Why did she say she was "too busy"?

(These events happened last January)

I sometimes go down to a Barnes and Noble about twenty or so minutes from where I live. Near the beginning of this year, I was buying some manga and the cashier, a good looking glasses wearing girl, asked me about the series (Fairy Tail and Soul Eater) I was buying. We had some small talk about manga before I left and even said it was nice to meet each other. But on the way out, I started kicking myself because I wondered if I missed a friendship or even a dating oppurtunity.

About a week or so later, I went back to the same Barnes and Noble and saw her again. Around this time I had gotten a donated copy of the Soul Eater anime and was going to buy the first volume of Soul Eater's mangaka's new manga called Fire Force so I had a feeling telling her would increase my chances of getting her as a friend or more. After ringing up my purchases, I asked her if she wanted to get some coffee. She asked why and I told her I was curious. She said she didn't like coffee and I told her it didn't have to necessarily be coffee but then she said "I am just too busy these days." I told her maybe when she's not so busy we could still meet up and made my leave.

It looked like we had something in common but why would she say she was "too busy"? I thought someone like her would be looking for new friends or even a dating partner since geeks and nerds are in the minority in the Bible Belt. Was she truly busy or did she not like me?

Markness wrote:It looked like we had something in common but why would she say she was "too busy"?

She doesn't want to go out with you. Not enough in common. At least not so far.

When she said she didn't like coffee, she was politely saying she wasn't interested.
Because you missed her first hint, she gave you a second.

It's a little presumptuous, assuming that because she was alternative that she would be friendless or needy. She may already have a bf /gf. She may also have a healthy social life.

Well done for putting yourself out there though, it isn't easy. Keep trying (not with her obviously) but getting out there and finding stuff that's more your thing.
All the best.

Nyyx wrote:When she said she didn't like coffee, she was politely saying she wasn't interested.
Because you missed her first hint, she gave you a second.

It's a little presumptuous, assuming that because she was alternative that she would be friendless or needy. She may already have a bf /gf. She may also have a healthy social life.

Well done for putting yourself out there though, it isn't easy. Keep trying (not with her obviously) but getting out there and finding stuff that's more your thing.
All the best.

Please hear me out. I have Aspergers and picking up social messages is difficult for me. This is a major reason why trying to enter the dating scene has felt like hitting my head against a wall.

I didn't necessarily imply she was friendless or needy. I just felt like someone like her would be more open to a guy like me instead of a mainstream girl.

I saw the same girl again an hour ago now. It felt awkward seeing her but I took my purchase up to where she was. She didn't say anything unless I said something nor did she bring up what happened before.

May I ask a very blunt question?

bipolar123 wrote:May I ask a very blunt question?

By all means.

Are you well groomed? Clean, nice clothes, good haircut, etc?

Are you attractive?

Because that can make a difference in how people initially perceive you. I know it is shallow. But in the case of the anime girl, maybe she wasn't physically attracted to you.

I am not saying this was the case. Sometimes we just don't click appearance-wise.

bipolar123 wrote:Are you well groomed? Clean, nice clothes, good haircut, etc?

Are you attractive?

Because that can make a difference in how people initially perceive you. I know it is shallow. But in the case of the anime girl, maybe she wasn't physically attracted to you.

I am not saying this was the case. Sometimes we just don't click appearance-wise.

I shower everyday and get my hair cut whenever it grows over my ears. As for clothing, I have my work clothes and my casual wear. I don't wear anything that has vulgar symbols or messages.

That's highly subjective, don't you think?

Hi, I think she's not that busy, she is just making excuses. But maybe you are not her priority in life.

How long she's been doing this to you?