Been Here Before - Update to my story

Could not find the thread I originally created and it was a few years ago so I could not remember my name then.

Brief recap

Living in the UK and attracted to preteen girls since I was a preteen myself and never grew out of it.

Read constantly on the subject and knew enough to not want to act on it and ruin somebody elses life.

Then when I was 35 I got badly injured at work and had a lot of time stuck in my room with just a TV and pc for company, over the course of many months I got very bored and started lookin for people like myself and this led me to forums that discussed child attraction and child modelling (Which was totally new to me and blew my mind) I was eventually stupid enough to d/l over 1000 pictures all of the lowest level, My moral code as damaged as it was would still not allow me to consider anything that seemed abusive.

Anyway I got caught and was given a fine and a three year supervision order and put on the register for five years, I was spared imprisonment as during the time I was arrested to the time of sentencing my mum who was already disabled became a lot worse and I became her secondary carer.

I lost my job and al lof my friends abandoned me instantly so I became a full time carer.

Update on myself will follow in the next post on this thread.

I concluded my sex offenders course to the satisfaction of the groupworkers, But not myself.

In the last eighteen months I've lost three of the most important influences in my life, My mum passed away last year and both my dogs who loved me unconditionally without judgement also passed away.

I enrolled with the support group Circles and was given a mentor and my year with her is almost up.

I'm now approaching the end of my three year supervision and wonder what to do now.

Whereas most people probably view losing their probation worker as a good thing, I'm viewing it as the last of my social network leaving me, and I will once again be alone, but the difference this time is that I've also lost the support of my little doggies (Never underestimate how important pets are) and I'm starting to get a little depressed again, whilst it may not have seemed ideal to most people, having somebody from circles to talk to about my attraction to little girls was a release of a kind and now even that is going to stop.

I envy people who can talk to psycotherapists or psychiatrists, but both are denied to me and I am seriously worried about who the hell I can talk to in the uk?

So after almost three years, I'm now worse off than I was before and no light ahead of me in this tunnel.

What you need most is probably good old social contact. That's your complaint, no?

Go out to places and find people who have some similar interests to you. Of course, surely you like music, video games, movies, books? Find things related to your interests that are both healthy to you and safe. Doing that should let you find people, then you can get your social life back.

Your mind can change, you have to work for it though to relearn and reboot. It's learned that it's a bad brain, that it's wrong, stupid, etc. Love yourself, teach yourself to embrace healthy and positive aspects in life. Over time your outlook can change.

This coming from a former narcissist, you can see, it works.

Theory wrote:What you need most is probably good old social contact. That's your complaint, no?

Go out to places and find people who have some similar interests to you. Of course, surely you like music, video games, movies, books? Find things related to your interests that are both healthy to you and safe. Doing that should let you find people, then you can get your social life back.

Your mind can change, you have to work for it though to relearn and reboot. It's learned that it's a bad brain, that it's wrong, stupid, etc. Love yourself, teach yourself to embrace healthy and positive aspects in life. Over time your outlook can change.

This coming from a former narcissist, you can see, it works.

Yes I do love both reading and dvd/tv/film, So I get what you are saying but sadly I live in a remote area now and just getting into town costs £5 which is 10% of my income weekly, plus the area I could go to does not really have all that much in the way of entertainment and of course it is the area I used to live and am known to be a pedo


Sorry, how rude of me, thank you very much for replying.

Pedosneedlovetoo wrote:

Theory wrote:What you need most is probably good old social contact. That's your complaint, no?

Go out to places and find people who have some similar interests to you. Of course, surely you like music, video games, movies, books? Find things related to your interests that are both healthy to you and safe. Doing that should let you find people, then you can get your social life back.

Your mind can change, you have to work for it though to relearn and reboot. It's learned that it's a bad brain, that it's wrong, stupid, etc. Love yourself, teach yourself to embrace healthy and positive aspects in life. Over time your outlook can change.

