Ummm, I think I really like this person.

OH MY GOD. That woman looks like a total freakin' goddess. Holy shnikeys! I couldn't stop thinking about her the entire day. I still can't stop thinking about her; she looked just scorching insanely hot! Big eyes, hot skinny body, like in total control over her body, SO relaxed, but alert, and she said she'd talk to her GM about the membership stuff. I kept getting all nervous walking to Jamba and nervous about:

1. I really want to please her (or If she doesn't have an interest in a relationship, then women LIKE her) sexually, but am not sure how.
2. She just seemed SO much more wise and experienced than me and that feels intimidating.
3. She acts so relaxed and I just constantly feel wired, energetic, alive, nervous, exhilarated, etc.
4. MAbye she looked bored.
5. I don't know maybe I'm so used to trying to provide things people need in their life, and she just seems satisfied with everything and looks gorgeous and sounds cool, that I can't satisfy anything with her?

AH!! I don't like constantly thinking about her -- or any person! -- because then I can't give to them and then I get all nervous thinking about them. How can I use this to increase my happiness?
I made an if statement


if (she says no to "do you wanna grab dinner")
then I say, "that's cool, worth a shot. It would have killed me; crippled me if I never asked! You look like a yoga teacher, do you teach yoga. yoga people age...etc.

else if (she says yes)
then suggest a place to dine.

then I have a whole new list of worries to think about.

But I couldn't help thinking that I felt like all of her beauty, calmness, etc (I want to get to know her better, that's it) I do have an interest in ######6 her brains out, of course, but also really cultivating some majestic intimacy, too.

But I always get WAY too far ahead of myself. I could tell her:
that I think she's a goddess; a beautiful being; incredibly calm, peaceful, and soothing in her presence; graceful and totally relaxed. WOWO.

One thing that seriously makes me nervous is that she's probably been with a TON of guys like about 10x more hookups than I've had. That makes me feel nervous and kind of helpless because I don't feel like I can take an active role. I mean if she's sexually SO much more experienced than I (a likely assumption), I feel like I'd be the student and she the teacher, but she doesn't say much. She acts very Uncontrolling. I feel like all this work I've done -- tons of writing, web design - just lifetimes upon eons of lifetimes worth of work operated as a way of biding time until I meet a woman like that, and when I meet a woman like that, then it seems like I just want to have great sex ,fun times, travel and live in the "external world" and just culminate and close off the internal world writing and work. Like all the internal world work set-up the external world living!

Conclusively, I think I feel simultaneously VERY nervous and VERY excited that she has such a calm, soothing, relaxed disposition. Her eyes look like the depths of a great ocean. But I feel very concerned that I could totally fall head-over-heals for her, then discover she only dates like "football jocks" or already dates someone, etc. Also, her beauty seriously makes me feel VERY unconfident
with anything sexual. The mere thought of sexual intimacy with her would be analogous to this: "I'm in a home-made go-cart and she's in some sleek modern, dodge viper, race car, and then we "race"" or something like that. Compared to her grace, I just feel awkward, stuttery and like a dolt. But then my main fear feels like I don't know how to connect with her. I don't know how to most effectively -- with the highest performativity -- show my love, make her feel loved, and have a good relationship....IF a relationship even forms, I don't even know if that's possible yet! Even though I'd be willing to change a lot of things about myself for her, I also fear abandoning good focus I have for other things. I must keep friends, job, and health equally as in alignment with the "love relationship" aspect. I fear losing her when I don't even "have her". She feels like the type of person that you never "have anyway"; just very free. I feel afraid of "messing things" up, saying something awkward and/or stupid and blowing my chances with her or something.

kooz wrote:But I feel very concerned that I could totally fall head-over-heals for her

Wait, are you sure that this hasn't already happened? It sounds like you are completely infatuated with this lady; but that you feel inferior to her and, indeed, you are afraid of her. In love, there is no inferiority or superiority; there just is one level that both partners live on in complete bliss.

kooz wrote:One thing that seriously makes me nervous is that she's probably been with a TON of guys like about 10x more hookups than I've had.

Why is this a problem? Are you not confidant about yourself? Is she possibly so shallow that she will judge a man based on his sexual exploits?


I have been infatuated many times in my life. It gives you a feeling of invincibility in everything BUT love. If anything, infatuation makes you fear love. Try to calm yourself down a bit and then consider your next move.

