unethical?

forget i posted, never mind...

I'm sorry I missed your post before you edited it.
You ok backpaq?

I'm back. Just dealing through a lot of emotion lately.

I started seeing a female clinical psychologist around twelve years ago. Very professional relationship the first couple years. Then I started getting told "I love you as if you were my own". She retired yet told me she was not letting me go. We continued therapy. She has a daughter (51) and two grands (17 & 16). I know them well.
Now I'm attached to the point it is painful. When her daughter is there (which is from the time school doors shut on Fri until Sun 8 pm) (every break) (all summer), etc. I then get told basically I don't know how to be her friend. We live maybe 7 miles from each other and now go weeks to a couple months without seeing each other...for that mother/daughter (lol) hug. She calls me normally daily at 11:30 (ish), 2:30 (ish); 5:30 (ish); and 10:15pm and we talk until bed at 11:30 pm. I asked her a couple days ago to quit calling me except for maybe once on Thursdays...She gets angry, lets me know she does not think like I do, and lets me know I do not know how to be a friend.....There are soooo many details...I write more later....

I just need to try to work through all the emotions...I also know, next week when her life goes back to normal she will sweet talk or whatever it is and be back to all the calls, etc. I just don't feel I can do this anymore....it hurts all the time...I love her too much.

What she said to you is extremely unethical, and actually because she was your doctor she should have been reported .... actually she still should even though she isn't working with you any longer and is retired.

Who phones you your ex doctor or the daughter ?

the retired doctor calls me. she also has continued to see me for years even though she is retired. She told me she was going to keep me on even though she was retiring. She started treating me years ago for ptsd. For years (10 at least) she has referred to me as one of her own, made comments that she was my mother, etc. She loves me like a daughter, etc. We have acted as mother and daughter at times also. Had many meals together, birthday socials, etc.

Now, it's all getting thrown back on me and I'm being told I am wrong for how I feel and that she would never say she is like my mom anymore and that she loves me like a daughter...now, she just loves me as if i was one of hers.

When she and her husband is alone again, then the calls resume with all the things I so longed to hear my own mom say...then I become all attached again until things change a week or two later. Then once again, I don't know how to be a friend or how to love. I get told she does not think like me.

I have other friends and don't control them, are not jealous of their relationships with others or their families....my other friends and I talk on the phone (not daily) and visit each other 2 or 3 times a month....seems to me I have normal friendships with everyone except her. I don't know why....I am so confused but I know I don't feel right and I am tired of always hurting and wondering when this will happen again....I do love her as a mom, but I did not step over the line and lead us there for I know that is/should be a no-no.....I think it has done me more harm than good....

I feel as if I've had a death in my immediate family with what I feel now. I cry often and constantly hurt....

Totally unethical.

Hello, I'm still here. I have my moments but I busy myself during these times. I think I'm doing right thinking about myself and my well being right now. I do miss this lady but I feel in the long run my doing what I am now will be best for me. Thanks for posting how to get past grieving. I have used the tools provided there to help me get through this process.

I don't know you guys but I appreciate your help and support. This is tough...however, I will survive...it's just another person (with an education, goodness forgive if I forget that) who has violated me.

It is amazing how they all (violators) put the blame back on you...instead of admitting they were at fault also....

Thanks again...Backpaq

I can't do this anymore. I am to blame for everything. Why am I so vile? I feel I never should have been born. What is so wrong with me? I would never intentionally hurt a sole...Why am I soooo vile? What have I done sooooooo wrong since birth? It has to be me...I should have never been born...I'm so sorry I was and am. Should I go away only to maybe and hopefully come back as someone worth taking in air? What am I to do? I feel worse now than I ever have. No wonder my mom hates me, no wonder my grandmom hated me. I hate me as well. I have done this. I should be punished. I will punish me.

backpaq, why are you feeling this way? Did the doctor or daughter say something to you these past few days? What happened since the last time you were here?

The calls have started back since her 51 yr old daughter went home with her two children. (ages 18, 17) I don't understand why I have to be there. I am made to feel she misunderstood me while they were there so she did not call. What, my life stays the same. It does not change. I am a mother all the time. I have two grown children and one child (12) that lives full time with myself and his father. We are self employed. My life is the same. What did she misunderstand. I have a live in child all the time. He is 12. He is not 51. He does not leave and go somewhere else for the week until school is out for the weekend. I am the same. Don't use my past relationship with my father and grandmother and mom against me. I feel this is being done. I don't understand how they could hate me and how she can use this against me now. I did not ask for things to happen as they did as a child yet maybe I did... Can a child be so vile and then carry it over to adulthood? I just simply want to love and be loved as a person. I even have never felt God could love me. I have went years without participating in communion because I am so vile. He certainly can't love me. Mom and grandmom never did....now here is this semi-retired educated doctor that claims to then turns her "51 yr old childs insecurities" against me and claims I do not think like her...(the educated doctor). What have I done so wrong? Why am I so vile? I jump when she wants, I call when she says, I'm home when she normally calls, I wait for her when she is late. She calls 3-4 times a day. She has offered to come over and visit 2 times this week already. I have declined....I need to separate and put space between us continually and she only wants to do this when school is out for her grandchildren, when her daughter runs back home to mommie. Then all of a sudden I'm the bad guy again. I'm the intruder. I feel as if I'm only her time filler when the others are not around and I feel she uses my childhood against me to make me feel as if I am to blame. I am tired of feeling this way. I am tired of feeling I am no good. I actually feel as if I am vile. I feel I am to blame for everyone's problems. How could God create someone like me. I wish He would erase me and let life go as if I did not exist. But on the other hand, I don't feel I am this horrible...I have never tried to hurt anyone. All I want and have ever wanted was to love and respect people and have the same in return. I even have a hard time being assertive. What is so wrong with me?