One sided romances and the problems that followed

http://www.psychforums.com/relationship/topic127745.html#p1301274
This an inspiring post for me, its the proper way to deal with relationships.

I'm 24yo male

A few years ago I was into a one sided romance so to speak. I'm not sure after all why didn't that person(female) actually confronted me right away on this issue. Of course I got friend zoned. Eventually it got out of hand and I cut absolutely all contact.

That was 2 or three years ago(don't really want to remember because it makes me feel awfully foolish). I managed not to think about this failed social "approach" and forgot about the issue. But apparently somehow I didn't really forget anything and it still haunts me in my dreams. So I still have bad dreams with that person. Its nothing explicit but it disturbs me a lot. Probably back then I got in love with a mental construction that didn't really have anything to do with the actual person.
I think that's the story.

Depending on where one has grown up, some of this may be cultural too. In the culture I live in the volume of fiction (movies, books, and songs) that encourages 1-sided romances is extreme. Endless stories of pursing the X, Y, Z, lover of one's dreams.

We can even end up thinking there is something wrong with us if we don't idealize emotionally someone first, then actually get to know the other person second. Idealization can be based on very little too, appearance, lust, a few public meetings, an internet chat, etc.

On the flip side, few of us would disagree with the idea that love is about loving others for who they are, really are, not an idealized version of them. Likewise most of us want to be loved for who we really are, though that leads into ...

delta107 wrote:...I'm not sure after all why didn't that person(female) actually confronted me right away on this issue....

It can be a very big ego stroke for us to be idealized by others. It is not a big surprise perhaps that someone might even encourage others to idealize them romantically even if they have no romantic interest. Still really loving someone takes time to really get to know them and none of us can live up to an idealization.