RAD in adults?

Makes sense nambo. I was looking forward to dating someone recently but it fell through because I misread them/or maybe some other mechanism. But I was feeling awfully normal during that time, and got pretty resentful afterward--i guess it was a good illustration of the flexibility of the mind. Probably also reflects the importance of a healthy social life and how that builds strength and resilience in other areas.

I've been exercising, eating well and sober the last two weeks. I have an appointment with a therapist on Friday that I've been waiting on. It's through the school I'm currently attending. I doubt they can help me thoroughly but I suspect they can put me in touch with someone who can.

Dating is still hard for me because of anxiety/insecurity/unhealthy interpersonal relations but I think it will be crucial to my improvement. One of my bigger challenges because surrendering to someone else's needs is well outside of my comfort zone and that coupled with the requirement of my vulnerability terrifies me.

I think RAD is way more treatable than NPD, which is generally regarded as incurable. When we were discussing RAD I started doing some research, though, and discovered "attachment therapy". Apparently it works for some people, but it sounded utterly revolting to me. A bunch of hugs, rainbows, kisses, and love crammed down your throat. I'll pass lol. It sounds like something that would do far more harm than good in an uncooperative client. NPD shares similar aversions to intimacy with RAD and attachment therapy sounds repulsive and offensive. We discussed it briefly in therapy and I put the idea down pretty swiftly, like, it won't happen, period.

I went back into therapy because I'm just not coping well anymore. Every day is "I literally can't." Like, this is me for the past several months.



Over the past few months I didn't think I was making much progress and almost stopped going a few times. Apparently my therapist has been noticing progress, though, and I've achieved some of my short-term goals. I might be expecting more out of therapy than is realistic, or expecting too much to happen too fast.[/quote]

Hi just wondering if the hugging and stuff makes things worse for us? I still have to live with my parents and my mom gets touchy-feely sometimes, my dad occasionally, but I think it's bad for us honestly because I feel so much tension with them all the time. I'm not sure I have RAD, but definitely some attachment problems.

Basically I was just wondering about my thought that it's not good to be touchy-feely with someone when there's tension between them.

Might not be productive, no, but I'm speculating and I haven't seen professional help on this so YMMV. I think--for me anyway--it will be critical to form a healthy intimate relationship with someone, so that you can build an innate trust. I think there are many outside causes that make these relationships more rare in a modern society but that's probably in part confirmation bias and my own problems.s projecting somewhat. Financial challenges cause people to behave selfishly, for instance. Not to say I'm giving up though.

As an update for myself--i didn't see a therapist as I'm leaving town soon and still in a transitory state. I should be in a better place in a few weeks where I can. Make progress on this.

Btw I have subscribed to this thread so I get an email when. Someone posts. I would encourage you others too as well since this board is snail slow

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Are RAD and disorganized attachment the same?

And do you think it would matter whether the intimate relationship was just a friendship versus a full relationship? As a woman who's had a lot of social issues over the years, a sexual relationship is a bit daunting to me.

Tabitha wrote:I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Are RAD and disorganized attachment the same?

And do you think it would matter whether the intimate relationship was just a friendship versus a full relationship? As a woman who's had a lot of social issues over the years, a sexual relationship is a bit daunting to me.

I can't speak to other illnesses, I'm a long way from an expert. I feel similarly about close relationships but casual sex is fine with me, it's more of a trust/vulnerability/submission issue(respecting others needs).

If you're anything like me you've got this wound that hurts bad to even get near. So any time I think about forming a relationship I ruminate and get anxious. To me that means I should work on that, not avoid it. My point is you need to figure out why sex is a problem for you and figure out if it's justified or dysfunctional.

But more importantly you should slowly push your boundaries, whatever those are, and make progress that way. My opinion, as always.

I know this is an old thread, but here's what I'd found on the subject. Personally, I fit every single one of those. As an adult, I am considered PD-NOS. I tend to think of myself as a paranoid schizoid with ASPD & BPD traits.

Symptoms of adult attachment problems:

Difficulty handling conflict with other adults
Denies responsibility for wrong-doing
Controls others through manipulative or overtly hostile ways
Trouble showing empathy, remorse, trust or compassion with others
Lack of the ability to give or receive genuine affection or love. Relates sexual behavior to feelings of acceptance or closeness
Resistant to efforts on behalf of others to nurture or guide them
Lacks cause and effect thinking, especially when around normal thinking
Acts out negatively and provokes anger in others
Lies, steals, cheats and/or manipulates
Destructive, cruel, argumentative and/or hostile
Lacks self-control. Impulsive.
Superficially charming and engaging
Behaves in anger to protect feelings of sadness or fear
Feels isolated and depressed
Feels frustrated and stressed
Addictive behavior i.e. substance abuse, sex addiction, work addiction, gambling addiction, etc.
Behaves hyper-vigilantly and agitated and has trouble concentrating
Confused, puzzled and obsessed with finding answers
Feels blamed by family, friends, and professionals
Feels helpless, hopeless, and angry
Feels that helping professionals minimize his or her family problems


http://instituteforattachment.ong/learn ... questions/

I was adopted. Children's Home Society had a policy then to hold the infant for 3 months in foster care in case the birth mother regretted her decision and came back for the child. I figure that was a big mistake because I judge a high number of adoptees from there have RAD.

