crying while masturbating

After I broke up with my ex-boyfriend a year ago, I cried every time I masturbate. I feel terribly sad when I think about how I cannot make love with him anymore. Actually I was like that when he withheld sex from me. I mean, he wasn't great or anything. But I really loved him.

I even tried having sex with someone else. It was ok, but I cried again because I remembered my ex.
So I end up not masturbating anymore. Do you think the only way to solve this is to find another person I love?

If you take sex out of the equation, do you cry or feel sad just when you think about your ex?

About being with him, the non-sexual things you did together, him as a person, or things that remind you of him?

Or is it only in sexual situations and when you think about missing sex with him?

How do you feel when you cry Fairytale?

Some people cry during sex and that's okay. Some people enjoying crying or even find it erotic.

But the fact that you've stopped masturbating makes it sound like you don't like to cry. Is it the crying itself that you don't want? Or is it because thinking of your ex-boyfriend makes you feel sad and you don't want to feel sad?

By the way, why did your boyfriend withhold sex? Please know that you don't have to punish yourself by withholding sex from yourself simply because you cry.

No, I don't feel sad anymore when I am just thinking. I think my ex-bf was a bit of an asexual. We didn't do it too much. He didn't seem to enjoy it. I think maybe it's that part that was missing and I really wanted to share it with him. Maybe I put a lot of imaginations into it, and now it's simply unattainable after we broke up. I still think of him whenever I masturbate. I feel enormously sad that this is something I cannot share it with him.

Now, orgasm just leads to this huge sense of emptiness and sadness, and I will cry non-stop for a long time. I think I just miss the touch of someone I love. Maybe I feel sad that it's such a meaningless act to masturbate. So I don't do much anymore.

It's okay to cry if you're lonely and you wish you could share sex with your ex-boyfriend. It's hard to go from being physically intimate with someone to having nobody to touch.

I think it is quite possible that when you love someone else your feelings of sadness will disappear.

Meanwhile, you could try to change your view of masturbation. Pleasuring yourself is not a meaningless act. It is a way of giving yourself love. Masturbation has physical and psychological benefits. It is something you can enjoy by yourself. You can give yourself pleasure - sex doesn't have to be about pleasing a partner.

Platypus' advice was so much better than anything I could think of, but I wanted to post again just to lend you my support.

It's clear that you place huge emotional value on sex, and that it's very closely entwined with love for you. I hope that you're able to move on fully emotionally when you inevitably find a new person to love (as I'm sure you will).
As Platypus said, perhaps you can try considering the physical and psychological aspects of sex and masturbation, and see their benefits as something you can do to make yourself feel good - similar to a hot bath/pampering, or favourite food. It doesn't have to be meaningless just because it's all about you - you're important!

Thanks a lot for both of your advice. I will try. It seems like the pleasure only lasts for a few seconds, and then it's all empty after that. Is this common? Do people feel long-lasting pleasure during and after they masturbate? How do you do that? It seems different than taking a bath or other sensational activities. Maybe because one sweats a lot or the experience is more holistic? I don't know.

Perhaps I still have to overcome that "what's the point?" feeling... I think it also has to do with that most of the people I had sex with mainly treated me like an object or focused on their own pleasures.

I'm not sure that there is a 'right' way to feel after masturbation. But for me, I normally feel relaxed afterwards. I sometimes masturbate when I go to bed because it makes it easy for me to fall asleep afterwards.

I wouldn't say that I feel "long-lasting pleasure", but I usually enjoy it and that's good enough for me.

Yes, you could be stifling your experience because you don't know how to focus on your own pleasure. It is easy to fall into the habit of seeing sex as a service you provide to a partner. But it doesn't have to be that way!

Do you know how to pamper yourself in other ways? Can you take yourself out on a date, or enjoy a hot bath or your favourite food like AnxiousAna suggested? Maybe if masturbation feels pointless, you should find other ways to give yourself pleasure or love until you are more comfortable with the idea. As Ana said, you’re important – with or without a partner!

Fairytale wrote:Maybe I put a lot of imaginations into it, and now it's simply unattainable after we broke up. I still think of him whenever I masturbate. I feel enormously sad that this is something I cannot share it with him.

Now, orgasm just leads to this huge sense of emptiness and sadness, and I will cry non-stop for a long time. I think I just miss the touch of someone I love. Maybe I feel sad that it's such a meaningless act to masturbate. So I don't do much anymore.

I'm very sorry to hear of your struggle. I feel sure you will find someone else to love soon!

there have been some very good replies on this and playpus is right, you should try and make masutrbation a pleasure rather than something that makes you sad after or you feel bad about doing. Even people in a relationship can masturbate and enjoy it whether alone or with their partner, but it is something to be enjoyed when alone.
There have been times when i have held off orgasmsing for as long as I can to enjoy the experience or being aroused rather than just a quick ending, but I have felt a bit flat afterwards sometimes, usually when i let it happen very quickly. I dont know why that would be maybe someone can answer that for me please.
I hope you find a way to enjoy yourself in all ways soon, dont give up.