Crash

Before July I had one major friend, and he and I stopped talking three years ago. I had only ever kissed two people, and hadn't really dated anyone. As soon as I moved in July, I all of the sudden had friends and several boys interested in me, I don't/didn't know how to handle the situation at all, and ended up dating the one I probably shouldn't have. He is incredibly Narcissistic, and manipulative. We dated for about a month (some time in August to sometime in September). I slept with him Oct. 8th, three times. The third time lacked a condom (I'm not getting into that, if I end up pregnant I'm getting an abortion, case closed. I feel like crap enough about it).

I know he's no good, I know he's a liar and manipulative, but I dunno why, I can't help but be attracted to him. I'm finally getting my life on track, and he's the antithesis of that. He's like me, a year or so ago. So I dunno why I'm posting this, comments or help are unbelievably appreciated. Thanks.

Hi, Lyric. I know narcisistic, manipulative guys can seem very atractive. I think it's becouse of the wall they sometimes put between their feelings and ours. It's possible that you feel atracted to him becouse he is distant and he gives you enough attention for you to get by and still feel like he cares. And then he is cold again and you can just dream about how your relationship might be. I think you are trying to avoid emotional attachment, becouse it's scary. And this guy might be a way for you to hold on to your past, becouse you are afraid of moving forward.

I can see how that's true. After we broke up, I dated a poor guy for a week before I dumped him... He just... called me every night, was always there, and it drove me up the wall.

In contrast, Tyler (the Narcissist) is only around when I want him to be, and then it's only to play around or to be sexual. His basic ideals towards helping someone are to tell them "$#%^ happens" or that they shouldn't complain about their issues to others. *beats head on wall* I just... Don't want to think that I'm strictly attracted to bad relationships.

Oh, I know it can be so frustrating. We need a guy who's a bit distant so we can do what we like with our "relationship", in our head. He does sound like he is really self involved and he's mean to people. Being with guys who are always around makes us feel like they're too needy. And maybe some of them are... We just have to find a nice ballance. Someone who isn't needy, but who cares about our feelings too.

It's just hard. He broke up with me because of issues he was having (which I can believe, he has a pretty messed up life). He says he still cares about me, and does... he wants intimacy, its almost like he prefers hugging and kissing and just holding as much as sex.

I think a bit of the attraction is that he does have a messed up life and I want to 'fix' him.

I think you are probably right. We need to help and fix people becouse it makes us feel wanted and needed. Do you think you could ever get back together with him? Maybe you need to let him go, if you couldn't be together again. I know, it's hard.

I know I need to let him go. He's actually in the basic process of dropping out of high school and moving to another town for Job Corps. Its just... I dunno. It's the first time since I've felt this connected to someone, and such an awful person at that.

Do you mean that you've been in this sort of relationship before? It's understandable if you feel like you need to recreate it, so you can get a little closure. I think when we feel this drawn to someone, it might be that they remind us of someone who we can't reach, emotionally.

He reminds me of me from when i was a wreck

Ok, Lyric, maybe you're just trying to hold on to your past. How did you change and get better? Maybe you can tell him and help him that way.