What is the difference between a bf and a father?

I'm in my early 20s and I've always been attracted to much older men around my dad's age. Most girls like older men for their maturity and stability but I find them to be physically attractive too. Their wrinkles and salt & pepper makes them look sophisticated and masculine. I know I have a major electra complex which I still haven't resolved. I was an only child growing up and a daddy's girl. My mom was emotionally detached from me so I got a bit too attached to my dad. I was his princess and he let me boss and order him around.... He treated me better than my mom, bought me whatever I wanted and I was never punished or told off for anything. I loved being a kid.... I had a much better life than my friends in but then things turned bad. My mom and dad split up when I was 7 and I didn't see him for two years. They patched things up and got back together but it was different because I was older and I had a baby brother too. I wasn't my dad's "baby" anymore. That was really emotionally hard for me to handle..... Not having my dad's attention. My mom was cold and distant as ever. I had no one really. I remember crying in my room. I felt like an abandoned orphan and I fantasized about being rescued by an older man. All my life I've been looking for a surrogate dad. I love my dad but I'm not attracted to him. I need a guy who can be my daddy and my boyfriend. I just long to be the center of my dad's universe again. I dont know how I confused the idea of a perfect man with my dad. To me, they're the same. I'm not close to my real dad anymore. He is a jerk and an alcoholic and so different to when I was little. I want a different dad. An older man who will take care of me, spoil me, treat me like his princess, hold me, hug me, let me cuddle up on his lap and go to sleep, give me piggyback rides, and do whatever I tell him and never ever gets mad at me..... I want him to dote on me like my dad did when I was little.. That is my idea of a perfect relationship.... The man does everything he can to keep me happy... I don't really want to do anything for him. I'm also kind of immature for my age. I live with my parents and I tried going to college but I didn't like it there. Even though I got good grades.. My gpa was almost perfect. I just can't cope with any kind of responsibilities.. It makes me stressed out. My favorite things to do: Going shopping, going to the beach, watching cartoons, playing video games, playing with my puppy, feeding the ducks at the park, coloring in and reading books. I know this seems a bit weird but this is what makes me happy. Being an adult makes me depressed. I don't want to be responsible for myself. I don't know how to drive.. I don't have friends my age. I'm too scared to go out of the house by myself. My mom makes dinner, does my laundry and changes my sheets. I do feel bad about that but I can't be bothered doing boring stuff like that. I do have a boyfriend though.. He is an older man in his fifties who I met when I was going to college in a different city.. we went on a few dates before I moved back home. Hes married but we have a long distance relationship. He is okay but I don't think he can give me everything I want. I dont know if anyone can. Because I what I really want is be a girl again with my daddy. I know there are men who are interested in being my "daddy" but iits not just a sexual thing. I want more than that.... I want an actual dad. all the time... its not just some weird fetish. Although it is a turn on for me in bed too ... when a guy acts like my dad, spanks me, teaches me things, etc. I guess part of the reason why I'm so immature is because I feel like my dad won't love me If i grow up. I'm terrified of growing up, let alone getting old. I want to be a girl forever.... cute and adorable and my dad's world.. again I'm not attracted to my dad. I just want a guy like him.. A father figure. My idea of the perfect guy is "Humbert" from the novel, Lolita.. I love this quote, when he says: "I looked and looked at her and I knew as surely as I know that I will die , that I loved her more than anything I had ever seen or imagined on earth" I want an older man to love me that way. I want my dad to love me that way. I always fantasize about being Lolita... I wish I was could live in that novel. Its my dream world. The relationship between Humbert and Lolita is what I want.... a guy that would do anything for me and I want to be a little girl again. I don't want to worry about anything... I want an older man to take care of me. I want to be close to him and special to him... I even have reccuring dreams about older men.... where I'm at home crying and then I hear the door bell... I open the door and theres an older man.. he doesnt say anything.. he just gives me a hug... It is the best feeling in the whole world.. even though it only exists in my dream.. we hug for a really long time... then he kisses me on the forehead and leaves. I want to be special and loved like I was when I was an only child growing up. In my mind, I'm still 8 yrs old. I get upset if people treat me like an adult. I want a man to treat me like a child... not an equal independent woman. I'm so scared of being a woman. I want to be a girl forever... because people were nice to me when I was a kid. I want to them to look at me and go "aww, adorable" like my dad, my dad thought everything I did was adorable, when I was little. He even thought my temper tantrums were adorable. I want a father and a boyfriend in the same man. Its so mixed up in my mind. My idea of a romantic relationship is the same as a father-daughter relationship. I know that sounds sick but I don't wnat to be with my dad in real life. Just a father figure... A perfect dad. I wish I could be a girl forever.. Well Anyway I should stop typing now. Sorry this was so long and thanks for reading...

