Is cheating common in a bpd relationship?

I recently found out that near the end of my relationship with my borderline boyfriend that he was seeing someone else while we were still together. It explains now why he was pulling away so much in the last month we were together, and why didn't care when I broke up with him because of him being emotionally distant. Is cheating a symptom of borderline personality disorder, or was he just a pig? Both?

Not just men who do it, my bpd g/f i think was seeing somebody also at the end of our relationship and ive spend the past 6 months of my life thinking things were getting better...little did i know she finally admitted see was seeing an 'old friend' on and off who had a profile on plentyoffish.com,so she was just looking for sexual gratifaction...

He never admitted anything to me. I found out through facebook. He doesn't know that I know, we haven't spoken in almost a month. Don't think its going on anymore, they are no longer friends of fb. I guess it would just make me feel better to know it wasn't really me, that having bpd made him more prone to cheat or something.

Sure. All borderlines cheat and all people who cheat have BPD...

I'm not attacking anyone, nor am I suggesting that ALL borderlines are the same. I simply asking if it is common, or if anyone else has had any similar experiences. That is all..

My ex is a Borderline and I am a Borderline. He cheated ALL the time, any chance he could get. I think he was faithful maybe 3 months before he cheated, that was once the infatuation stage ended and he had me hooked. He dated people while we were together also, even got two other women pregnant. He was almost two different people, living two different lives. We finally broke up two years ago and it was the best thing that ever could have happened. He is disgusting BUT I am not like that. I value relationships. I have empathy, I know the pain it causes so I wouldn't do that to another person. Everyone is different, have different experiences, have had different lives so many Borderlines are different as well. I am considered a high functioning Borderline since I do not display all of the criteria. I can function in society much easier although I would be lying if I said it wasn't a daily struggle. I mostly have the emotional regulation issues, abandonment, black and white thinking, the addictive relationships etc.. My ex is considered lower functioning. He exhibits ALL of the criteria to the point where it has destroyed most aspects of his life. He doesn't have a core self. I do for the most part. I have values and beliefs that aren't just adopted from other people. Your ex is just a Borderline who is also a PIG Be grateful the relationship is over before he could have taken you on a roller coaster ride to hell. You will find true happiness with someone who deserves you!

-- Sat Oct 13, 2012 2:35 am --

Oh and also I would like to add that is WASN'T YOU! It was HIM. He decided to cheat. Most cheaters have self esteem issues and commitment issues. My ex needed others attention to feel loved and worthy because he felt unworthy. Its all about themselves and making themselves feel better. It isn't about you.

pynzey wrote:I recently found out that near the end of my relationship with my borderline boyfriend that he was seeing someone else while we were still together. It explains now why he was pulling away so much in the last month we were together, and why didn't care when I broke up with him because of him being emotionally distant. Is cheating a symptom of borderline personality disorder, or was he just a pig? Both?

There are conflicting info.
Web says- generally- yes:
http://bpd.about.com/od/livingwithbpd/a/bpdsex.htm
http://downwardspiralintothevortex.blog ... exual.html
http://www.borderlinepersonalitytoday.c ... erson2.htm

On the other hand, my personal experiences with BPD friends is completely opposite-
they are very reliable marriage partners, faithful & dependent on the healthy partner.

So, the answer is .... undecided, IMO.

Thanks a lot guys c:

Is the dynamics of a bpd relationship always "i love you/I hate you?" I ask because I never experienced this in our relationship. It was just really great in the beginning and then he slowly began acting less interested, then didn't care when I broke up with him. His atypical borderline reaction has had me really confused. So do they always go from "loving" to "hating" or could it be more of "I love you/ I don't hate you, but my feelings for you have changed"?

Honestly that sounds more like Bipolar to me. When Bipolar individuals are in one of their cycles their feelings can change dramatically then bounce back again. It's as if they love you so much then lose interest within their depressive cycle. My current BF is Bipolar and takes 2 medications now so he is much better and doesn't randomly break up with me anymore. Lol

haha. well I don't know about bipolar. I just know he was diagnosed with bpd. I'm starting to accept the fact that I may never know what happened. Weather it was him being borderline or if he just simply lost interest. It sucks, but it happens. I'm trying to just convince that I dodged a bullet. Still miss him some but it'll get better