grieving process

Philonoe wrote:Your question made me think of something about myself. I don't know if it can relate to the feeling you describe.

the details of my actual situation with "the one person" in question are very different, but, yes, that's exactly what i'm talking about. especially the part about having to start from scratch. the person i've been attached to and the person i find myself talking to after such a process are not the same one, even if the person hasn't changed in reality

Ada wrote:One of the things that I find interesting about my experience. Is that thinking about it, there is zero emotion attached. It's a thing that happened. I know and can remember how I felt at the time. But the thoughts don't hold any emotion directly. It doesn't make me sad.

However, if I speak about it. Which I've only done a couple of times. I struggle with the emotion coming back as I put words round it.

that's strange. to me, i mean. because for me it's the opposite. thinking about it makes me feel insane, but talking to someone about it makes it feel like it's just something natural

I do not understand this thread. Anything I've felt that I would knowingly call grief has come from actual loss of a person (grandparents) or my childhood dog.

I then try to understand this thread of 'well, maybe grief is not what I call it' and I still do not think I understand. I have moments of intense hurt and I do not know why, but letting it take over and crying actually feels nice. When good is mixed up with bad it all gets ###$ up. I think I just feel so intensely hurt that I get a dopamine surge from in. It feels worse if the intensity cannot built up to a certain point. This is old hat to me, I've had these experiences for over a decade. It is addictive. I just went through a moment like that.

I think it perhaps more a deep sense of shame or pity.

I do not know some more regular emotions I seem to experience, they are hidden and confusing but I think they exist, that is what I am trying to do with spare time, understand them.

i've been through this process countless times. i've posted about it here several times while an "acute episode" was happening (the extremely confusing and seemingly random "dissociative phase" that lasts only a couple of hours instead of an entire week). i've been to doctors because of it. i've had my brain scanned. i've even been diagnosed with an "unspecified migrainous syndrome" and been given anticonvulsants

this was the first time that i was able to watch it unfold like a clockwork sequence. and it fit. i did process a loss. i don't miss someone who's away anymore. i miss someone who i've lost. because that's my perception, no matter how disconnected from reality it may be