After we got married I started finding about that he has a drinking problem, an anger problem, money spending problem, and a lying problem. His profile said he had a ph.d. When I met him he told me he really didn't. He said he had a BA and was making 80,000 a year. I found out he only has a certificate and was making very little when I met him. He told me he had a tumor in his brain and was very wealthy and was going to write me into his will (before we got married). Than he said he went to the dr and they gave him pills to shrink the tumor and was going to be fine. Never mentioned it again. Never saw him go to the dr again. Never said what pills these were. Never saw him take pills. Never told his family. Never put me in his will.
My family did a background check on him, without asking me, and showed it to him & I the night before our wedding. It showed charges for assult, DUI, forgery, etc, mostly 11 years ago....he said most of the charges were withdrawn. He said he was only charged for most of them for being indirectly involved, hanging out in the wrong crowd when he was younger. He later showed me an online document that he said he request from the state the charges happened it, showing the withdrawn charges. His family stands behind this statement. His family says they paid to have those charges withdrawn. I don't understand why it would come up in a background check than. He did admit to a few assult charges and a DUI.
He was pissed at my parents from that point forward. The night after we got married he almost beat up my dad. I wasn't there when it happened. He was at my parents cottage drinking with them, and his parents. Apparently, he had his friend do a background check on them and told everyone that my parents didn't own their houses. Which I already knew about. They re-morgaged a few years ago when the economy went to pot and my dad lost he job. Now let me say here, my parents are not that great either. They are cross-addicted to perscription drugs and alcohol. In addition, most of the time they treat me like $#%^. After on, my mom canceled my baby shower.
He husband took a job in a different career than the one he was in when I met him. The job was across the country. I was too sick to move at the time. I was pregnant and had hyperemesis (extreme vomiting and weight loss) so I stayed behind for 4 months under I got better enough to travel and for our health insurance to kick in.
Where we moved was an oil boom town with a MAJOR housing shortage. The job came with company housing. His parents drove me, and more of our stuff out there, by motor home. Halfway there he called and said he got kicked out of company housing for "parking on the grass." No one believed it. He stuck with that story until a co-worker of his told me he was really drunk and doing donuts in the lawn on company property. 12 hours after I got there his company confirmed they were kicked out and had to remove all our stuff that day, but he still had a job. I was 5 months pregnant. I also found out that he spent all the money from an auto accident he got into on the way moving out there. He maxed out our credit card, and spent everything he earned at his work. He was supposed to pay his parents for the cost of moving me, but when we got out there he had next to nothing. We had to ask my parents for money for food.
We put our stuff into a storage unit 2 hours outside of town, and began looking for motels to live in. The closest place was 1 hour away from his work. They only had avaliablity for 3 days. After three days a different motel took pity on me, because I was sick and pregnant, and said we could say as long as we keep paying. We stayed there until he took out a loan to buy a camper to live in 2 weeks later. Hubby's usually shifts were 12 hours, but frequently they were over that. Add in 1 hour driving time each way and I was alone for over 14 hours. That summer his shifts seemed to get longer and longer. One shift he said was 16.5 hours. Therefore, I was alone 18.5 hours in a 21 foot camper. We only have one car, which he uses for work, so I was confined to the camper or the motel room. We lived in the camper in an RV park for a month, until we ran out of money and moved back to the town he was working in to save on gas and park costs.
Shortly after moving into the RV park I found texts on his phone to a girl in the area he used to live in. They were sexual messages. She was sending him pictures of herself in her bathing suit. He was saying he wanted to f^%$ her in the ass, cum in her P&%&y. He came home from work that day and I was crying and told him what I found. He said he was sorry, that he didn't know the girl, she just kept bugging him, sending him sex messages, so he played along because he was bored. He said he would never do it again. A few weeks later I saw the girl was friends with him on facebook and found a picture of him with her on one arm and another girl on the other, hugging, after (what appeared to look like) a pillow fight. I started crying again told told him what I had saw, and asked why he lied to me. He got mad and defensive and said he knew I would make a big deal over it, it wasn't like he was cheating on me, and he was mad because I "keep bringing this up." Up until that night, the only other time I brought it up was the day I originally found out, now I only brought it up because I JUST found out he lied about not this girl.
