Thread for those in disordered/abusive relationships

This thread is specifically for those who are/have been in abusive relationships, or in relationships with personality disordered people. These types of relationships can have their own confusing dynamics. We have various Personality Disorder Forums here, and people are of course welcome to post there, but in specific instances where the posts might be triggering to those with disorders, the member would benefit from having somewhere separate to post. This thread is intended for that purpose.

Here is a useful link, where you might also like to post
domestic-abuse/

I just want to vent.

I'm so sick of feeling this way. Of letting him make me feel so angry. It happens every single... and I mean every SINGLE... time that I go anywhere. He starts his attitude before I even get out the door and then as soon as I get home I get an even bigger attitude! I know this is not a good relationship to be in but I'm trapped. I have to do this just long enough to get my head on straight and my life in order. And I'm the one that is supposed to have all the 'issues'! I don't know what I'm supposed to do. If I ignore the attitude then I feel like I'm giving him power. If I get the negative attitude then I feel that I'm giving him power. What is wrong with me?! I've been in this one for three years now. Every year we break up. This summer it was for five months. We just got back together in August and we've already been in several fights that have put me over the edge and hurting myself. I'm a cutter. And the last time that I felt so out of control it all happened so fast. I ended up cutting but cutting much deeper than I usually do and ended up in an ambulance to the emergency room fighting to not be admitted again. Since we've been together, in just three years now, I've been to the hospital twice. It is taking such a toll on me that I wonder how long I can survive this all.

I have been in a couple tough relationships and all I can really say is that it is better to leave now rather than wait until later: he is not going to change because he has had years to change and hasnt done it. I would leave now rather than let him cause you any more pain. It is just my opinion but it seems like he is determined to commit the same mistakes over and over and over again.

You do not deserve it.

No doubt it is an interesting and informative page for me . I think normal if you never give it a second thought and don't do it - it is one of the few things in life that is "normal if you do and normal if you don't". What you think about it .

hi.. every one.. Most men want to meet a Escort or a model and don\'t really care about the disorders when it comes to feelings.

-- Sat Feb 02, 2013 6:11 am --

hi.. every one.. Most men want to meet a Escort or a model and don\'t really care about the disorders when it comes to feelings.

I feel weird since I know a friend of mine, who happens to be my ex [hence it feeling weird], is now in an addictive and [due to her various issues] potentially abusive relationship - and I feel so helpless since I know that the fallout from this could be absolutely devastating for her. I jut wish I knew for certain that things would work out in the end, and that she'll be OK. I talked to a counselor we both have seen at our college [and whom has seen us together] and expressed the concerns I, and our friends, have about all this. Needless to say he counselor was taken aback / shocked as to what was happening, being completely unaware, and has let other counselors know, so they're aware [dunno what they're gonna b able to do]. I guess for now I'll have to let [insert mystical being here] do [insert gender here]'s work.

Whether or not you can break free varies from person to person. There are a lot of people out there trapped for years in these kinds of relationships and sometimes it takes something really crazy like death or tragedy to break it up. How can you know any better before you leave an abusive home environment or relationship? People don't realise how bad their situations are until they leave them and if they can't leave by their own admission, something might come out of left field and free them. But it might be shocking and unsettling, bringing up a lot of negative emotions and resistance to change, they don't want to lose that security for whatever reason. Many abusers will follow up abuse with re-enforcement of some sort (Stockholm Syndrome) to keep that other person trapped and dependent on them so it is a vicious cycle of abuse, rarely will the abusers stop because they hate themselves as well and until they get help they are going to repeat the same patterns.

Neglect and ignorance is a form of abuse but it is covert, perhaps a wayward attempt to set boundaries or reject an opposite sex parent who abused boundaries in some way (some extreme)? It's comical. Interpersonal dramas play themselves over and over as adults until we learn from them what we didn't learn from a parent-child dynamic (and even on a macro scale, in networks and communities). The physical and emotional stuff is just more out in the open and easier to identify, psychological abuse can take on a range of forms. The people who are abused have upbringings and experiences that have convinced them that they deserve abuse so they are stuck. Not just relationships but any unhappy situation.

