radguy wrote:I also found a website that lists possible criteria, I would say nearly all of these apply to me, with the exception that I don't experience much depression or suicidal thoughts.
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AVOIDANT
Intense anger and loss
Hostile
Critical of others
Sensitive to blame
Lack of empathy
Views others as untrustworthy
Views others as undependable
Views self as unlovable or "too good" for others
Relationships feel either threatening to one's sense of control, not worth the effort, or both
Compulsive self-reliance
Passive withdrawal
Low levels of perceived support
Difficulty getting along with co-workers, often preferring to work alone
Work may provide a good excuse to avoid personal relations
Fear of closeness in relationships
Avoidance of intimacy
Unlikely to idealize the love relationship
Tendency toward Introjective depression (self critical)
ANXIOUS/AMBIVALENT
Compulsive Caregiving
Feel overinvolved and underappreciated
Rapid relationship breakups
Idealizing of others
Strong desire for partner to reciprocate in relationship
Desire for extensive contact and declarations of affections
Overinvests his/her emotions in a relationship
Perceives relationships as imbalanced
Relationship is idealized
Preoccupation with relationship
Dependence on relationship
Heavy reliance on partner
Views partner as desirable but unpredictable (sometimes available, sometimes not)
Perceives others as difficult to understand
Relationship is primary method by which one can experience a sense of security
Unlikely to view others as altruistic
Sensitive to rejection
Discomfort with anger
Extreme emotions
Jealous
Possessive
Views self as unlovable
Suicide attempts
Mood swings
Tendency toward anaclitic depression (dependent depression)
GOALS OF THERAPY
Identify early losses
Mourn the loss of that which never was but yearned for deeply
Provide closure to the unresolved relationship longings with parental attachment figures
Reorganize belief system and physiological reaction to attachment relationships
I've heard of "hold therapy" as a form of attachment therapy. There's nothing more sickening to me than the idea of that.
When it comes to attachment styles researchers other than Ainsworth examined some of Bowlby's unpublished works and added "disorganized/disoriented" as another insecure attachment style.
I think a certain amount of being failed or maltreated in your early years leads to ambivalent; add more consistent maltreatement and failure and you'll get avoidant; and then add severe neglect and/or trauma and you get disorganized.
I think that can be a gateway to RAD, CD, ASPD (and other PDs), c-PTSD, BPD, DID and the like.
Disorganized style individuals tend have bizarre or conflicting reactions to situations, they may also dissociate and alternate between secure style, insecure ambivalent and insecure avoidant styles.
My mother is NPD with BPD traits + unrelentingly sadistic when her ego feels slighted or she doesn't get her way.
If disorganized attachment style actually existed as a disorder, I'd qualify.
- I become confused and even alarmed if people try to comfort me.
- Comforting or affectionate touch outside of a romantic relationship is even more deeply confusing for me; I'll stop breathing because I have no idea how I'm supposed to react.
- I don't trust people and I never believe people love me.
- I don't experience catharsis or get anything out of talking about trauma or things that hurt/upset me or my fears, etc.
Nor do I get any type of cathartic payoff from crying.
- I'll get triggered by the silliest stuff and most harmless people and then dissociate - and then on top of it, I'll automatically behave completely opposite of how a normal person should react to this and then not realize until later when I'm questioning how I got myself into some weird situation.
- When people leave me, I usually push them further and never forgive them; they become dead to me.
Or I act like everything is ok if I'm stuck in a situation where I'll have to continue interacting with them or need them, but feel literally nothing for them regarding attachment or care
- I see interactions as a trade off, and if I don't receive something I find valuable in a person, I become convinced they're using me and leave.
- The more socially acceptable people seem, the more distrustful and afraid of them I am.
- Non-abusive people with CU traits/heavy energy feel good; warm fuzzy people feel bad.
- I view the world as an unsafe place where my needs will not get met, so I form a covert attachment or two where people will unknowingly act as my base of security by doing things they always do.
* There have been very rare exceptions to these things in the past, and don't want to prove myself a hypocrite by saying exceptions will never happen again.