When we moved back to the town he was working in we had to live in the train depot parking lot of his work with no cable or septic. Water was provided by a water truck that had to be hooked up to the camper and refilled almost everyday. The water truck broke down one time for over a week. The camper was less than 15 feet away from the train tracks. I was NOT sleeping.
I got sick again from depression and anxiety attacks that only compounded my vomiting. I was put back into the hospital. Later I was transferred to a different hospital 4 hours away. We had to rely on a charity donation from the hospital to get me there because he was continuing to spend everything he was making and the hospital refused to provide transportation. My dad flew in to that hospital to see what the hell was going on. He also wanted me to leave, but I didn't. My husband gave me the credit card and debit card at this point and said he would leave all the finances to me from now on. 2 weeks later he started taking the cards out of my purse, not telling me, and spending the money again. Up until that point, I had no access to our money. I didn't have the log-in info for our online banking so I couldn't see what was going on. All I knew was we were constantly short on money, constantly almost not able to eat, constantly asking for money from family. We ran out of paper towel, garbage bags, cleaning supplies for 3 months, toilet paper and dish liquid for a few weeks.
All this time he would come home and be pissed at me because I didn't make him dinner most nights and the camper was not clean. For heaven's sake I was horribly sick!!! A few times I cleaned the camper ***throughly**** anyway and I got so sick and dizzy I was throwing up violently. He also was pissed at me for not having a job. Every conversation revolved around me not working. There was no way I could work being this sick.
I told him if we still didn't have housing after the baby was born, I was going back home to live with family. There was NO WAY I was going to raise a baby in a camper in the winters out here where it gets -30 below, on top of the fact of raising a baby in a F&*(&% camper!!! He talked to his boss and said they said they would let us back in. THANK GOD! We lived in the camper for a total of 3.5 months.
We moved back in and his work gave him no time off to move our stuff. His job was constantly calling him into work when we were moving stuff. I was left to unpack a u-hual of stuff all by myself several times. Luckily, one time one of his co-workers saw me unpacking stuff by myself and stopped to help and ralled up some local guys to finish for me. But I still had to help hubby move our washer and drier into the u-hual. I was standing on the ground lifting the drier/washer up, he was inside the u-hual pulling it up. I was 8.5 months pregnant!!!!After that he said he was proud of me for proving myself to him. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had contractions all night after moving the washer and drier. I told hubby. He said, Well they stopped, right?
He gave me a deadline of a week to unpack all the rest of the stuff myself. He was working 60 hours a week. I had a breakdown and said I couldn't do it. My body hurt so much. I could hardly move. He removed the deadline, but I still unpacked everything alone.
I told hubby to sell the camper so we could pay the credit card off. He didn't. Instead he decided to rent the camper out. He said I would be in charge of the camper and I could keep the rent money. I drew up a rental contract, told hubby to have them come over to sign it, pay a deposit, and pay first month's rent. He went to a company BBQ and came back alone. I asked him where the people were and he said "Oh, I don't know. They probably got a motel. We'll deal with it later." Next day I asked where the people were at and he said they were in our camper. I asked, did they pay rent or a deposit? He said no. I got pissed and said I was leaving after the baby was born. He said fine, get your $#%^ out of my house and leave now. He sped off in our car. He called him mom and told her I yelled at him in front of his work, which I didn't. We were in the parking lot by the campers when I said that and everyone was in their campers with the doors closed. Furthermore, my mother was standing on the other side of our car and didn't even hear what I said. So how could anyone inside the campers have heard? I also didn't mean I was going to leave forever, but I didn't get a chance to say that before he blew up, I started having a panic attack, and he took off. His mom called me, I was crying uncontrollably. After awaile she calmed me down somewhat, enough to talk in between crying. I told her what happened. Than she called him back, talked to him. He called me back after that, and said he wanted to come home. I said I haven't packed everything yet. He said, I'm not kicking you out. He said, you understand why I got so bad right? I said nothing. He said, "I'm so stressed out my work thinks I'm going to get in an accident at work and they want me to take a mandatory week off. I told them no, that's I'd be fine though." I flatly said "ok." He asked if I was still leaving, I said no.