justagirl, much of what I want to say now will go against what you naturaly seem to want in your lufe. For starters, I think it would be a good idea to counteract your search for a 'father-figure' - i.e. a person who can look after you and remove all sense of responsibility from you. Instead, it might be better to try to improve your independence in life. Do you really suspect you can be happy for the rest of your life by placing your own responsibilities in other peoples' hands? If you ARE okay with this, then great, but I see it as being in prison, in a certain sense. Were you to gain independence, however, then you could dictate your own happiness in life and not have it dependent on others.

Regarding the relationship you're currently in: If it isn't going to go anywhere in the long-term, then just end it now. By ending it now, you could be saving his family life and it would be a good way of proving to yourself that you can actually make decisions for yourself, and take control of your life. I suspect that your natural tendency is to just let things drift and trail off into nothing... ...?

I am the youngest in my family but when I reached my early 20s, I actually prevented my parents from spoiling me any longer. I didnt' want their help because I wanted to become more indeopendent. I refused their money when they offered it to me, and I began douing my own washing and cleaning. I bought my own food too, on occasion. Now, I am 27 and am living on my own in a different country.

Kevin

This isnt really all that surprising. Girls fathers are the bases of what they will look for in a guy for their relationships. It is their foundation of the definition of what a man should be. What troubles me is that you think of yourself as an 8 year old girl and want to be a child for the rest of your life. I think this might be reason to see a psychologist. It is natural for woman to want to be dependant on their man to some degree, but asking that they treat you unequal and baby you all the time is unreasonable.

I know it can be very stressful going off to college and becomeing responsible. but life is stressful, dificult and somtimes depressing. but by avoiding these stressful situations you are only limiting your life expreinces and hurting yourself. the more you build up a wall around yoruself the harder it will be to tear them down and expose yoruself to the real world.

It is all part of growing up, and much to your dismay you will have to do this sooner or later..

I dont think there is any direct harm in likeing anyone who is older then you. and most men women are attracted to resemble your dad. it is not a good sign though that you see him as an alcoholic jerk now. as this will probably impact your preference of men in the future. Regarding your current relationship, i think it is a bad idea. if you dont think he is fullfilling everything you need, then its probably not going to work out, also the fact that you two have been together for so long but he is still with his wife, leads me to believe he is probably just using you. I would end it as soon as possible.

I think you need some help, and because you came here i think you are starting to see this too. I hope to hear back from you on here sometime telling us about a different outlook you have on life. Good luck

A real man (like Humbert) loves a real woman. Not a little girl he has to take care of. If you want real love it's out there, but it only comes in the form of being truly attracted and turned on by their partner. And to truly attract someone, you need to be confident, happy and be able to be responsible for yourself emotionally, mentally and physically. Seems like what you really want is a man to love and protect you, not be your dad. And it also seems there is this child inside of you that felt wronged or neglected. This feeling of loss and dependency is confusing for you and so you try and find it in your partner. Relationships are possible in this manner, but you will have the love of someone as emotionally dependent as yourself. If you want a whole integrated person to love you, (which you do) instead of an emotionally dependent person, then be that person for him.
I know this post is old, but maybe it will help future readers?