I like him but what can I do?

Jade,

You sound like a nice person, and I really want to be as gentle with you as possible.

You seem to spin every rejection into not being a rejection. I really think it's time to move on. The guy you are discussing seems like a nice enough guy and to me it sounds like he is so timid that he is subjecting you to death by a thousand cuts instead of just making things as quick and painless as possible.

I truly don't think he is attracted to you. In a prior post, Sderenzi wrote: "men can't be friends-only with a woman." That's not quite true. The truth is "men can't be friends-only with a woman to whom they are attracted."

I also agree with what that same poster said about this relationship. The best chance that you have is to have sex with him and make it great, great, great. That might get him to notice you.

You must understand that if you do that he will most likely have sex with you and then just move on, but there is always a chance that it could move him over into the relationship category, just don't get your hopes up. At least that way the torture would end.

I don't know how much you know about dating protocol, but in general most things are communicated in subtle messages. This guy has told you so many times that he doesn't want a relationship.

This reminds me of an old joke that I heard about 15 years ago.

When a guy says to a woman "Let's just be friends" it means that he will have sex with you, it's just that he doesn't want to be seen in public with you.

When a woman says to a man "Let's just be friends" it means that she doesn't mind being seen in public with you, but she wouldn't have sex with you even if you were the last person on earth.

Of course there are some exceptions, so no one needs to tell me how their man isn't like that, after all, I'm just talking about human nature in general.

Here is a brief excerpt from a website that sums it up fairly well

IF A MAN FINDS YOU ATTRACTIVE YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS

Many women want to argue this point and say things like " I have lots of guy friends." Maybe. There are exactly 3 cases [this website] has identified whereby a guy and a girl can be friends:
The guy is gay
The guy does not find you attractive.
The guy already has a woman much higher than you on the ladder

That can be found at editted by STR removed improper forum links.

I had another chat with him about it. We both agreed a relationship wouldn't work since we're both going through a strange changing phase in our lives right now. After thinking about it I would rather have him as a friend right now than a boyfriend. I decided it would be best to enjoy our friendship for what it is rather than risk losing it over feeling lonely. yes, I think I've mistaken my loneliness for deeper feelings for him as much as I do care.

He also said he never said "no" or turned me down, it's just that he felt the timing was wrong but he's open to having a relationship in the future. For the present it's probably for the best that nothing more happened between us.

I appreciate the responses as it did help me to consider a few things. sderenzi was apparently a troll that was eventually banned so I don't know what to make of his/her comment, but for the record we're not children nor interested in a one-night stand sort of thing with eachother.

Jade_ wrote:I had another chat with him about it. We both agreed a relationship wouldn't work since we're both going through a strange changing phase in our lives right now. After thinking about it I would rather have him as a friend right now than a boyfriend. I decided it would be best to enjoy our friendship for what it is rather than risk losing it over feeling lonely. yes, I think I've mistaken my loneliness for deeper feelings for him as much as I do care.

He also said he never said "no" or turned me down, it's just that he felt the timing was wrong but he's open to having a relationship in the future. For the present it's probably for the best that nothing more happened between us.

I appreciate the responses as it did help me to consider a few things. sderenzi was apparently a troll that was eventually banned so I don't know what to make of his/her comment, but for the record we're not children nor interested in a one-night stand sort of thing with eachother.

Jade,
Of course, your not!! I am glad you are working everything out as rational adults. That is what healthy adults do. Some people go through life with no best friend or mate. You have been blessed with a good friend. I hope all works out for you just the way it should.

peace.
red