Has my past lead to Asexuality?

This is my first time talking about this, even online. I've never really thought about my lack of sexual attraction towards either males or females, but after being with my boyfriend for three years and not wanting or feeling any need for sex, I think I need to look more into it. First let me just say my boyfriend is in no way pressuring me. He infact is rather shy and has only just recently began to ask for a more physical relationship.

The reason this is in the sexual abuse forum (I think this is where this kinda of question should go. Tell me if I'm wrong please.) is because of my experiences when growing up.

The first time something bad happened, I was to young to understand. I was only around 6 or 7 when this boy took me behind the fence of the playground quiet area and made me touch him. I don't remember being scared or upset, I must of thought it was a game. I don't remember him touching me at all so I'm not sure if it counts as sexual assault, he just got me to touch him and then said this was our little secret and I shouldn't tell anyone. He was wearing a high school uniform, so he must have been 14 at the youngest. Now, looking back and remembering the most disturbing thing that comes to mind is the fact that he was the son of the woman that ran the after school club. It's been years since that happened, and I don't think I can report it now.

This was the only time I was actually physically assaulted, if I can call it that. But growing up I really wasn't exposed to anything that showed sex in a positive light.

My dad, for all his faults has raised me alone and treated me fine. Though his life style has effected me I feel.

My mother was going to marry my farther after I was born and they had managed to settle down. But my mother died when I was two. I only found out a year ago that my mother accidentally killed herself because my father had an affair with her friend. So I don't think this could have effected my sex life, but I can't be sure.

My father, He never touched or harmed me in anyway. But he treated women like dirt. I remember about four partners. Two of which were my mothers friends before she died. They were all sleeping with him for money, all needy and two and of two addicted to something or other. One was my baby sitter, and the last was an older woman my dad wanted to marry. That never happened. I remember walking in on my dad alot, but the most stressing happened when I was 13. My old baby sitter, in her late twenties brought one of her friends round, she looked about 15. My dad was drunk at the time and I tended to go up to my room whenever he had company. However I heard my dad making his way to his bed room with someone. Nothing happened because I refused to leave the room when I found the girl and my dad sitting on the bed. My dad shouted at me, I think it was out of shame then anything. It hurts when your scolded for doing the right thing, more so when the parent screams at you for it. But at least I managed to stop something happening.

Now that I'm almost out of my teens and still a virgin. I feel as if I could live my life without sex and be perfectly happy. But I really don't know how to tell my boyfriend, and I just can't tell people this story, because it would ruin my dad.

Dear JustAlice,

I am sorry about the things you went through as a kid, both with that high school boyand with your Dad. These are things that could maybe be talked about to a therapist to help you find where to file them in your head. Wrt the asexuality, this may just mean that you are still in your teens and not ready. Otherwise there are many things that can cause a lack of interest in sex. Most of these are things your GP can ask you about such as depressive symptoms. They might also be a good place to start wrt therapy. I am sorry if I am giving you a rubbish answer but I wanted to try to help. I don't feel like sex atm (I am 30) because of abuse and rape but hope I will in the future. As well as GP etc give yourself some time.

Hugs

Cracked

Hello JustAlice,
I am not licensed to tell you if what has happened in your life has caused you to be asexuality, but I can point you in a direction that could help answer your questions. The website is http://letgoletpeacecomein.org/. Let Go Let Peace Come In, is a foundation that is trying to globally help adult survivors find the healing and support necessary to begin their journey to recovery. The foundation welcomes and encourages survivors to post their stories and pictures on the website because by doing so it makes aware that this is an epidemic and it needs to be addressed. The foundation also posts resources where survivors can go for treatment and websites for further information about child sexual abuse and. As you stated, you cannot come out with the story because it will ruin your fathers life, so if you decide to post your story and picture you could use a fake name and put a picture of an animal or flower, or which ever you chose. Again the website is http://letgoletpeacecomein.org/. I hope you go to the website and get the answers you are striving to have answered.

I can identify with your feelings of asexuality, though mine come from a definite episode of being raped by a stranger early on in high school. I don't have any kind of authority to say if your asexuality comes from your history, but even without physical abuse I have felt asexual since becoming aware of sexuality, the rape just further assured me that I wasn't interested in sex. There is a site i used to frequent a site called pandora's aquarium, and the community is very supportive and some people there might have better answers for you - i'm also sure there are more users accustomed to your feelings that might have suggestions with how to cope and how to begin recovery even if you don't feel like you can see a therapist.

http://www.pandys.org/whobelongs.html

I offer this page as a start to give you a feel for the kind of site this is, they do have a forum that can be found from the menu at the top of the page.

I wish you all the best,
Celty