Is cheating common in a bpd relationship?

I don't believe bpd causes anyone to cheat. Cheating happens according to an individual, their beliefs, and their circumstances. I just started therapy after finding out about this disorder through my last gf. She had bpd and has suffered most of her life also. Needless to say, two bpd's makes for a very intense relationship, one that I could not seem to get over. I studied it to learn more about her and discovered me and my ex wife were also both afflicted with it. That's how I know cheating is circumstantial. I was completely faithful to my last gf. She was the first woman I have ever really loved and is the reason I am seeking help. I get so wrapped up in a woman that cheating is not tempting to me. I always blow my relationships by being hypersensative to every abnormal event and lash out or pull away, believing I've been betrayed regardless of having no evidence. I only revenge cheated on suspicion once though and have no desire to cheat when committed. I have cheated on several other women by circumstance. The times I cheated were out of anger and hurt, not for pleasure. In fact, sex is more about bonding and feeling wanted than pleasure to me. The one I felt bad about was the first gf after my divorce. She backed off so I suspected another man and cheated. The other times were revenge when my ex wife would break up with me, sleep with someone, then get back with me. We would never really split so when I found out she would break up with me verbally to cheat unofficially, I would immediately exact revenge, but never felt satisfaction afterwards. One of the girls I cheated with was also cheating and she doesn't have bpd. Bpd and low self-esteem go hand in hand so I believe that contributes to the sexual liaisons to get a temporary boost in self-esteem by feeling wanted. For me, it only takes one person to make me feel wanted so there's no need to cheat unless I'm being continuously neglected by my gf.

pynzey wrote:I recently found out that near the end of my relationship with my borderline boyfriend that he was seeing someone else while we were still together. It explains now why he was pulling away so much in the last month we were together, and why didn't care when I broke up with him because of him being emotionally distant. Is cheating a symptom of borderline personality disorder, or was he just a pig? Both?

Everyone is entitled to their opinions so what the person said about possible Bipolar may be correct but in my opinion, I believe it can definitely be BPD-related but no, we don't ALL do that.

I hate that quote, "Never say never" because for me, i've always told myself i'll NEVER cheat on a guy! My dad cheated on my mom and was the cause of their divorce. The fighting that happened during the divorce when i was about 5 would change my life forever. It was very damaging to witness as a child. Because of all that, I would NEVER cheat. Plus, I am always worried about the guy doing it and how much it would wreck me i could never do it.

HOWEVER... i think everyone has their own opinions in what consists as Cheating. Me personally, cheating is anything physical - even holding hands with someone that you are interested in or cuddling. But emotional cheating??? I don't believe in.

I did do something VERY stupid that I don't believe is cheating but some may consider it to be. My boyfriend and I were really rocky these past 2 months and it was getting to the point where I felt that I couldn't talk to him about my problems or about anything really. It seemed he was so sick and tired of my behavior that anything made him snap. We are currently long distance. He is a nomad. travels everywhere, no permanent home which was never good for someone like me. But, he was trying to decide if he was going to come back to my state and stay with me for some months or longer. But he dragged it out, very long and he even admitted it wasn't fair to me. it was complete torture. our fights were getting worse and i would try SO HARD not to do anything to upset him and somehow, it would happen and i was just in a lot of misery.

I found a distraction. A guy. My boyfriend had a few more days til he was going to give me a decision about coming or not but after waiting so long, i started to come up with my own conclusions, especially after all the fighting. i was convinced he wasn't going to come. My therapist said breaking up with my boyfriend is like a life or death situation to me - and its true. He was my source of air and without that, i couldn't breathe. My feelings were too strong, too intense... i would obsess for long periods of time. We had so many problems and i felt so sad, i just wanted to feel excitement and happiness feel like i was wanted. So i asked a guy an inappropriate question. I asked him this question because I believed my boyfriend and I were breaking up real soon and I wanted to prepare for that break up.

I asked the guy if he would hook up with me.

Thats what I did. Emotional cheating? I guess thats up to you. I KNOW it was wrong, I KNOW it was bad. In fact, I felt so guilty that i told my boyfriend i told a guy this.

but let me get back on track here.... WHY did i do that as a person with BPD? I'll tell you. Like I said before, my feelings for my boyfriend were VERY intense. I obsessed about us. I obsessed about him coming here. It was all I could think of. IT WAS TOO MUCH. TOO MUCH for me. The more TIME i put into him, the more i obsessed and the more i obsessed, the more i created problems.

My distraction with another guy is VERY UNHEALTHY but you know what? it honestly helped me back off with my boyfriend. i did grow distant with him. i felt better. i didn't feel so afraid of him breaking up with me. it was confirmed i could get other guys even if it was just sexually. i guess that confirmation was enough to make me feel like it wasn't the end of the world. i know i know its WRONG but I'm just trying to prove my point... BPDs experience INTENSE feelings.

When we finally discussed if he was coming to my state or not, I could have cared less what had happened. I had no reaction whatsoever. it was like a defense mechanism. a coping strategy. it was my way of protecting myself from painful emotions of a break up.