End of a relationship, that feels like the end of the world

I like the mentality that you described, i think it is perfectly fine to relax a bit, focus on yourself, and if during this time someone great comes along then good for you, but relationships do not have to be the primary objective all the time...

TemperMental,

I like how you said a "stimulus" to his self esteem. That is so true. When I moved on the first time he was a wreck and kept saying things like he "needed" me and would do anything and things like that, and that is so not like him. I should have known not to take any of it to heart. Then after we got together he quickly changed back to his old self and gained his confidence, and suddenly all that passion and commitment was gone. Ironically enough, the longer our relationship went on the more my confidence went down the drain.

I teared up reading your message because it feels good to hear from someone who can identify with what I am feeling and say that I, like you, will be okay and even stronger from this. I have been telling myself that but not quite believing it.

I guess it's always a possibility that he will regret it and return since he did the last time, but I'm not so sure. That would mean he would have to swallow his pride, and the guy has a LOT of pride to swallow. That was one problem in our relationship, he could never seem to apologize for anything. When he did, it was usually something like "Well I'm sorry that you misinterpreted what I said." When we broke up though, he told me he was sorry for being such a bad boyfriend and it seemed sincere, so maybe he's confident enough in himself now that he won't feel the need to come back to me. But who knows. If he does, I just hope I'm strong enough to say no.

I should've clarified what I meant by him returning - I meant one day he'll realize how much he hurt you and will want to apologize to say the least. I apologize for giving you room for false hope. It happened to me several times, even though the relationship was well and truly over and I took it as a blessing in disguise, deep down I knew I was better off. And yes, she did come groveling back months after I caught her cheating - and I must admit it was a thoroughly satisfying victory. How thy mighty had fallen. After the initial grieving process you'll eventually realize that too.

I found talking to a few close friends about my experience helped. It was almost like a vice to channel my resentment and really get it off my chest. Believe me, listening to yourself about the bad will really do your wonders - it'll be like amputating a diseased limb and you'll look at it and think "boy am I glad I did that". And you don't need a chorus of agreement from your friends to affirm your state of mind. At the end of the day, as cold as it might sound; he didn't love you as much as you did him and for that reason alone he's not worth being scarred over.

Sometimes in relationships where there has been a mismatch of self esteem, we have what's known as a "harmonisation" effect whereby over time both partners subconsciously adopt each others level of self esteem. The person with the lower self esteem (your ex) adopts their partner's higher self esteem and vice versa. I believe you were a victim of this diagnosis from what you mentioned earlier. He exploited your kindness and forgiving nature as a pedestal to attain greater success - "cheers then"!

Sorry to ramble on, I'll try and sum it up; just know in your heart of hearts, you did good and don't let this experience put you off finding true love and embarking on a new journey. Learn from your mistakes too, your initial instincts were right but you let your sympathy for this fool cloud your judgement. Be careful how you go.

I apologize in advance if I offended you with some harsh yet telling points. If you'd like to discuss further, feel free to PM me. Peace to you. I hope you find happiness.

TemperaMental

Im having the same issue, i just cry in my room and sleep. thats my new life now.

Dont worry you will be fine trust me...

I'm sorry, I know how terrible it feels. That doesn't sound promising. :/