Told therapist about masturbating to memories of abuse

Hi fellow confused and abused people!

I thought I’d share the fact that I took the plunge and explained the historic abuse and the current conflicting feelings about it.

It was so difficult to say the words, to be vulnerable enough to speak about the continued masturbation whilst replaying the events in my head. My therapist was great, he made me feel normal about it and I’m so glad I had the courage to be open about it.

Has anyone else tried to share their story with their therapist? Did it go well or not so well?

Love, Light and Gratitude to you all

Xxx

I did have a therapist for a good several months. I’ve told her everything about my trauma. I was making weekly blog posts about it on here while I was in therapy. She’s a survivor of childhood sex abuse herself, so she was able to relate to a lot of what I was saying. It is difficult to talk about, but at the same time, so refreshing to finally get it out to a professional who will listen to you without passing judgment. I’m glad you have that for yourself now. If you continue going to therapy, I hope everything continues to work out well for you.

Therapist knows I have a ###$ up sexuality and that it comes from abuse. He doesn't know what I actually like though and that's the crucial part for me. I don't want people to know what happened to me. I purposely put him off track when he pries.

Conversely, past therapists knew more about what the sexuality entails but not that it comes from abuse, I made them believe I'm just one of those kinky people.

I don't care too much that people know what I like or that I've been abused (in the general sense of the word), I just don't want them to put the two things together. I actually wanted to make a post about it because I'm pretty sure some of my past boyfriends know and I feel so much shame. Stupid stupid stupid. I need to stop oversharing with people.

Edit: ###$ I think my very first therapist might know too. I was 18 at the time and didn't know when to keep my mouth shut. Stupid stupid stupid stupid.

Don't get me wrong, I'd be reticent to share with a therapist, but isn't it the therapist's job to know?

Snaga wrote:Don't get me wrong, I'd be reticent to share with a therapist, but isn't it the therapist's job to know?

I'm not there for my sexual problems.

I purposely put him off track when he pries.

My therapist is getting close to figuring out what happened exactly. I'm a bad liar and also I don't want to lie, so that's out of the question. At the same time though I find it useful to discuss what impact my trauma had on my sexuality and all that. I'm not sure what I should do, I don't want to tell him. The more I talk though the easier it will be for him to solve the puzzle.

Sorry I don't want to hijack this thread. I'll make my own post.

Thank you to everyone who’s responded to this thread,

Don’t worry about ‘ hijacking’ ! All chat is good chat no matter where it goes.

Xx

VeryPissedOff wrote:

I purposely put him off track when he pries.

My therapist is getting close to figuring out what happened exactly. I'm a bad liar and also I don't want to lie, so that's out of the question. At the same time though I find it useful to discuss what impact my trauma had on my sexuality and all that. I'm not sure what I should do, I don't want to tell him. The more I talk though the easier it will be for him to solve the puzzle.

I share you reticence. I wouldn't want to divulge the deepest of the deep behind my mask, to someone face to face who knows me by name- it would feel very vulnerable. But you're right- and well, talking through things is the point of therapy, yes? I think if it were me, it'd be very extremely hard to take the plunge, but having taken it, I'd probably feel as if a weight was off.