Questions that only a sociopath / borderline could answer...

My ex was clinically diagnosed as having anti-social personality disorder. But she is also bipolar... and she got a second opinion that said she had Borderline Personality Disorder.

So, my question is...

Sometimes, she would do things that were really out of line and "hurtful" to a normal person. But then she appeared as though she felt a tremendous amount of guilt and shame for it. One instance I witnessed in particular had nothing to do with me. I could see she felt guilty about hurting her previous ex before me.

But here is the deal... she appeared to have genuine remorse, but when she expressed it to the person in any way, shape or form... she would then turn on them like a viper. I mean, she would vandalize their property, prank call their house, and just go out of her way to attack them and blame the whole situation on them. And after that point, she hates them and just doesn't seem to care one way or the other.

She repeated that pattern with me. She cheated on me, and had her new girlfriend send me a letter, basically threatening to kill me. But 3 weeks later... she called me out of the blue and pretended like nothing was wrong. She called back to back to back, like she felt really bad for it. But when I responded, it just got worse.

What the hell is that all about? So, is she a sociopath or borderline?

Okay, why do you say that only a 'sociopath' and/or 'borderline' can reply to your question: 'What the hell is that all about?' one of the two question you 'challenged us with' (the other being: 'is she a sociopath or borderline?')

Anyways dude, remorse is painful, but is a necessary step to repentance (as far as i'm concerned, she being remorseful doesn't means she has actually repented), so i imagine that's why she then turns into a viper (pain can drive one insane), because she can't stand or accept that she has, as a matter of fact, acted in a way that is hurtful to her (by hurting you for example).

Hello, thanks for the reply...

I said "Questions that only a sociopath or borderline could answer" as a figure of speech, because I am sure a normal person couldn't comprehend the reason why. lol...

I've read conflicting information. I've read that sociopaths have no conscious, or no feelings of guilt at all. Then, I've read that sociopaths can ALSO have borderline personality disorder. And I've also read that bipolar disorder is often misdiagnosed as borderline or antisocial behavior.

It just boggles my mind how somebody could compulsively AND impulsively go out of there way to intentionally hurt somebody, feel shame about it, and then attack some more! It's almost like she is fighting off the feelings of shame by blaming the other person for her behavior.

But yet, she processes things in such a way that she actually does feel shame, even if only for a moment. But it becomes intolerable so she lashes out to justify why she hurt the person she did. And then, she continues to inflict pain because in order to justify what she did, she has to keep on attacking the person she hurt, and make up all these reasons why she hates them, and why she is angry.

I don't know, maybe it's just meeee... but why not say something along the lines of, "I no longer wish to be in this relationship. It doesn't mean I think you are a bad person, we just aren't a very good fit." Instead of having somebody else threaten to kill me, feel shame about it, then keep the flame fanned. I don't know, it was just an extreme, over the top response. I was just wondering if borderlines and anti socials do this as well... and maybe what the point of it is?

Dude to be honest... who cares? Just try to be there for her and if you can't deal with her (for example, some people i can't deal with) well, just get away from her (for you own mental and/or physical health).

I'm trying to be as honest as i can here, the truth is that she is severely depressed and has very low self-esteem, which in consequence makes it hard for her to enjoy life (let alone communicate with people). At some point tho, it's her responsibility to raise such self-esteem (by comprehension), not yours, and if she can't, well... that's rather tragic.

Well, that was a rather profound thought... and I think you are absolutely right.

And P.S. ... I am not a "dude." She was my lesbian lovah. lol...

But anyway... I do love her to pieces. I wish I wouldn't have rushed into the relationship and bonded with her so quickly, because I had no idea what I was in for until it was too late. But otherwise, I would have been her friend forever. But it makes it really hard when you are in love and you think that person is the most beautiful, precious thing in the world... it makes you want to excuse or explain those behaviors.

I wish we wouldn't have crossed the line and just stayed good friends. Because I love her as a person, and I know why she is the way she is. But it really hurts to be in love with her, even though I do love her unconditionally.

I love her unconditionally, even if she really is a sociopath. When I say "love" I don't mean allowing myself to be a doormat, or put up with being mistreated or abused.

Even though she deserves it, I can't pity her because then I would never leave. The more pity I feel, the more I want to justify, excuse or minimize her behavior.

I just wish she could respect me, and that I didn't have to turn my back on her. I never wanted her to revolve her life around me or sacrifice herself, I just wanted some respect, thoughtfulness and consideration. But she refuses to listen or negotiate healthy boundaries with me. It's her way or the highway, so I have to hit the road. Even though I truly loved her, and I would have done anything for her within reason.

Woah, I missed a huge piece of the OP.

It's interesting that even though she's done all of these terrible things, you still want to be there for her. Most people would have split and run a long time ago. The longer you hold on, the more you're going to be hurt, unless she gets some sort of help. Willingly.

ASPD and BPD can be comorbid but it's really rare and most psychologists would never diagnose that. There's no such thing as a psychopath that feels guilt. Then again, it's pretty common for a person to start blaming themselves for the disordered person's behavior.

en_causa_sui wrote: There's no such thing as a psychopath that feels guilt

Are you a psychopath?

PhoenixTrue wrote:

en_causa_sui wrote: There's no such thing as a psychopath that feels guilt

Are you a psychopath?

Legally, I'm borderline.

PhoenixTrue wrote:

en_causa_sui wrote: There's no such thing as a psychopath that feels guilt

I would not be so sure. I think it depends on what definition we assign to guilt. If by guilt you mean that one does something, and then feels deep down that they are less of a person for doing it, and they want to try to never do it again so as to protect their ego from disappointment, then perhaps you are right. However, if you mean guilt as in feeling like you messed up on something, like you did not get something you wanted because you did this or that, and you feel like you should have known better, then I believe a psychopath can feel that.

Doesn't guilt have to involve a second party for you to feel bad for/about doing whatever it was that you did? If it's purely feeling sorry for yourself.. isn't that something else? Self pity perhaps?

By definition.. if a psychopath felt guilt, it would disable them from doing.. anything really. Even the most simple of manipulations would bother them, leading to errors further down the road, etc.. etc. Oh wait.. a psychopath who feels guilt is.. oh whats the word... on the tip of my tongue...






Normal? Yes, that's it.