From paedophile to a future

Im from the UK. I "can" label myself a paedophile as i am sexually attracted to very young girls. This attraction is unchosen and not exclusive to children as i am also sexually attracted to some adults.

Hi,

My first ever post on this forum despite noticing it years ago. There were so many sections where i could have put this. This seems to be the forum for paedophile topics, so im here.
I know that we are tolerated, atleast, and hope that many do get the support they come here for. I commend the site for opening the doors to us. Other sites tend to eventually ban such people.
For those of you that have had lengthy discussions about it and feel they have a better understanding, will know that labelling people is bad. Always will be. To call someone a paedophile to describe their mind-set, is wrong. We all share an element in common, while other elements result in conflict. Some are saying that it should be ok for adults to have sex with children, some (including myself) are saying not. My agenda is not promoting it, but to encourage people to empathise with it. I believe that can and should be done now.

When a young man, possibly as young as 18, finds himself attracted to girls younger than him, he wont be thinking that "looking" at pictures of them is doing them harm. Why would he think that within a logical view-point? Its natural for us to feed off emotions and expressions from others in order to understand the damage of our actions towards them. It is human instinct to learn that you are hurting someone when that person reacts with negativity in response to your action. This 18 year old man sees pictures of kids being kids, playing around, laughing and smiling. They will probably be wearing a bikini or some other summer/revealing clothing. However, those pictures he looked at will quite probably be considered as childporn for the simple fact that he had experienced sexual pleasure from them. From that day on he is transformed into a "sex-offender" fearing that his life at any moment could be destroyed. That fear is now a part of his life and will stay with him for ever. He is confused about the attraction he has, yet he cant explore it, learn about it, or talk about it without added fear of his life being turned upside-down. He might in panic, try and find out what is legal and what is not. He will inevitably find very grey definitions on what is "child porn", and will have no way of safe-guarding himself and staying within the law without refusing to look at any photo of any child on the internet ever again. This man might not have been a paedophile, but in the present climate we see today, he's likely to be drawn completely into it. This is where the hysteria is noticable. Its in these ridiculous laws that have a blanket ban on anyone getting sexual pleasure through an image of a child. The law is requiring that these people possess super-human qualities as soon as they hit 18. Where was the protection for that young man who barely turns 18 and becomes a sex-offender and social outcast in one moment of surfing the internet? He's then associate with those who rape and kill children. How could that be good for any individual?

There is no help for someone saying, "Im a paedophile and my life is black". Sure, alot of those in mental health care will search around for some help and usually come up with "Stopitnow!". So, for any therapist who wants to pass the buck, can give this number out as if it was a form of help. Why should a Child Protection Agency be the "only" help offered to adults who suffer with this? Its madness. All people that cant deny an attraction to children, also cant deny they're paedophiles. The system needs to start helping and stop hunting, Viewing Childporn of any description should not result in naming and shaming followed by a prison sentence and being a registered as a sex-offender. With these kinds of laws, all kinds of damage will be done, and it wont be the ones that are really guilty of abuse that are caught. By allowing people to come forward about their attraction (that has inevitably resulted in picture looking), has to be better than what is going on right now. We should have started as we meant to go on, Do we really want to continue in this treatment for this minority who arent, by definition, bad people? If the worst a man does is look at some picutures, then i dont think his life should be wrecked because of it.

Despite the last year being very rocky for me, involving many break-downs and visits to the samaritans, i have lately resumed a little calm in my mind. I have seen without any doubt, that society just isnt getting this right. As someone who can label themself "a paedophile", i have spent everyday over the past 8 or so years with this subject in mind. Its quite a ride being an invisible victim. Ive had "Stopitnow!" telling me that a paedophile is someone that has sex with children, and those that dont have sex, but are attracted, simply have "paedophilic tendancies". Im not sure what authority they had to go changing the meaning of the word, so i will not be taking their version, but the version that has been used for many years, that includes the sole attraction without the action. Im seen as a potential risk, yet i know im much better for society than many of the rat-bags i see out there today. All in all, i know that im suffering a social injustice, and therefore have no reason to be ashamed or feel guilt for who i am anymore. How can i have respect for the campaigns by so-called "Child Protection Agencies" (who are making the rules up as they go along, engraving into stone exactly what child abuse is) let alone anti-paedo groups such as "absolute zero", when there are so many lies being told?

