Does hate equal to love

If an ex says they hate you does it mean they still have feelings for you? If your over someone you dont love or hate them is what I think. Would like to hear some opinions.

relationship/topic84035.html#p732107

Anger is a common emotion that is often felt after the end of a relationship. It can be one of the seven stages of grief that is felt after a relationship ends, and it may be necessary to work through this emotion in order to find a sense of resolution and move forward. It may be that your ex is still caught up in this stage. This may or may not mean that she still has residual feelings for you. They say the opposite emotion to love is not hate, but indifference.

Where are YOU in all of this? Do you still have feelings for your ex?

masquerade wrote:http://www.psychforums.com/relationship/topic84035.html#p732107

Anger is a common emotion that is often felt after the end of a relationship. It can be one of the seven stages of grief that is felt after a relationship ends, and it may be necessary to work through this emotion in order to find a sense of resolution and move forward. It may be that your ex is still caught up in this stage. This may or may not mean that she still has residual feelings for you. They say the opposite emotion to love is not hate, but indifference.

Where are YOU in all of this? Do you still have feelings for your ex?

Where does scared fit in. Because thats what I am. This chick is insane. I'm laughing about the last thing shes done but in reality i'm terrified of her. Im indifferent about her because I dont hate or love her. I might miss her every once and a while but thats about it. Are these stages in the correct order? Because if they are she's gotta a long way to go to get over it.

There is no right or wrong order, and some people may even skip some of the stages.

This sounds like the type of anger that goes beyond the normal stages of anger felt at the end of a relationship, and it sounds as if anger is a big part of her personality. If you are actually scared of her, then it's essential that you keep yourself safe, and phone the police if necessary. Some women can be just as aggressive as some men.

masquerade wrote:There is no right or wrong order, and some people may even skip some of the stages.

This sounds like the type of anger that goes beyond the normal stages of anger felt at the end of a relationship, and it sounds as if anger is a big part of her personality. If you are actually scared of her, then it's essential that you keep yourself safe, and phone the police if necessary. Some women can be just as aggressive as some men.

I thought she is HPD/BPD but now Im thinking she has some other disorder. She has a lot of baggage never met her father, abusive step father and a VERY VERY VERY abusive mother(shes a psychopath). I have been doing some reading and I found a couple of things regarding hate equals love and was wondering how true it was. I just dont understand how a person can risk their life and others to harrass somebody becuase they hate them so much. I guess she must really hate me because I ended the relationship and some of the stuff she's done blew up in her face and made her look bad. Now most of her extended family thinks she's an idiot and they hate her and i'm the one to blame. Oh well. The police will not do a thing unless I have concrete evidence that the double standard that I am facing. She's a woman and I'm a man being harrassed. If it was the other way around I'd be locked up just on her word.

Forget the labels of whatever disorder she has. What's important here is your safety. Harassment is a crime, whether or not it's from a man or a woman, and these days the law takes it very seriously. The fact that you're a man shouldn't matter. You may need to take out a restraining order on her, and collect evidence in the form of a diary, noting everything. If things become seriously scary, then you must tell the police. Some men have a sense of misplaced pride and won't admit that they're being abused, but there is no shame in this. Your safety is paramount.

masquerade wrote:Forget the labels of whatever disorder she has. What's important here is your safety. Harassment is a crime, whether or not it's from a man or a woman, and these days the law takes it very seriously. The fact that you're a man shouldn't matter. You may need to take out a restraining order on her, and collect evidence in the form of a diary, noting everything. If things become seriously scary, then you must tell the police. Some men have a sense of misplaced pride and won't admit that they're being abused, but there is no shame in this. Your safety is paramount.

I already spoke to the police,and my lawyer, I told them I have witnesses,and kept a journal. It sounds like its not an important issue to them. They all told me to stop being a big baby (true... in those exact words). Till she hurts me physically (which will never happen) or comes to my home or work (she's too smart for that) I have to eat it. If she does either I was instructed to not retaliate and to let the action run its course and to call my lawyer. True story. Dont know where your from but thats how it is here and I dont live in podunk USA. I live in a major city where there is a good sized police force.