Later I found out, that my mom(who had been staying with us) had been caught smoking pot outside the company housing and his work found out, called him in for an immediate drug test, and he almost lost his job. He told his mother that when she came to visit later, and he told her that neither my parents or him wanted me to know. he said I was going through enough already. She said she told him to talk to me about it, but she knew he wouldn't. He never did. She said I needed to know if she was ever going to watch the baby. Apparently, this must have happened sometime right before I said I would leave after the baby came.
A few weeks later our baby was born. Everything seemed to get better for awaile. It really wasn't though. It was put on hold. Hubby has never helped with the baby. Our baby has colic, screams all day, and most of the night. Sometimes I stay up all night with him while is cries. He started working long than 12 hour shifts again.
I find on YIM, on his phone, that he was chatting with a different female friend of his flirting with her, and asking her if he would "get to see anything good?" She said, lol no. I started crying and had another panic attack. That conversation happened a month after the other one with the other girl.
We got into another car accident 4 days after our baby was born. A drunk driver hit us and tried to run, but the cops saw it and got him. When the money came in from that accident hubby said he wanted to start a saving account at a different bank. The bank we currently have does not have a branch in the state we live in, which makes getting a lot of things done hard or not possible. I disagreed. I wanted to pay off the credit card and close it. We were now paying 30% interest because of his spending habits. He would pay the minimum balance and max the credit card out again every month. He opened the bank account regardless, and never gave me a debit for it or the online log-in info.
In November, on our aniversery, he asks me if he can go fishing with a buddy of his. I said ok, thinking it would be a few hours. He left at 1 in the afternoon and came home at 3am drunk off his ass. He said, I'm going to be going to jail for a few days. He said he beat two guys unconcious and he didn't know if they were dead or not. He just took off. He then tried to call his mom, but she didn't answer. I started panicking. I tried to get more info out of him but he fell asleep. I called his mom, this time she answered. She asked me to try to wake him up to talk to him, but he was too out of it. She said if he doesn't have any marks on him, which he didn't, that it was probably drunk talk. She said to have him call her in the morning. The next morning I couldn't get him to call her. He said a bunch of times they did but she wasn't answering. BS! Later she told me he never called, and she tried to call him and he finally answered. He also called in for work, missed the call, and therefore missed work. After that morning he never talked about the night again.
I started watching someone's baby for extra money. He said I could keep the money I make, and the money he makes would go toward savings and our bills. He deposited my first pay check into our local bank account. He said that would be my account, and the other one would be his. He gave me his card for that bank, and I gave him my card for the other bank. "My" account was the one that was supposed to have the savings money in it from the 2nd auto accident. There was only $70 in it. I asked him where the money went. He said he had changed his mind and decided to put it into his retirement fund. I said, how does that help us if something comes up? We won't be able to touch it! I looked back through the account history and $2,500 was deposited into the account, half the money from the auto accident. The history showed all kinds of bar names and cash withdrawls, along with a few grocery bills. It all dwindled down to the $70 that was still in the account. he told me that was my christmas gift.
For the 4 months or so I have stopped talking altogether about what I'm feeling. I have been holding it all inside, because every time I try to talk to him about things he gets angry, defensive, and turns the conversation back toward me and makes me feel like $#%^! So it all builds up until the next thing I find out he did comes along. Than I cry, scream, have panic attacks. If he's around when it happens he pleads with me to talk to him. I never bother to anymore. He doesn't really want to hear anything I need to say. He's just going to make me feel like trash...Sometimes when he's not here and I find out about something I tar the house apart. Rip the sheet and blankets off the bed, flip the mattress over into the wall, rip the pictures off the wall, throw bins of clothes down the hallway, pull my hair, than fall asleep crying, wake up, and put everything back in it's place, throw away whatever broke. Two days ago I began cutting myself. I have nowhere to go back to. I have no one to turn to. I have no friends, no family that will take me in without manipulating me like he is, NOTHING! I'm trapped! I'm completely utterly alone.
Today I got pissed because he left the baby in his own pee and poop, SOAKED through his clothes, soaked through the play mat he was on, for hours! Because he didn't want to change his diaper. I took off the cold wet clothes and threw it at him. He screamed at me, swore at me, and stormed out of the room. Later he saw the cuts on my arms and got mad at me. He told me to grow up, that our son and him were counting on me, that he was sick on this $#%^, that he was going to call the hospital on me after he got out of work to come take me away, that he was 10 minutes away from calling mom to come take care of the baby.
Death would be so much better.
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