This coming from a former narcissist, you can see, it works.

Yes I do love both reading and dvd/tv/film, So I get what you are saying but sadly I live in a remote area now and just getting into town costs £5 which is 10% of my income weekly, plus the area I could go to does not really have all that much in the way of entertainment and of course it is the area I used to live and am known to be a pedo


Sorry, how rude of me, thank you very much for replying.

Well if you have a job there's people there to meet, try them if possible.

Perhaps pick up a new hobby then. Listen to new genres of music, try dance (try schools for dance if you'd like), writing, play video games, or draw. I also recommend a good bit of exercising now and again as this releases endorphins (a feel good hormone); Smiling also releases endorphins. Maybe pick up a gym membership, there's bound to be people there.

And don't mention it, I'm just a fellow human being trying to help my fellow human beings.

Thank you anyway, as a human being we should all exhibit basic manners too

My job was lost because of the sensational manner of the reporting.....also because I gave them something to report I guess, And nobody at the moment will even give me the first rung of the ladder....an interview, The whole disclosure of criminal offences on application forms means I get weeded out pretty quickly.

I'm doing the whole exercising thing to try and shift the extra weight I put on in three years of being pretty much housebound, and yes indeed it makes me feel good, good and knackered

And I did appraoch the gym......ironically located in the school, but at £30 a month it is way beyond my financial means, I'm struggling to survive on what they give me at the moment if I'm honest.

The upside of being me is that I can adore little girls and get pleasure from just seeing them and knowing how wonderful and pretty they are and how I would do anything to protect them.

The downside is that everybody thinks I'm the one they need protection from

I just need somebody I can talk to honestly and unload myself on and these places are great and I appreciate them, but its not the same as having physical contact with somebody who will look you in the eye and hold your hand and not judge you, I'm doing my damnedest to lead an honest life and if somebody were to ask me a question as my circle does then I answer honestly, but as of February and March both my probation worker and circle mentor will have to stop seeing me, I need somebody and just don't see how I can get to anybody.

Nobody where I live now knows anything about my past ad I want it to stay that way as the hysteria I experienced once would be a very unpleasant thing to go through again, and this time I could not move even if I wanted too.

Thanks for letting me vent a little.

Theory wrote:Well if you have a job there's people there to meet, try them if possible.

Perhaps pick up a new hobby then. Listen to new genres of music, try dance (try schools for dance if you'd like), writing, play video games, or draw. I also recommend a good bit of exercising now and again as this releases endorphins (a feel good hormone); Smiling also releases endorphins. Maybe pick up a gym membership, there's bound to be people there.

And don't mention it, I'm just a fellow human being trying to help my fellow human beings.

Well I'm throwing myself into this place, but admit to a little disappointment at how little activity there is here.

Feeling a bit low at the moment, I had to report one member for trying to contact me through PM's and now another member has been removed (Correctly imo) for less than helpful advice and still this place seems so slow and lethargic to me.

I had an interview at the jobcentre the other day where I was told I was going on a course to help me find work, wow I thought...at last some help.....and I was put on the phone by the advisor and the appointment was made for the course, within not even 30 seconds of the phone being handed back, she pointed out I was a sex offender and they cancelled my appointment

Revisit your life, get on with your life, be fruitful and do not dwell on the past, well give us a bloody chance to do so then

I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah, when you've "paid your debt to society" you should have an opportunity at a fresh start. I can see why an agency might direct you away from training from certain type of jobs, but common sense would say that it's better for society if you're gainfully employed.

That must really suck. And you have to endure this status of being a public pariah for just having some modeling pictures on your computer once? That doesn't sound fair at all. Fine would suffice as a punishment given the severity of your crime. I really can't see what society benefits from trying to destroy a man's life as denying you the possibility to work isn't in any way related to protecting children.

Anyway I'm sure you can get through your plight and eventually find work and a fresh start!