how to deal with aspergers?

Hello,

my name is Michael and I am german so if my grammar or anything else is strange please forgive me.

I hope that some of you can give me some hints. I got to know a guy on the internet and before writing him, I knew that he has Aspergers as it was written in his profile. But I've been a bit naiv when I thought that it can't be that hard when he's chatting all day long. But it is.
I have my difficulties with people, too. But it is the opposite, I do understand feelings and resulting actions so well that people keep me on distance so that I can't invade into their mind too deeply.
At the beginning I didn't care that much about whether he was answering or not, but now I really like him and as a consequence I'm getting more and more angry if he doesn't answer me. However he says that he does not communicate well and that he just wants to be loved or at least liked.
It starts to hurt me that he seems to ignore me from time to time, but I don't want to break tie as I were just another disappointment.

Could you please help me?

Hi,

I have Asperger's Syndrome.

The difficulties in communication that we ('we' = people with Asperger's Syndrome) have is when we are talking to people physically. However, when we are talking to someone on the Internet, things are very different and easier for us. Also, when your friend ignores you, he is probably feeling very stressedand is not in the mood to talk to anybody.

I think that you should talk to him about this problem. Say to him: 'Why do you ignore me sometimes? - it hurts me a small bit'. You should also talk to him about his condition too. For example, ask him if having Asperger's Syndrome makes his life difficult or easy overall.

Tschüß,
Kevin

sweet that you said "tschüß"

well, I did so, but he just didn't answer. In the meantime he said that it becomes too intense for him. I think I just expect too much for the moment. Maybe it's just the lesson I have to learn, not to know someone after a few days. Never had that, thus I'm probably insecure. But it's hard to write something and nothing comes back. No comment, no smiley, just nothing.

However, thanks for your answer.

Hi again,

Yes, the word "intense" describes it too; and I know all of this because I behave like him when I talk to people on the Internet too. For example, if I am talking to someone on MSN Messenger, sometimes I become very stressed suddenly, and I then do not feel like talking to them. However, I do not intend to be cruel/ignorant to them.

Bis bald,
Kevin

How much german do you speak?

Yeah, it was on msn. I do understand this, but I don't know, it were nice if he said that he is stressed right now and he will write later. Anyway, you can't change it, at least not for me

bye michael

I do not speak any good German. My main languages are English, Irish, French, and Spanish. Anyway, regarding your friend again: You need to express your true feelings with him. Otherwise, he will treat you like a piece of dirt.

Kevin

I am in a relationship with an Aspergers man. If they don't want to talk to you I'm sorry to say there is no way to make him do it.

This is a challenge and always will be. You have to get into a place where you get used to the idea that is how he is and will always be.

If you decide to love this person you will always be challenged with communication. You pretty much have to accept the way he is now as he will be that way for the rest of his life. I've had to do that, its hard and often very sad because you don't get the emotional support you sometimes need.

I now work with people AS and have start to further my studies in Adult AS so if you would like to talk more or have questions feel free to Private Message me as I have thing that may help you with your feelings and what to do right now.

Take care
Chelles.

Regretably - yes - that is the truth, Chelles. I have Asperger's Syndrome and have explained to Wennofer that he will probbaly have to just accept that his friend will be quiet or remiss with him at times. I know this because I do it too. However, if you people (non-Asperger's sufferers) were somehow able to find the correct moments to talk to us, then it would be possible to have a lengthy conversation. You have to know when your friend/partner with Asperger's is willing to talk though. My mother doesn't get it always right when she tries to talk to me, but she does get it right the odd time.

Another way would be to make a compromise, such as asking your friend/partner to set-aside some time during each day during which he/she MUST talk to you about stuff. Think of it as a compromise.

Kevin

Kevin is right... add 'time to talk' to the routine of a day or week and it will happen. AS people like advance warning, this means they are prepared and cope a little more with your comments or demands of them. I do this and so far it's working well.
But at the end of the day if they don't want to talk you are right of luck. Don't push it or you'll end up with a situation that doesn't suit either of you... or worst of all no friendship.

The approach is working very well for me too. You need both parties to understand why the approach is being used in the first place though, in order to make it work most effectively. Do you think that you could try this approach, Wennofer? I know that you said you only talk to this person on the Internet, but you could still begin each conversation with a 'Are you okay to talk now?' I'm sure that your friend would appreciate your consideration.

If, however, he starts to behave in the same way (i.e. - ignoring you), then you shouldn't bother trying to talk to him if he's not going to bother with you. In some cases, however, the act of you ignoring him might trigger him to actually talk to you himself (I know this because I think like him, as I've already mentioned).

Kevin