terrible and constant control in relationship

Sure.

Batu Chan,

First, you criticize Aka Manto for his "victim" mentality and proceed to pick him apart, and then you criticize Shock_ for "shooting the messenger".

What are you on this this thread for? To tear ppl down to your level? Sheesh.

I did it!
I cancelled this horrid relationship.
I just dialed her and said that no longer want to carry on this relationship. That I feel horrible, miserable and so on.

However, there are some complications.

1
We had sex several weeks before breakup. Sex was protected (condoms), however my mind considers even protected sex as a chance to impregnate a woman (I have OCD, yep).

So, part of me fears that in some weeks she will phone me and try to force me into marriage.
I am already thingking on arguments against marriage and try to tell myself that I will hold my ground and tell her that such marriage is doomed and will be a torment to both of us

2
I fear that right know she is devising some scheme to force me back. And I fear that such scheme will be effective. I am very susceptible to guilt

3
We will have to meet because I have her keys and she has my underwear

4
Sometimes I feel myself awful, cruel etc

Hey Aka Manto,

Okay, so just because someone has strong emotions, does not mean anything in and of itself. I really don't know when, or where, along the way emotions became currency in a vacuum, that matter more than character, but unfortunately it's a belief now. 'My toxic partner has strong emotions, so it must mean something important', ah what?

A serial killer may have a strong emotional investment in finding victims and carrying out a horrific act, but it does not mean the victims should have sympathy, or try to understand their point of view.

Character does matter though. I can only guess that character got placed second in societies where we have endless time to wallow in our emotions.

I get it, she has shown you a lot of strong emotions and you are still feeling guilt about that, but does she have character, something of real value to feel guilty over?

I`am really sort of anxious about the consequences of my actions and will appreciate any ideas

I know it's just words, but ...

Regardless of who is at 'fault', you really are doing yourself and her a favor by being honest, the relationship is toxic for you. If you aren't happy then it can't work.