and play. She didn't actually pick up the knife though. She also drowned a lizard once in order to watch it die, which I let her do.

What are some of the positives of being a sociopathic parent? I can't think of any to be honest.

What are some of the negatives of being a sociopathic parent? There are far too many to mention here.

Do you think being a sociopathic parent gives you an advantage/disadvantage over other parents? I personally think it's a disadvantage because children need love and affection to develop a healthy mind and I am neither loving (I do tell her I love her though) or affectionate.

What morals/beliefs do you instill in your children? Never hit first, but if someone hits you first then they deserve what they get. I am trying to teach her to control her anger as she does have some impulse and anger issues.

How would it affect you if your children later were diagnosed as sociopaths? It wouldn't bother me. We are what we are.

Good you posted this. I think you both are doing fine (I was much worse a child than your daughter is (at least in my head); being too close to the parent isn't always good).

I agree with wooster - sounds like you're doing a perfectly fine job. Parents are rarely perfect, and, as you know, they can do a hell of a lot worse than you are. These stood out at me...

- You tell her you love her
- You try to get her to control her anger
- You punish her by revoking things instead of emotional of physical abuse
- She knows she can trust you

Seems like you're of the same mind as I am, in that there's an element of nature and nurture in who you are. Sounds like your daughter's nature is similar, but no reason to intentionally perpetuate the cycle...

Oh, and your mom - she sounds like a real c*nt. Her failed parenting skills certainly don't mean you can't do a better job.

abracadabra wrote:Oh, and your mom - she sounds like a real c*nt. Her failed parenting skills certainly don't mean you can't do a better job.

If there's one thing I swore I would never be like, it's my mother.

Demon wrote:If there's one thing I swore I would never be like, it's my mother.

Amen to that Demon, amen to that.

Age: Thirties

Gender: Male

Relationship Status: Married

Number of children, and their age/s: One child - early teen.

Were you clinically diagnosed? Uncertain. There's something in my record, but I don't know what that is.

What was your motivation around having children? Sex without a condom feels good.

What was your relationship like with your parents? Fine now, but very strained at times. I don't usually hold a grudge.

Describe your childhood? Neglect, extreme emotional abuse, and mild physical abuse. Moved through several homes. Bad in some places, contrasted with happiness in others.

What kind of parenting style do you have with your children? "Friend" type relationship, but enforce rules as necessary. Rights are revoked if there's potentially a problem.

How would you describe your relationship with your children, are you close? Yes - I think we have a good relationship - but, then, I don't really know what a "normal" parental relationship is like - if there even is such a thing.

Do your children know you identify as a sociopath? I don't identify as anything, so, no. He knows about a lot of my points of view, and I'm afraid some rub off on him, but I hide the darker parts.

Have you ever been or wanted to be cruel towards your own children (directly, indirectly)? Only wanted to when he was a baby, but didn't. Constantly screaming babies are frustrating. I make fun of him, but in a good-natured jesting sort of way, and he knows it, and reciprocates.

How would your friends or family describe your parenting skills? Fine.

How has being a parent impacted on you? It's my primary motivation to stay out of trouble, so it's essential in keeping me on the high road.

Do any of your children possess sociopathic traits? No. He has a callous sense of humour, but he seems prosocial, compassionate, and emotional.

What are some of the positives of being a sociopathic parent? If anybody f*cks with my family, I'll dedicate my life to destroying theirs. So, yeah - they're well taken care of

What are some of the negatives of being a sociopathic parent? Some of my callous attitudes leak off on him, and, then, there's the risk that if I were to do something wrong it would come back on him. Sometimes, I have to remind him that certain things aren't okay. I don't think this will really be much of a problem, though. He seems reasonably healthy, well adjusted, and "normal."

Do you think being a sociopathic parent gives you an advance/disadvantage over other parents? I don't think it makes much difference. I think I represent good personal traits to him, and reasonably discourage bad ones (even if I secretly have those too).

What morals/beliefs do you instill in your children? Treat others as you'd like to be treated, don't tease or bully people, be respectful, all people have value, be honest, tend to your responsibilities, anything is achievable with enough perseverance, and you can think any f*cked up thing you want, but respect that others might not think the same way. I may not embody all of these beliefs myself, but I'd like him to have a better chance than me. I'm content with how I am, but I don't wish it on anybody else.

How would it affect you if your children later were diagnosed as sociopaths? I'm only concerned with his success in life. If he achieves what he wants and it makes him happy, I couldn't care less what labels he gets.

abracadabra wrote:Have you ever been or wanted to be cruel towards your own children (directly, indirectly)? Only wanted to when he was a baby, but didn't. Constantly screaming babies are frustrating. I make fun of him, but in a good-natured jesting sort of way, and he knows it, and reciprocates.

I'm the same. I make fun of my daughter at times, but not in any harsh way. It's always jokingly, but unlike your son, my daughter doesn't reciprocate. I don't know why. She just looks at me and says, "Whatever..." Sometimes she will smile slightly when she says it, but it doesn't appear to be a genuine smile.
Does that mean she doesn't care or she is taking some mild offense to it?

Demon wrote:Does that mean she doesn't care or she is taking some mild offense to it?

It might be a teenage girl thing. Rebellion, establishing her independence, distancing herself from her mom to be cooler. I've always heard about that, but no experience with raising a teenage girl here. Or, maybe she just doesn't have the same sense of humour. I was lucky that my son has the same messed up, sick, perverse, politically incorrect sense of humour I do. We often put each other almost in tears laughing about the most messed up things imaginable. Don't know if that's good parenting or not, but I've heard laughter is good for your health, so I'm just going to run with it.

Just out of curiosity what is the motivation in raising the child? If I got a girl pregnant, she refused to have a abortion, I would just leave her and the child. Way I see it having a child is just a waste of energy and money.