Something that also brought some much needed calm into my mind, was watching amazing documetaries about the universe and the solar system. There are more stars out in space, than there are grains of sand in the world. To be able to look at earth in a row of other planets all circulating the sun, is like having an out-of-body experience. We could all be hit by a comet next year, but we decide to use our time wisely by condemning, attacking, discriminating, when really what are we all? We are together on this planet through no choice of our own, and we are individuals through no choice of our own. For goodness sakes, can we not live and let live? Have we forgotten how damn incredible it is that we are all here, in this incredible world and universe of mysteries? We (society) have forgotten, and we have become tired of each-other, that all we want to do now is get a little control over someone else in our forever increasingly repressed lives. Im not going to keep feeling bad over this, im part of the same star that you're from, so you have responsibility to learn about me, and not simply loath me.

Im hoping this new frame-of-mind will stay for a while, as its the first time in 2 or 3 years where i can say: "I dont need to keep punishing myself over this". Thats good for me, but what about the others? What about that 18 year old man i spoke of? What about all the thousands of men (from the same star as you) that enter this world only to find themselves in this hellish situation?

So, here is my dilema: I cant get on with my life, because i now have a duty to speak up against the injustices towards the minority i am part of. I have no other life i can seek because it seems im given a real purpose. It is a shame that i cant spend my free time on a hobby or social life, but have to spend it on revealing the dark side to the paedo-hysteria to the people that cant see it. Its waste of life, i know, but what else can i do? Its not something i can give up, but only live with and i will always feel responsible for those that are suffering in the way i have in the past.

Do i resume my life now that i dont feel ashamed, or do i instead; campaign solidly for justice for a minority that are discriminated against in the worst possible way?

What would you do?

Thanks for reading

Good post. I don't know what to do... I feel like I'm stuck in the worst kind of nightmare. For me, going to sleep is like waking from the nightmare, for a short while. I was brave/stupid enough to come forward for help, but now I feel like I'm permanently marked, even though I've never done anything to a child and never would. So I'm unlucky enough to be attracted to children. Does that make me any more a potential sexual predator than a man attracted to adult women? In many people's eyes, it does. I have no idea how to get out of this nightmare.

onlysleep wrote:For me, going to sleep is like waking from the nightmare, for a short while. I was brave/stupid enough to come forward for help, but now I feel like I'm permanently marked, even though I've never done anything to a child and never would.

I quoted that because its so true. Going to bed is unpleasant for me as i will usually start dwelling on it for some time. Waking up is also unpleasant, as i am back to the reality of the horrible life i have. I can dream about the way i used to be and it doesnt matter how nice or nasty the dream is, its a break from the present nightmare. Infact, i had a dream a few nights ago where i was playing around with my fictional girlfriend (not child btw), and i was really happy because it was a life that didnt punish me in the way this one does. Its how i should be today, not struggling to get out of bed everyday, looking forward to absolutely nothing, except for more emotional torture. I despise those in government for making our lives like this. Its another form of human cruelty.

I also told a few people that i tried to get close to, but it back-fired on me several times. I am trying to find therapy for it and its mind-boggling how i havent been able to find it in years. So, in the long run, for someone like me coming forward; (ie telling my doctor) would only have a negative affect on my life, so therefore have to keep burying or keep looking for help outside the "health system". Shouldnt fuking have to do that!. (excuse me)

This way of thinking is not good, so i will try to stick with my original plan of rising above it, and actually concluding that: Yes, society on the whole, ARE getting it wrong. It happened in the 1860's with gays, where "society" WERE getting it wrong. Why is this so different? Its not really. The same set of principles should apply, but with governents only interested in themselves, we hace a tough battle. Hang in there guys, youre not on your own, and we all share the same crap.

Keep adding your views to the internet as much as you can. The more truth out there thats visible, the better in the long run for us.

Im a little disappointed there werent more replies on here, but i guess, as in life, we are ignored by most.

Mark73 wrote:

This way of thinking is not good, so i will try to stick with my original plan of rising above it, and actually concluding that: Yes, society on the whole, ARE getting it wrong. It happened in the 1860's with gays, where "society" WERE getting it wrong. Why is this so different? Its not really. The same set of principles should apply, but with governents only interested in themselves, we hace a tough battle. Hang in there guys, youre not on your own, and we all share the same crap.