I believe my girlfriend of 4+ years has borderline personality disorder. It actually runs in her family (her sister and her dad both have it) and she exhibits nearly all of the textbook symptoms.

It's impossible to confront her on about anything because she'll immediately start freaking out, acting childish, yelling, and yet she doesn't realize it and will later project all of these traits onto you. She doesn't realize how manipulative she is because I don't think she's conscious of her habits. She always tries to get other people to do things for her, constantly lies, and nearly everyday tries to get out of any personal responsibility. She can never keep track of her money and spends recklessly, then asks if I can wait a few weeks before she gives me rent money for the month. She only owes me $150/month, but she acts like it's a colossal amount and I'm being unreasonable when I get upset that she's a month late. She once struck me in the head several times when we got into a heated argument, but she's typically very verbally and emotionally abusive nonetheless. She refuses to go in for a diagnosis/treatment because she can't afford it, but I don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm afraid to kick her out because she's exhibited suicidal behavior in the past and I fear what she might do if I leave her no other options than to move back in with her abusive father. She has other friends that she can move-in with but she'll likely drive them crazy as well with her emotional instability and then she'll begin to act with self-destructive behavior as is part of her cycle.

What can I really do?

I need to vent.
I was with a girl since May of 2010, I met her at school, and fell head over heals in love with her. Just recently (June of this year) She broke it off. I am pretty sure she has Borderline personality disorder, she was abused as a child by her stepmother and her mother had tried to commit suicide.

When I first met her it was absolutely amazing, she seemed to be into everything I was, the sex was great and crazy, we talked for hours, we spent every day together. I noticed a massive change in her about 7 or 8 months into the relationship. She became extremely depressed, angry, lazy and mean. She was extremely manipulative, and played me like a puppet, and I just let he because I didn't see anything wrong. She would always try to get everyone else to do things for her so she didn't have to. She lied all the time, she spent our money like no bodies business, and if I would say to her about watching what she spent, I was the awful person ,and I bought what ever I want and spent whatever money I wanted, it was a huge guilt trip. She couldn't take care of herself, her car, or any of her personal responsibilities. She had pets, and I had to take care of them or else they would have died. We often got into very heated arguments, I can remember on a couple of occasions she actually got violent with me, but most of the time she would play the major victim, run and lock herself in a room, threaten to cut/kill herself and love it when I sat there and begged for her not to do it. She verbally and emotionally abused me all the time, constantly putting me down, keeping me exactly where she wanted me. I tried so hard from the start to get her to go see a doctor, but she would not go, and I couldn't make her. She finally went to see a doctor once her mother got involved, and all the doctor did was prescribe her some medicine and diagnosed her with bipolar, she went back 2 or 3 times, and stopped going back, she missed her last appointment and never made another.

The worst thing she did was want to marry me, which I found out was just a show. She always had to be the center of attention. I found all of this out after she left me. A month or so before we were to be married she ran back to her ex behind my back, confessed her love to him, and begged for him back, she also kissed him multiple times. She told him she would call all of the wedding if he took her back. It infuriates me, because I had second thoughts about it, and she kept talking me back into it, I didn't even want to cancel it, I just wanted to postpone it a year or so. So we got married, 2 months after, we got into an argument, she flipped out, and said she was going to get an annulment. Once she cooled down, everything was fine, it was like it never happened. The last time, she went and hung out with a group of friends, mostly guys, the next day after confronting her about her lying to me about who she was talking to, she told me she wanted to divorce. She then continued going out every single night and staying out very late, hanging out with the boy she ultimately left me for, but still denies. She also kissed this boy, had inappropriate conversations with him, sent him indecent pictures and even spent the night, and came home with a hickie, denying that anything happened. She also just told me recently that she only loved me in her twisted and ###$ up way and she learned in her childhood.

I am so angry and hurt by her!