Worse, my adopted mother had borderline personality disorder (which, by the way, wasn't a known thing in those days). So, she was pathological, and at the very least engaged in aggressive tickling, and at most flew into a rage when I cried or had normal infant demands.

BPD mothers split, meaning things are either all good or all bad, so typically label a difficult baby "bad." Luckily, I have a genetic tendency toward Schizoidism, so progressed along the avoidant scale to SPD (schizoid personality disorder).

I spent 30 years as a heavy pot smoker, but when I quit occasionally I was plagued by generalized homicidal ideation. After both my adopted parents died I spent almost a decade ruminating on my childhood. I went from normal weight to obese.

Recently, I have begun to get healthy, and tried dozens of strategies to rid myself of the terribly strong passion of anger. I don't bore you with my failures, but have found the silver bullet: adopting the philosophy of Stoicism. This requires a lot of neural plasticity, but the results have been amazing.

Because what I am writing here is unintuitive and obscure (i.e. you won't likely understand or be able to implement it without more information), I will leave my email address: ***mod edit***. (Use PM to start a conversation).

I am a Schizoid, so I really don't crave interaction, but as a Stoic I have a generalized love of mankind, so offer my altruistic minimal service. Just so you know, in about 30 years there will be medical treatments available to halt aging, so fixing yourself is of paramount importance (whereas before people with such baggage just died, making living with the mental illness the top priority).

In other words, you aren't going through the trouble of getting better just so you can enjoy serenity for a couple of decades.

radguy wrote:I also found a website that lists possible criteria, I would say nearly all of these apply to me, with the exception that I don't experience much depression or suicidal thoughts.
...

AVOIDANT

Intense anger and loss
Hostile
Critical of others
Sensitive to blame
Lack of empathy
Views others as untrustworthy
Views others as undependable
Views self as unlovable or "too good" for others
Relationships feel either threatening to one's sense of control, not worth the effort, or both
Compulsive self-reliance
Passive withdrawal
Low levels of perceived support
Difficulty getting along with co-workers, often preferring to work alone
Work may provide a good excuse to avoid personal relations
Fear of closeness in relationships
Avoidance of intimacy
Unlikely to idealize the love relationship
Tendency toward Introjective depression (self critical)

ANXIOUS/AMBIVALENT

Compulsive Caregiving
Feel overinvolved and underappreciated
Rapid relationship breakups
Idealizing of others
Strong desire for partner to reciprocate in relationship
Desire for extensive contact and declarations of affections
Overinvests his/her emotions in a relationship
Perceives relationships as imbalanced
Relationship is idealized
Preoccupation with relationship
Dependence on relationship
Heavy reliance on partner
Views partner as desirable but unpredictable (sometimes available, sometimes not)
Perceives others as difficult to understand
Relationship is primary method by which one can experience a sense of security
Unlikely to view others as altruistic
Sensitive to rejection
Discomfort with anger
Extreme emotions
Jealous
Possessive
Views self as unlovable
Suicide attempts
Mood swings
Tendency toward anaclitic depression (dependent depression)
GOALS OF THERAPY
Identify early losses
Mourn the loss of that which never was but yearned for deeply
Provide closure to the unresolved relationship longings with parental attachment figures
Reorganize belief system and physiological reaction to attachment relationships

I've heard of "hold therapy" as a form of attachment therapy. There's nothing more sickening to me than the idea of that.

When it comes to attachment styles researchers other than Ainsworth examined some of Bowlby's unpublished works and added "disorganized/disoriented" as another insecure attachment style.

I think a certain amount of being failed or maltreated in your early years leads to ambivalent; add more consistent maltreatement and failure and you'll get avoidant; and then add severe neglect and/or trauma and you get disorganized.

I think that can be a gateway to RAD, CD, ASPD (and other PDs), c-PTSD, BPD, DID and the like.

Disorganized style individuals tend have bizarre or conflicting reactions to situations, they may also dissociate and alternate between secure style, insecure ambivalent and insecure avoidant styles.

My mother is NPD with BPD traits + unrelentingly sadistic when her ego feels slighted or she doesn't get her way.
If disorganized attachment style actually existed as a disorder, I'd qualify.

- I become confused and even alarmed if people try to comfort me.

- Comforting or affectionate touch outside of a romantic relationship is even more deeply confusing for me; I'll stop breathing because I have no idea how I'm supposed to react.

- I don't trust people and I never believe people love me.

- I don't experience catharsis or get anything out of talking about trauma or things that hurt/upset me or my fears, etc.
Nor do I get any type of cathartic payoff from crying.

- I'll get triggered by the silliest stuff and most harmless people and then dissociate - and then on top of it, I'll automatically behave completely opposite of how a normal person should react to this and then not realize until later when I'm questioning how I got myself into some weird situation.

- When people leave me, I usually push them further and never forgive them; they become dead to me.

Or I act like everything is ok if I'm stuck in a situation where I'll have to continue interacting with them or need them, but feel literally nothing for them regarding attachment or care

- I see interactions as a trade off, and if I don't receive something I find valuable in a person, I become convinced they're using me and leave.

- The more socially acceptable people seem, the more distrustful and afraid of them I am.

- Non-abusive people with CU traits/heavy energy feel good; warm fuzzy people feel bad.

- I view the world as an unsafe place where my needs will not get met, so I form a covert attachment or two where people will unknowingly act as my base of security by doing things they always do.

* There have been very rare exceptions to these things in the past, and don't want to prove myself a hypocrite by saying exceptions will never happen again.