terrible and constant control in relationship

shock_the_monkey wrote:what you need here is some self-respect. pride isn't something that features in my life, however, i do have some self-respect. you might not think so but i'm actually quite humble.

I`ll ponder on it. It seems that I have pride as a smart being but I have zero self-respect as a personality

Aka Manto wrote:

shock_the_monkey wrote:what you need here is some self-respect. pride isn't something that features in my life, however, i do have some self-respect. you might not think so but i'm actually quite humble.

I`ll ponder on it. It seems that I have pride as a smart being but I have zero self-respect as a personality

... i, personally, think that IQ is over-rated - in many ways, EQ is more important. fortunately, i do have some degree of SQ, which does compensate for my lack of EQ.

of self-respect, the most important thing to recognise is that you're no more or less worthy of respect than anyone else. self-respect is really a matter of demanding the respect of yourself that you would show to others. it's a bit like 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you', but in reverse, ie: 'don't let others do unto you as you wouldn't do unto them'.

in other words, you can't just internalise self-respect. you have to be prepared to show others that you respect yourself sufficiently to not allow them to wantonly disrespect you. it's about having boundaries ... and applying them. and by wantonly, i mean these people that would deliberately and wilfully abuse you (like 'barbell').

shock_the_monkey wrote:'don't let others do unto you as you wouldn't do unto them'

That's a good mantra: being harder on oneself than on others, just lead to being taken advantage of.

I am not trying to be mean here, but reading your history even from 6 years ago make me think that you love being the victim. Could it be that you are doing this in order to avoid meeting your dark side? You seem to need someone to hurt you, to be able to point your finger and and say: she is evil! Because as long as someone else is evil, you are not. From what I have read so far it seems to me that you have never loved her, you used her for sexual pleasure and you played a game to make her think otherwise. You want to buy her a diamond ring now??..pff get off your high horse and treat her like a human. Tell her you got bored of someone who knew you too well, who got emotional at times because missing you hurt, being used hurt, being lied to hurt. Tell her there is an image in your mind about who you are and that does not meet what she knows about you. And maybe.. just maybe tell her about all the other personalities here that you have conversations with, who have your back no matter if you are a grumpy little kid, an annoying spoiled brat, a nerd who is too shy to say anything or a diva who loves hiding behind sex. Tell her you dont want the truth, you dont want to be loved as them, but you'd prefer to come up with a new character everytime.. and enjoy just the honeymoon phase. Once they know you, you cant stand them anymore. She is not the first girl you drop when they see you for who you are. She was never meant to be yours. She knew that. She tried hard though to make you understand that you were loveable. Unfortunately she cant give you the courage or self esteem you need for accepting that.

You were never attracted to her physically, but you loved when she comforted you during hard times? Does not it sound like you used her? Maybe that was not so easy for her to understand. That all those emotions were fake?

Well, she loved you .. both your mind and your body. She was happy when she could comfort you. And she certainly listened and paid attention when you told her about yourself, cause you two never even met in person. Am I right?

Btw Ada how was your trip to Japan?
And why does one of you feel like a cheese?
Who is in love with HIM and therefore trying hard to knock me down?
Shockthemonkey you are one of them too. Your wikipedia edits give you away.
Stop acting like a clever brother.

You need criticism. You find it hard to take it, but it is good for you. Start getting used to the real world. Daydreaming is your escapism, but it will not lead you to anything enjoyable.

Btw Terrible and constant control? Is not that a bit of self projection from you again? You never let her know the real situation. How is that for wanting to be in control?

If you post here that you'd prefer she left you for good, she will. I can promise you that.
Just for one second though, try to understand what she got into the moment she started talking to you..and all the others. For a long time she did not even know if it was her mind playing games on her or a troll playing around. You'll never understand what it felt like from here...Anyway, your turn to let me know if you want her to leave for good.

Batu Chan wrote:Shockthemonkey you are one of them too. Your wikipedia edits give you away.

... oh, this is so funny. do you know anything about my life? apparently not!

shock_the_monkey wrote:

Batu Chan wrote:Shockthemonkey you are one of them too. Your wikipedia edits give you away.

... oh, this is so funny. do you know anything about my life? apparently not!

You have 4120 posts so yes maybe I know a little about you.

Batu Chan wrote:

shock_the_monkey wrote:

Batu Chan wrote:Shockthemonkey you are one of them too. Your wikipedia edits give you away.

... oh, this is so funny. do you know anything about my life? apparently not!

You have 4120 posts so yes maybe I know a little about you.

... and they're virtually all about helping other people, not me. the only exception that i can actually think of is this one ...

anti-psych/topic205623.html

... so, if you want to have a pop at me, here's your opportunity.

but i will tell you this: you won't make yourself feel any better by making other people feel worse.

I don't want to "pop" at you. I don't even know what that is supposed to mean. You post more about yourself than you'd think:

there are two things that i'm not good at: language and people. I feel, and I feel a sense of tiredness subliminally pouring from this. ... i've seen too much of life and lived too many years. tired is quite probably an under-statement...

I thought that was about you. And replying to the post you found important to share with me, let me say that as an adult with pretty good instincts, I can make the difference between what I see and what I am being told I should see.

Keep helping "others" but when someone tries helping you keep shooting the messenger. I see it worked well so far.

Batu Chan wrote:I don't want to "pop" at you. I don't even know what that is supposed to mean. You post more about yourself than you'd think:

there are two things that i'm not good at: language and people. I feel, and I feel a sense of tiredness subliminally pouring from this. ... i've seen too much of life and lived too many years. tired is quite probably an under-statement...

I thought that was about you. And replying to the post you found important to share with me, let me say that as an adult with pretty good instincts, I can make the difference between what I see and what I am being told I should see.

Keep helping "others" but when someone tries helping you keep shooting the messenger. I see it worked well so far.

... Batu Chan, i will be blunt here. this is NOT my thread. trying to make it about me is OFF TOPIC. i posted that thread to allow you to vent about me AWAY from this one. DO NOT continue to post about me here. it is inappropriate to the intent of this thread.