I like him but what can I do?

Do try to get therapy, it's been a great help for me at least. I never would be in the fix I am in now if I had still been seeing my therapist. Having someone who is on the "outside" is very good when you internalize as much as we do. I'm much too close to my own problems to see them clearly. Having some one professional is great to bounce your own feelings off of, and help you understand what is going on with yourself.

I've done the "friends with benefits" thing in the past too. The problem with it for me was that I'm pretty much the faithful type and so I didn't really go looking for something better. It was comfortable for a long time and that's where your friend may be. However, his lady friend may not be willing to give up the relationship, even if he is. Mine got vey jealous, even though it was never a question of anything besides friendship between us. If your friend doesn't like conflict, he may stay in the relationship because it is easier then facing that, he must like her or he wouldn't be there at all.

why dont you get someone else to talk to him about how he feels about you and if he would ever start a relationship with you. not saying hey this chick wants to goout with you but just saying what if? then you wont feel embarressed or whatever if you had to confront him yourself

Wildflower - thanks for the input. When you put it like that it makes more sense to me. I'm pretty sure he does like her and that she likes him, but I'm also certain that he's looking for something different and will eventually end the relationship if he needs to. It's something else which makes me question whether or not to pursue this... I often try to look at it from his lady friend's point of view and I feel terrible for her.

Hm, I suspect that he's probably uncertain about me considering his response to my inquiry awhile back. As much as I really like him I don't know if it's worth pursuing someone who's reaction to me is "well, yeah.. maybe we can sometime..." Although it's been awhile since I made that inquiry and it's possible that's changed...

xioloen - that is a good idea but I don't know anyone who would do that... if I did I would do as you suggested. I think I may have to ask myself. I did it once before, I suppose I can do it again. This time I'll just have to find away to bring it up casually and not revel too much of how I feel (in case he doesn't feel the same).

Heh, I thought xioloen's suggestion was good too, but I'm so isolated it never occured to me! Which is one reason I'm here, to get other people's ideas.

It seems you have discussed his relationship with the other woman pretty freely in the past. Maybe you could bring up that someone you talked to had mentioned being in a relationship eventually got them "stuck" and does he ever wonder if he and his lady friend have gotten that way? Especially since he doesn't seem to be dating anyone else. That's assuming he ISN'T dating someone else. Although once he's out of that relationship he might want to date around, but at least you would have a chance. I'm not sure how healthy it would be for either of you for him to go from one relationship directly into another, it usually doesn't work that well.

Also, it wouldn't be you that broke up the other relationship. That matters to you and I think you would feel guilty (I would too).

Yeah, this is a tricky one

I'm pretty sure he isn't seeing someone else. As for dating around I doubt he'll end the relationship (if he can help it) before he meets someone else, just for the risk of not being alone.

I'm waiting for the right time to say something. Maybe next time we hang out I'll bring it up...

You're kidding me right? He's a guy honey, he'll bang anything that's remotely a woman. That being said you certainly don't need to worry about who he might be seeing, I mean come on what is this, 10 year old crush scenerio? If you want a guy don't make it about the relationship he has with someone you don't even know, make it about you and what your relationship with him is like. Stop being a child and be a woman! Woman will always get the men they want, but it requires you stop being so concerned over stupid silly things like who he might be seeing (he's probably not even 20 is he :-P likely 15) so relax.

I suggest you try making out with him, if you get him to bang you then your relationship will change immediately and you'll have your virginity lost, both good things. He probably is dying to mount you by now seeing as he's still around, men can't be friends-only with a woman :-Z~

Well, your experience must be different than mine. I know all sorts of men, and some of them can be friends with women, and don't

bang anything remotely a woman.

They are mature people who aren't just interested in getting a quickie and moving on. Granted, there are lots of the other kind too, I just don't like sweeping statements. In spite of my personal experiences in love, not all men are heartless swine. Not all relationships are about sex, either.

An update on the situation: I asked what he thought about the idea of us as a couple. He laughed it off saying we had already talked about it. I felt it ment a rejection and told him so awhile later. He said he thought I was joking. I replied that I was serious.

It looked as if he didn't know how to react and he asked if it wouldn't be odd since we're already friends. Then he mentioned he appreciated me letting him know and he would think about it since he was tired (we both were) after a long day.

Thinking about it on my way home I figured he wasn't interested and I wished he would've just been straight with me instead of feeding me another "maybe" response (like the last time). Afterwards I wondered if he just became too accustomed of thinking of me as just a friend.

I'm feeling dejected. He didn't say "no" but he didn't say much of anything. I don't know what to think.

Maybe I should use this energy on someone new...as much as I care for him I don't know if he feels the same.

Hi Jade,

It sounds like you've reached a point where this platonic friendship is quite painful because of your desire to take it further not being answered. If he wanted you as much as you do him then surely he would jump at the chance, and you have made it clear that you're interested. Sorry if that is painful to hear.

Perhaps it's time for you to decide whether you value him as a friend enough to try to bury your feelings and carry on as you are, or to distance yourself because it's just too frustrating. If you choose the latter course there's just a chance he'll come running after you once he starts to miss you. However you can't be sure, and even if he does, it won't necessarily mean he wants what you do. At least you'll have some indication of how he feels about you. You might just have to free yourself of him emotionally to be able to move on.

Hi Ruskin

Yeah, you could be right. I may have to free myself emotionally from him. Although for some reason I still think he is interested, as silly as that may sound! What is wrong with me...

Days later we met for coffee and the conversation turned to his leaving the city for awhile. He said if he met a girl that would want him to stay then he would. At the time I really didn't know what to say considering his reaction to my earlier suggestion of us becoming a couple. I thought he could have been making fun of me or something. But thinking back to that incident and the way he seemed to have been monitoring my reaction I'm thinking he could have been "testing" me to see how keen I was to being with him.

Anyway, I don't know what to make of his lack of enthusiasm but then he's the type of person who doesn't seemed enthused about many things. Nonetheless I want someone who wants me. I'd only want to see him if he feels something for me in return.

I wonder if I should talk to him about this again? At least if I know if his interest in me is marginal then it may not be worth pursuing.

I tried to look at it objectively and thought perhaps he if he really is conflicted it could be because he doesn't know if it's worth risking what he could loose - being our friendship or his girlfriend or both - and he's stuck on what he should do.