I'm not sure you can compare gays to paedophiles. Having gay sex is legal in most countries and as long as it's between two consenting adults isn't going to affect anybody. Paedophilia is different, a child cannot consent to sex and the body of a young child can be seriously damaged from sexual acts.

I think I understand what you're getting at, that gays like paedophiles used to be classed as mentally ill, when really with both it's their sexuality.

morning star wrote:

Mark73 wrote:

This way of thinking is not good, so i will try to stick with my original plan of rising above it, and actually concluding that: Yes, society on the whole, ARE getting it wrong. It happened in the 1860's with gays, where "society" WERE getting it wrong. Why is this so different? Its not really. The same set of principles should apply, but with governents only interested in themselves, we hace a tough battle. Hang in there guys, youre not on your own, and we all share the same crap.

I'm not sure you can compare gays to paedophiles. Having gay sex is legal in most countries and as long as it's between two consenting adults isn't going to affect anybody. Paedophilia is different, a child cannot consent to sex and the body of a young child can be seriously damaged from sexual acts.

I think I understand what you're getting at, that gays like paedophiles used to be classed as mentally ill, when really with both it's their sexuality.

Like I said in my post on the subject, the thing society seems to grasp at is a focus on actions, for that is how you are known. So sexual tendencies, though they might not have any action, still label you (according to society) by the action. You can be gay and not ever have sex or view porn of any kind your whole life. The same holds true for pedophilia.


Here's my topic: paraphilias/topic47793.html
We share a lot of the same views, and I'm glad I'm not the only one in this crusade!

I notice a lot point out the "this is exclusive" or "this is non-exclusive" thing, I wonder if this idea started because of the distinction in the criteria and classification in the DSM.

I find the idea of exclusivity to be confusing, like the idea where you can be attracted to something specific and then all of a sudden in turns off, it makes sexual attraction out to be overly simplific. Especially in regards to something less discrete like age or the process of puberty (as opposed to somewhat more discrete issues which can be more dichotomous in nature like male/female sex though even intersexed and transgender and so forth even make that less clear).

I imagine that everyone is 'non-exclusive' in regards to whatever preferences they may have (or have identified) and that those who identify as exclusive are probably expressing a much more predominant preference to the point where any response to other things is negligible enough that it is not even conscious or acknowledged (subconscious).

tyciol wrote:I notice a lot point out the "this is exclusive" or "this is non-exclusive" thing, I wonder if this idea started because of the distinction in the criteria and classification in the DSM.

I find the idea of exclusivity to be confusing, like the idea where you can be attracted to something specific and then all of a sudden in turns off, it makes sexual attraction out to be overly simplific. Especially in regards to something less discrete like age or the process of puberty (as opposed to somewhat more discrete issues which can be more dichotomous in nature like male/female sex though even intersexed and transgender and so forth even make that less clear).

I imagine that everyone is 'non-exclusive' in regards to whatever preferences they may have (or have identified) and that those who identify as exclusive are probably expressing a much more predominant preference to the point where any response to other things is negligible enough that it is not even conscious or acknowledged (subconscious).

The exclusiveness concerns sexual attraction to adults. So a non-exclusive pedophile is attracted to children AND is also attracted to adults. An exclusive pedophile simply has no sexual attraction to adults. A pedophile fits into one of those two sub-categories because s/he is either attracted to adults, or not. That's all that means. So you could be an exclusive pedophile and also be involved in bestiality. You could also be a non-exclusive pedophile who's interested in bestiality, the difference is that one is not attracted to adults, the other is also attracted to adults.

For example, I am an exclusive pedophile, what I think is a very rare breed. However, I've take it to the next level, I have a phobia for naked women; I find the sight rather distasteful and disgusting. It doesn't turn me on, it turns me away. I don't find men attractive, and I don't find boys attractive, so I'm not homosexual. I am generally not attracted to toddlers or girls younger than 4/5, and I'm generally not attracted to girls older than 12/13.

I want you guys to know that I don't think you are evil, and I'm not here to judge you. I want to offer help, and want help to understand.

I just want to share a part of my personal story with you.

When I was only 3 years old... I experienced the dealings of a pedophile. At the time that I had this happen to me, the young man was a teenager, close to the age of 18. It shattered my whole world... the beautiful world I thought I once knew.
I lived so ashamed for so long for I thought that something was terribly wrong with me for someone to want to do anything like that to me. I was a very broken child. However, thankfully I have now found help, and am seeing a good therapist.