It shocks and surprises me that the police can have that kind of attitude in this day and age. Of course, in the US, laws vary from state to state. Would you be able to take out an injunction against her? Perhaps you could go down that channel? If she breaks the injunction, then it may be possible to have her arrested. You'd also have some peace of mind. Really, I'm at a loss as what else to suggest here. I wonder if anyone else reading this can come up with some advice? I really hope that there is someone who could suggest something. Has anyone else here been in the same kind of situation and if so, how did you cope with this?

It's also very important that you are able to talk about this to someone as this is a lot to be a lot to be carrying on your own. I think it would also help if you could tell as many people as possible.

What exactly is happening with her? In what way is she making you feel scared?

masquerade wrote:It shocks and surprises me that the police can have that kind of attitude in this day and age. Of course, in the US, laws vary from state to state. Would you be able to take out an injunction against her? Perhaps you could go down that channel? If she breaks the injunction, then it may be possible to have her arrested. You'd also have some peace of mind. Really, I'm at a loss as what else to suggest here. I wonder if anyone else reading this can come up with some advice? I really hope that there is someone who could suggest something. Has anyone else here been in the same kind of situation and if so, how did you cope with this?

It's also very important that you are able to talk about this to someone as this is a lot to be a lot to be carrying on your own. I think it would also help if you could tell as many people as possible.

What exactly is happening with her? In what way is she making you feel scared?

I asked to get an order of protection and from what I was told I cant get one unless she confronts me. As long as shes doing what shes doing it hard to prove anything. Iam dealing with it so far and hopefully she stops SOON.

as with your other post i will point a few things out (gosh I hang around you almost as much as the "chick" these days eh ; you must be irresistable!)

firstly, for someone who is "indifferent" to her you talk about her alot! Yes I know she's stalking you making your life a misery yada yada. But you seem to be looking v deeply into whats wrong with her. Hows about you take a looksy into your issues? go on. have a go. they're there.

second you call her your ex. she's not your ex. she was your mistress. get it right.

thirdly, and in answer to the question you asked at the beginning of the post - if she says she hates you, then she probably still loves you (or thinks she does). There's a fine line amigo as we know. And she has extreme emotion towards you, which if you were to go back to her and dance the dance again would flip from hate to adoration again yes (although, still some disrespect and some disklike for both you and herself).

We (emotionally unhealthy/unavailable) people ALWAYS want what we can't have MORE. We feel we're OWED. Get it yet?

Anyway, she wont become indifferent until she has an epiphany like me (no i never stalked but I had been in love with the same guy since I was 13-40 even though I didnt see him from 20-39 (I let him go physically when he chose someone else - i have a modicum of self respect lol but I never stopped "loving" him) BUT GO FIGURE THE CRAZINESS of my life of never marrying cos he was "the only one for me". Call me Ms Haversham and get me some cats!

My epiphany came when he came back into my life and an older self saw the light and my logic/plus hypno Im having made me see my stuff aswell as his and hell, i didnt even KNOW the cause of my stuff (which ironically was not even HIM ha ha, but my darling daddy - *let me hear an "ahhhhh"*).

As you can tell Im still working through my stuff, but to be totally frank with you i do kind of know what im talking about in regards to this kind of shebang. Its taken me best part of 30 years to work it out and now I have its so ridiculously obvious. I can also tell you without a shadow of a doubt that you and her were involved because you both have 'issues' as do you and your wife both have them. EU people unless they sort themselves fully out only end up with other EU people. With one the driver and one the passenger. You started out the driver my friend, only she's turned the tables on you now you're apart the only way she knows how. She's trying to get you, control, you name it, she's trying to get on top of the situation.

The only way you will get rid of her is to disappear. Tell her to go (not necessarily in words but in actions) and MEAN it and go. And anyone connected to her break contact. And if you want your wife, take her with you. Get the hell out of dodge and let the woman get over you, plan your slow brutal death, have a breakdown, realise she has issues and sort herself out, or whatever the hell she ends up doing. But it wont be any of your concern cos you'll be gone.

I know you think you shouldnt have to move cos she's the one stalking, you're the one that doesnt want it, but as I said before my friend you're reaping what you sowed and you gave her too much of what you didnt have to give and she believed you and wants what's hers. If she has any other issues other than her emotionally unavailability that made her get with you in the first place she could be very dangerous so I would seriously pack up and disappear. But will your ego let you...?