I'm a horrible person :(

I end up meeting a nice girl and she's so sweet but then I start having episode's crying and really frantic talking about wanting to die because I hurt so bad from the nasty depression & rejection issues then after awhile she will either turn completely cold to my complaining or turn mean towards me telling me to quit it, last night I started the whole process again with the sweetest girl I've ever met and I cant escape my problem's taking over what I say no matter how much I want to stop doing it , I hate how I talk when I'm getting psychotic it's creepy and makes me feel like I'm not a human being talking so inquisitively and overwhelming I just hate being this way, and last night when we finally met I was feeling over affectionate again wanting to grab hug and kiss her but was keeping my distance in pain because the plan was to be a good friend but no I gotta ruin everything! Oh yeah and I've been sending her either gloomy or cheery message's non stop over face book and instant messenger really fast frantic like and that's just like what a stalker would do, it's like I have no flipping self control when I'm having an episode - please someone help explain how you deal with this?

You are not a horrible person! You just have a problem and you're working on getting better. I'm sure you didn't ruin things. Maybe you could call your psych when you start feeling like this, or you could post here, to keep yourself from doing anything bad.

Jasmin I've found out from my brother that this girl's father commited suicide, my brother ended up telling me because I told this girl I wanted to kill myself the other night before I ever knew about her father's death, she told her mother this about me out of concern & now my brother tells me to speak nothing about it to her and it's eating me up inside. I can't evan apologize to her and it's killing me with this awful depression.

Oh ###$ just forget it.

Jason, you couldn't have known! You could just say sorry for the way you've been acting and tell her that you didn't really mean it when you said some of those things and apologise for making her feel weird, without mentioning her dad.

Your exactly right Jasmin and that's exactly what I've done, She's not mad at me (shocked but relieved) that's such a testament to how my mind plays trick's on me!. I've also posted a thread on facebook talking about this "
Never has the text "the truth will set you free" from some scripture? meant more to me as when I have an idea of someone I start admiring thinking something negative about me and having no relief from the idea until that one person tells me the truth which is either correct to my fabricated reality or quite incorrect - either way it set's me free.", In my case I couldn't escape that psychotic depression until I had an absolute resolve to calm my mind from it's racing tormenting thought's. I'm sorry about the cussing on my last reply & thank you for the great advice Jasmin!

Sorry guy. But I think you have probably ruined any chance of having a good relationship with her. You have to wait a while before you can really share any feelings with someone. You should have a therapist who you can unload on.

Parador wrote:Sorry guy. But I think you have probably ruined any chance of having a good relationship with her. You have to wait a while before you can really share any feelings with someone. You should have a therapist who you can unload on.

Yeah I agree.

Relationships are supposed to be fun, you may have scared her off.

It doesn't matter what we do or say. We're always horrible to women.

If it truly is over, at least you found out sooner than later.

Parador wrote:You have to wait a while before you can really share any feelings with someone.

I used to think that way too. But man, screw it. I'd rather unload intentionally on a girl just to see how she handles it. I'll even exaggerate stuff if I need to. If she takes it well without busting your balls, you know there's REAL potential there. If she reacts all messed up, at least you see her true personality. And if she bails out at the first sign of trouble, well, you know it wouldn't work anyways.