Now, I don't put you guys into the same category as I do him. He actually did something about his desires... you men haven't.

I'm not saying this to excuse the fact that society treats you guys like monsters, but part of why people react the way they do is because in their minds they know that everything starts with a thought.

I mean, all great inventions ever made first began with an idea, right? A thought that crossed someone's mind... a mental picture that appeared in their mind that led to them acting upon it. Yes, all things start in the mind.

That is part of the reason why a lot of people tend to be frightened by knowing that you guys may have had thoughts. Now, that doesn't make it right for them to treat you guys like scum bags... not at all. But as they should try and understand where you men are coming from, try and understand where they are coming from as well.

I have recently come to forgive the young man who had hurt me when I was just a wee-thing. For I've realized that I will never get on with my life, and have a joyful life, if I held a hateful-grudge against him forever and if I never let go of the pain he caused me. And I believe that for him, as well as for all humans, there is hope to change into something better. For that is what we have in life, is the chance to learn and seek to become better in all things good. Is it not?
Sure, we're all screw-ups at one time or another, and some more than others. But that doesn't mean that we can't learn from our mistakes and become better persons.

I commend you men, for not acting upon any sexual desires you have toward children. For in doing so you are looking out for the best interest of the child.

What I would like to know is; what is it about a child that is considered desirable in that way? Why would one be more attracted to them rather than mature women? What are these desires rooted in? Is it merely to experience sexual pleasure, or to actually have a relationship with or to love whatever is the object of these longings? Perhaps part of my wanting to know such things is so that I can understand why the man did what he did to me. For I still do not understand many things about it.

I'd greatly appreciate it if you men, especially you Mark73, could help clear some things up for me.

Now, as for what you said here,

i had a dream a few nights ago where i was playing around with my fictional girlfriend (not child btw), and i was really happy because it was a life that didnt punish me in the way this one does.

I just wanted to offer you some encouragement in that area, it is possible to experience that type of life ... if you feel like you'd like more encouragement you can check out my other two posts below.

post359941.html#p359941

post359658.html#p359658

Blessings.

Love is willing to suffer-long, love is kind. It doesn't get jealous easily, it doesn't brag, it is not prideful. It is not rude, it is not selfish, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of the wrongs against it. Love doesn't find pleasure in evil, but it delights in truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

People who are paedophiles should seek medical attention immediately. Acting on such desires destroys the lives of children. Viewing child pornography also causes harm to children as it creates the demand for its production. Child sex absue has terrible and disgusting effects on children icluding depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, propensity to further victimization in adulthood, and physical injury to the child, among other problems. I beg all paedophiles top please seek help immediately before someone is harmed.

You ain't a bad person period.
straight people don't rape neseserily.
or gays
. or lesbians.
I would move on to animals but then theres always that gorilla and frog thing so let's not focus on that.
But you are a good person with a reason to live , and a deserve to live , unlike the rats there are today , cheating , and fighting.
You simply have an un-acceptable sexuality. But this does not mean you are a paedophile at all
- it means you are something far better then a paedophile.
- it means you are something called a ' paedophilia sufferer. '
DON'T HARM.
I AM HAPPY TO BEFRIEND YOU , I AM A 16 YEAR OLD BOY , WHO HAS HAD AROUND 6 WEIRD FANTASYS.
DONT WANNA HAVE SEX WITH KIDS . WANT TO WITH ADULTS. AND TEENS MY AGE.
COULDNT GIVE A CRAP ABOUT KIDS KOZ THEY DON'T KNOW ANYTHING. I OBSESSIVELY TEST MYSELF AND MY LIFE IS A HELL.
I think sexual and get arousal. But i don't want to touch kids.
Maybe you do.
BUT SO WHAT? I WANT TO BE ABLE TO FLY BUT I CAN'T!
JUST TAKE IT EASY. ACCEPT YOUR SEXUALITY , BUT NEVER ACT ON IT. NEVER. ONCE YOU DO THIS , YOU ARE NO LONGER AN ANGEL. YOU ARE SOMEONE WHO DID SOMETHING QUITE BAD. AND FRIGHTENING. BUT IF YOU HAVE EVEN. IT'S A FRESH START I GUESS.
You can do this mate you really can. My heart goes out for all paedophilia sufferers... not so much for paedophiles though.
FEELING BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF NOW? REMEMBER SEXUALITY DOES NOT MEAN RAPIST. SO - KEEP ON BEING COOL.