Thread for those in disordered/abusive relationships

Read more about codependency when you get the chance. I know exactly what you're talking about, been there too, and I realize how hard it is to let go. Mine ended when it became unbearable (though I was dealing with a bit more disordered person than you describe). If you're not yet ready to leave the relationship, then learn to set stronger boundaries and demand respect, you need to stick up for yourself. Don't enable his behaviour or take responsibility for what you didn't do, don't go back to him after he calls you a slut unless he apologizes and owns his behaviour. And I hope you get out of it at one point, once you're ready, chances of things changing on its own are not that great.

Thanks . I am being strong. Recently i had blocked him on every possible way he would contact me but unblocked him when we patched up . I forgot to unblock him on one thing . When he called me my phone showed busy because he was blocked . We didnt know . First he called me a liar because he said i was talking to someone . And started shouting at me . Then when i said i have a screen recorder on 24/7 and i have proof i wasnt talking to anyone. So then he asked me if i was still blocked i said idk let me check . When i checked he was. After that he started calling me petty and what not . He said that i told you to unblock me on everything what are you trying prove and other #######4 . I told him whats the big deal I forgot. You forgot to unblock me for a month once. So he got even more angry and told me oh you were trying to take revenge. And further started calling me petty. I just didnt remember because when he calls there is some problem because of which we cant hear each other so mostly he just texts me and i call him . So obviously i didnt realise he's still blocked . I got upset and cut the call before he would say more rubbish. I am going to try not to talk to him unless he apologizes this time . Thanks to all of you guys here . I realise irrespective of his paranoia he has no right to treat me the way he does . I am going to stand up for myself.

@Jemma -

It's good that you are writing here. One of the hardest things is we become so isolated in disordered/abusive relationships that it can feel like there is nobody else to communicate with. That keeps us trapped, feeling like the only person we can talk to is our abusive partner. We end up feeling very lonely if we don't speak with them, but if we do, all that same old toxic stuff again. It can feel like a no-win situation.

Communicating with others, even if just in writing, is a step toward breaking out of that trap.

Yes. I do feel a lot better talking here . When i get anxious i keep checking for replies and when i see one it helps . Thank you so much everyone. I'll keep you'll updated with my relationship . As of now its good. The constant accusation is still there but he isnt bringing it up much . Which is a big relief . But i know it wont last much longer and soon another episode will break down and i'll be shattered again. I'll just enjoy peace with my love while it lasts.

PS : can you'll please check my post on co-incidences and DD if you'll can help me with that.

I don’t really know where to start of this is even a good idea.
My boyfriend (now ex) who suffers from DID broke up with me last week. He said I’m the love of his life but the connection has gone. It’s happened pretty much in the space of a week/10’days and he can’t pin point what or why.
Apparently this is what happens, it’s like someone has @!@@@! a switch when he’s been in a relationship for some time and his feelings just switch off. He said he’s tried to work things out in the past and ends up cheating because he no longer feels the same.
I’ve been extremely understanding of his DID but coming to terms with this break up when we had plans of spending the rest of our lives together is extremely hard...


Anyone can relate or has experienced something similar? Whether it’s from one point of view or the other?

Hi confusedbrain123,

I totally understand what you feel . I'm going through the exact same thing . I have absolutely no solutions or advice to give you because i just can't get over it either. If you find a solution please do tell me too

Need to get this off my chest.

My mom and I have a crazy relationship. She even lived with me in my dorm room (a single) all of last year (I'm 21, female by the way). We shared a twin bed and and she even ate from the dining halls and used the showers. She was only planning to stay a couple of nights but she never left. I tried my best to keep her hidden (sneaking her up food from the dining halls, making sure no one was in the bathroom, etc.). It was real life arrested development!

The reasons are complicated. For one, she is basically homeless and doesn't have a job at the moment. We were living with her friend for a while, but she finally kicked us out after 2 years of living there rent free. On the other hand, my mom believes she is living in my dorm because she is helping me with my depression and ADHD. She sees this as a great act of self-sacrifice on her part.