Take care,
Kevin.
Kevin

Chucky wrote:
Wait, are you sure that this hasn't already happened? It sounds like you are completely infatuated with this lady; but that you feel inferior to her and, indeed, you are afraid of her. In love, there is no inferiority or superiority; there just is one level that both partners live on in complete bliss.

CHuck! Awesome to run into you on the board! I loved sharing ideas about the novels (being better than movies) in that other thread! I have a lot of respect for you advice, too!

I think you're right...unfortunately. I've only shared about 5 minutes of facetime with her, and I did talk to her on the phone about 15 minutes or so and its blossommed into this annoying (because it feels so overwhelming) infatuation.

Yeah, you're right. Unfortunately. I feel fear and inferiority around her. Those don't fulfill your presence; and the sensations around her probably don't bode well. I should probably just put my effort into cutting bait. Thanks again for being so direct. Your directness, chucky, feels like an ENORMOUS help!

Good call about the "complete bliss" thing. Just the fact that I get tormented with worry and doubt (fear -- excellent read there, my good chap!) insinuates that this may NOT be the good partner. I still seek that, though, and it felt very exciting to think I had found it!

One thing that seriously makes me nervous is that she's probably been with a TON of guys like about 10x more hookups than I've had.

Why is this a problem? Are you not confidant about yourself? Is she possibly so shallow that she will judge a man based on his sexual exploits?

I don't know why that's a problem. I thin I, honestly, feel like if a relationship formed, I would feel possessive of her (already a VERY bad sign -- possessive love suffocates) and then might become jealous of her previous loves. I just think this woman creates problems for me. Maybe I like problems. Maybe she could just be bad news, possibly?

I don't think she's shallow. She comes across as very deep. I just think she'll be so much more natural and less worrisome than me about sex or anything like that. And that lack of worry feels intimidating (when, I guess, it should feel comforting, but it doesn't). Maybe she judges HERSELF from her past experiences.

I seriously don't understand why I've tried to read so much into this when I hardly know her. My only theory is that she kind of "spiritually or something" stirs up chemistry.

I have been infatuated many times in my life. It gives you a feeling of invincibility in everything BUT love. If anything, infatuation makes you fear love. Try to calm yourself down a bit and then consider your next move.

Take care,
Kevin.
Kevin

HAHA! :LOL: So true. I was thinking about this, and I realized I had to do all these things (health, errands, calling friends, work, etc.) to kind of "build up confidence" to "earn some "confidence money"" to ask her out. I feel strong in those other areas, but you're right, when you get down to confronting the object of the infatuation, it feels frightening.

It feels difficult to calm down, but I feel like the next move should be just NOT trying to interact with her?

Thanks again, chucky. Been out hiking or rowing at all recently? I camped out a few weeks ago in this intense tornado! Wild.

Hey chucky (kevin?),

Thought about your comment. kind of a "angels tread where fools rush in approach"? But I don't think she is a life partner, but she IS DEFINITELY something big in my life . Maybe someone who resembles a female part of me; or maybe someone who is the opposite of me; it could be, possibly, a strong dislike in a way....who knows. I'm realizing the connection isn't a blissful love relationship thing at all, but it really feels strong in some way. Like maybe I have some valuable lesson to learn from her. I hate living where I am now; she looked very comfortable with herself, mabye I was so drawn to her "ease" than to her, sepcifically...who knows.

Yo kooz,

You appear very hyper, you know that!? Maybe it's the way you phrase your sentences or the words you use or... ...I don't know. You just appear hyper. Maybe it's just all of this love that's in the air.

I haven't been out hiking or campng recently but I dream about it everyday. I dream of going away to a deserted island, setting up a shelter, and living off the land for the rest of my life (kind of like in Robinson Crusoe).

From your second post it seems like you cannot make up your mind at all about how to approach this. When that happens, you always end up doing nothing and letting the love fade away. So, are you either going to act or aren't you? I had a crush on a girl - my childhood sweetheart - for 13 years and never made a move. She's now nowhere near in my life and proabably never will be again.

What age are you kooz? I'm only 24. I'm guessing you are 19, 20, or 21 but I'm most likely wrong!


Kevin.

Take your time, think with your mind, not your heart before going any further.