There are legit no boundaries with us. For instance, when I was first going through puberty (about 13 years old), she asked me to undress for her so she could see how I was developing "down there" (not in a sexual way). I got embarrassed and said "no" and she freaked out. She forced me to lay down on the bed and screamed at me and continued to undress me. She then straight-up washed me in the shower while I cried. She kept screaming at me for "lying" and "hiding" things about my physical development from her (this wasn't sexual, she was just super angry).

We are enmeshed in other ways too. I'm not complaining because I have been very complicit in all of this. We shared a bed throughout much of high school (due to messiness/horading). We share all our clothes, money, passwords. We even share a phone right now (for financial reasons). She even used to do my homework for me (I'm so ashamed of this, more than anything else I think). She regularly checks my email and bank accounts. She tells me all about her marriage woes and about how my dad won't have sex with her anymore. She forced me to be present at every fight she had with my father. She said it was because she needed a witness (even though she was the physically violent one). The fights were horrendous and would definitely count as abuse if the genders were reversed. Afterwards, she would wail like an infant and order me to insult my dad in all sorts of ways. She used to have me call people like my grandparents and aunts and uncles and (informally) testify against him. I am so terrified of her I don't know why she has such an affect on me and why I am such a submissive and scared child around her.

Sorry I know it sounds like I'm just complaining. But I needed to get it off my chest. 'm an adult now and I have CHOSEN to live like this. I love my mom and I don't mean to complain. She has said that I'm the only person in her life that cares about her, which sadly may be true. I actually think a lot of this is more funny than anything. I'd love to write a novel or something about it!

BTW, she is very supportive and loving toward me in between her episodes. Also, sometimes like I have no right to confront her because last year I was very depressed and I almost had a psychotic episode (was diagnosed bipolar actually).

@martha, I knew a Hungarian girl living in a dorm with her mother (well, not officially, but we rarely saw her without the mother). She was very social and extroverted, but most people had trouble approaching her as it would inevitably involve the over-protective mother. No positive aspects there, the mother was clearly sabotaging her daughter's attempts of an adult life. You luckily seem to be fully aware of the unhealthy aspects of the dynamics here.
You've got every right to complain, you shouldn't be the one solving her homelessness or any other issue. Her presence and lack of boundaries are robbing you of normal student life experience. You do need to confront her at one point, possibly with help of an adult family member.

I feel abused, by my suspected BPD husband who is wanting so much to control things. Do these people ever show remorse, say sorry or admit to being horrified by the way they have treated their partners?

The sad thing about my case is that he blames me for making him what he is now. So how will he ever like/respect me?

Greetings, I am 30 year old guy married with a baby son, my wife before marriage used to give me the silent treatment for weeks and I used to think it was her character and when I asked her why she does that she says that she is that way to people close to her heart, but every other time she seems to be a sweet person to be married to, fast forward we got married and it started out OK but then it started again, yelling/scolding which makes my heart skip a beat followed by silent treatment, I was convinced that I was the incapable husband, then came the demand for the baby (culturally inclined demand) where she started to emotionally abuse me, making me think I was incapable of coping to her demands, she demanded sex during her fertile period. sex was never considered a pleasure according to her it was a dirty thing to do, she wanted sex only for reproduction and she had 0% sex drive, it was like I had no respect at all during all this, sometimes she sarcastically
insults me and tells me I don't know how to differentiate between humor and insult. Emotional abuse led to few encounters of physical abuse. when she is angry she would not sleep sometimes and make me feel guilty for sleeping while she is awake all night thinking about something (which she does not want to talk about either), now coming to the recent issue, after all this games she conceived and we have a son now. I am very happy to be with my son and take care of him and want a bright future for him, the past is not going to deter me, but now my wife has started to yell (real loud heart stopping yells that wake you from any sleep) at my son frequently and when I confronted her she is saying she is annoyed by his behavior, I explained that that's how children will behave we have to explain to them what they did wrong, she is saying that she cannot tolerate such behavior so she reacted like that. I am posting this now because I don't want my son to go through what I did, I open to go to therapy but it will be a great deal to convince my wife to join me on it (she cannot take any kind of criticism). I at times extremely doubt who the odd one out is. Can someone advice me on this? I am totally puzzled to what to do next. do you recommend me alone going for therapy?