Chucky wrote:Yo kooz,

You appear very hyper, you know that!? Maybe it's the way you phrase your sentences or the words you use or... ...I don't know. You just appear hyper. Maybe it's just all of this love that's in the air.

haha! you, (just like how I perceived you as an outdoorsy type from the types of books you read) "read me well". you're right. I can be a VERY hyper person at times.

I haven't been out hiking or campng recently but I dream about it everyday. I dream of going away to a deserted island, setting up a shelter, and living off the land for the rest of my life (kind of like in Robinson Crusoe).

That sounds awesome. Have you watched any bear grylls. I love that dude's heroicism and incredibly quick-witted survival skills.

From your second post it seems like you cannot make up your mind at all about how to approach this. When that happens, you always end up doing nothing and letting the love fade away. So, are you either going to act or aren't you? I had a crush on a girl - my childhood sweetheart - for 13 years and never made a move. She's now nowhere near in my life and proabably never will be again.

What age are you kooz? I'm only 24. I'm guessing you are 19, 20, or 21 but I'm most likely wrong!


Kevin.

We're about the same age. I'm 23. I already have asked her out, remember (wait, did I mention that?). She said she had a boyfriend. Oh i've made up my mind very much so. If I see her, I'll say something like "all the beautiful women always have boyfriends" or something complimentary, but I don't want to intrude her life nor annoy her. My mind is VERY made up though! It may be a bit (quite) frantic, though.

Thanks.

J_M wrote:Take your time, think with your mind, not your heart before going any further.

Umm....your mind can keep thinking, just like chucky said with his old sweetheart, and then the heart can die, friend! Best connect with both of those resources.

I have great conversations with fun, energizing, emotionally attractive women and it feels fun, but then either I or they get nervous or some barrier arises. The problem is that I only feel comfortable getting sexual (and only feel sexually attracted towards) women who typically don't have much going on in the emotionally healthy department. This isn't "masochistic"; it's just that women who I find sexually attractive, typically (coincidentally don't have much going on in the emotionally healthy department). Do you think I "misperceive" sexual interest as something else? Maybe I sublimate anger to sexual interest???

The same paragraph written another way: I feel like the conversation is endless and INFINITE and great and fun and nonjudgmental and totally OPEN, I feel a strong emotional connection! But I don't get the physical attraction from people like that, typically. I think I fear physical attraction with whom I feel get the emotionally-alive vibe from, and then get turned on by women who treat me $#%^ are stupid and/or just have no emotional connection with, but I find extremely "hot". why can't I feel turned on to the women in which I feel emotionally attracted? How can I not have emotional interest preclude sexual interest? This has happened to me over and over again in my life. I date a fun emotional woman and we slowly, gradually become more intimate and then these barriers arise and I end up just chucking that relationship (or putting it on the way backburner) and go date some big-boobed nimrod woman who sexually satisfies me, but makes me feel emotionally like $#%^.

Alternatively, maybe this is what's going on. Maybe I'm making a distinction between women who feel like "friends" and women who are actually "lovers"; one's fun, snappy, and friendly, and the other is actually romantic and sexual. I think it's important to have members of the opposite sex as mere friends and, of course, lovers, too. Maybe the distinction is a simple as that. The women I feel sexually attracted towards are lovers and the women that I have great conversations with are friends.

I'd really like to be able to focus and have contingency (into more sexual passion) with the women that I actually like and have fun with on a "platonic-friend" level, too.


Also, chucky, don't worry man. I've wasted too many years, too much of my life with "regret" to bother "not sharing love".

The best line I heard about passion was from percy shelley that's something like "express your passion to those whom you love, or live your life in frustration".

That struck a ton of chords.

Also, the hyperness stems from 1)love chemistry; 2)excitement of connecting with this board; 3)eagerness of possible getting some answers.


Besides love should feel exciting, not imprisoning. It definitely feels energizing when you don't have fear, but overwhelming when you do.

Here's another wierd thing: I talked on the phone with her for about 15 minutes or so (before seeing her) (because she was helping me with gym membership stuff) and we just hit it right off the bat and had a great conversation, lots of jokes, fun little phrases, etc. Then when I finally saw her and met her, I just kind of clammed up and became obsessed. That means my physical perception of her kind of jolted me and/or disturbed me or something. Strangely, she seemed to be a lot less talkative in person, too.