Help wanted - zoophilia/pedaphilia

jasmin wrote:Did you talk to the therapist?

I haven't had a chance yet. I researched some and I know the practice I want to go to. Obviously they are good because they are booked up . So I'm on a waiting list. I sort of feel it's a good sign that it takes this long to see them. I'm not in any immediate danger so I feel it's worth the wait to start seeing them.

Well, you won't have to wait for ever! It's going to be ok.

Okay... so it's been a while it seems since you posted, anon33. But I thought if you're still anywhere around, then with some luck you might get this.
First off, I hope you did get some help for your struggles.
I'm not a super wise person or anything, but my desire is to offer you even a bit of help if that's possible. And I will get to this later on, but I personally know someone who struggled with some of the same stuff you did, who got through.

I'm not here to judge you or tell you that you're an evil person, please understand that... but I can say, the #1 mistake was... porn. I know that may be difficult to believe, but trust me, so many people who have gotten into the stuff you mentioned started off with just "porn."
The reason is, porn is a 'drug' for anyone who feels hungry for love/respect, angry at life or people, lonely and different, tired and depressed.
Notice that the first letters of those first words spell out h-a-l-t. I'm sure you may have fallen into at least one of these categories. Unfortunately, every human does.

When I say that porn is a drug, I'm not kidding... that's where it starts. And like all other drugs, you start off with a little, but eventually you need more. Here check these links out, they might help you understand what I'm meaning.

http://www.wired.com/science/discoverie ... 4/11/65772

http://www.netnanny.com/learn_center/article/153

http://hubpages.com/hub/Pornography-Destroy-Your-Life

http://www.youthworker.com/youth-minist ... /11610664/

http://candeocan.com/you-have-an-amazin ... addiction/

I found this article on a website: "[Porn] can render the chronic user incapable of the very sexual satisfaction that he is seeking. As one doctor specializing in neuropsychiatry related, a number of the men whom he treated in the mid-to-late 1990s had become so dependent upon pornographic images to become sexually aroused that they were no longer attracted enough to their wives to have intercourse with them."

I wonder how many people know this. Living in a fantasy world for so long that you are unable to have an actual relationship with another human being is a tragedy. Set aside all the moral and spiritual damage pornagraphy causes for a while. Think about how it damages people's sex lives, causing people to want and prefer things that are not even theirs or real, and how it renders men impotent (the dreaded *I* word) when enagaging a real woman. I think this information should be posted everywhere pornography can be accessed, kind of like how health warnings are posted on cigarettes. Impotence is a real health concern, though not life-threatening. Still, it is a health concern nonetheless and I think pornagraphy use can be discouraged strictly from a medical perspective.
It's so sad to see much of my generation's sexuality toyed with and damaged by use of pornagraphy and illicit sexual relationships. As C.S. Lewis says, "We are far too easily pleased." By:Laura


Okay, so enough about that stuff. How can you get help? Well, there are some places dedicated to people who struggle with all kinds of issues... and the information is below.

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriag ... r_sex.aspx

1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459) <call and talk to one of their professional counselors, they rock.

http://www.christiancounsel.com/

1.888.891.HOPE (4673) < Speak with Rob Jackson, trust me he's dealt with
people who've shared the same struggles

https://www.thehopeline.com/CSDefault.aspx

(btw, yes I am a Christian, but I promise I'm not here to shove religion or God down your throat. Just offering help, and these places I'm referring to are places where help is guaranteed )

Okay, so with that said, how are you doing now? You still struggling with those things? Well, if so I agree that your contact with anyone who struggles in the same ways should be cut off... *ouch* I know... that's a hard thing to do. But so worth it in the end. Remember nothing good ever comes easy.
Next, find someone who you can be accountable with. Someone who you can trust, who accepts you but who will stand firm in letting you know when you've messed up, and is wanting/willing to help you through it.
Thirdly, a therapist would be helpful, it might help you to understand why you're having feelings for these things.
Fourthly, (I know I said I wouldn't shove religion down your throat and please don't take what I'm going to say as me doing that), you already know that how you feel is unnatural, and that's because we humans weren't created to think that way... so be determined to change your way of thinking. (I know you can do it!) But also remember that no man is an island, and we all need help, so yes you can do it, but not on your own. You were made to need people to help you, and to help people after you get through this.

Man, sex is great! Oh my goodness, it's like one of the most beautiful things ever created... I mean, seriously, in what other way can a man and woman be as intimate and close in every way then when they become one? If it's in a healthy relationship it makes the woman feel completely loved and the man truly respected. Dude, that's part of what we were made for, was to experience the wonderfulness of it..... so then why does it so often leave us empty

The way that we view sex today is no doubt twisted from all that it was originally meant to be. We're all looking for love and trying to fill up our emptiness with things that only dig the hole deeper. But we're not just longing for any love, not just sex-love or emotional-love, but a true love. And I promise you, though you probably already know, the stuff you are into sexually will NEVER fill you up, make you whole, or bring you happiness.
But I want you to know, that once you are brought out of the place you are now, you can have all that you were meant to experience in life... happiness, wholeness, peace, self-confidence, friendships, healthy relationships, beautiful sex, and most importantly true love. That's what you were made for!

The person I knew personally who struggled like you.... is my fiance. He was addicted to porn through out his teenage years, and struggled with bestiality. And let me tell you something.... it soooooo hurt me when I found out. Oh my word, I cannot even explain or express what that did to me inside when I knew he'd done that. It tore me apart from the inside out...
Guess what... I love that man still, even through all the pain. (I just have to add only here that I give Jesus all the credit for this love, okay that's all I'ma say bout God and fyi my fiance's a Christian now too)
I truly love that man, and would die for him if I ever had to! My fiance struggled with a twisted view of love and sex, and it left him grasping for something to fill his emptiness and yet, what he was grasping to only led him further down. Until he finally decided he'd had enough and he stopped, and got help.

He knew that his effort to get out of that life-style would be rewarded later on... he wanted to have a future with a woman who would love him for who he was. Because he knew somewhere deep inside that that was the real thing.
Let me tell you this... it so paid off And I am very thankful for his efforts to do so for me, even before he knew who I was. Because to me it really was like he was doing it for me without even realizing it. And I'm proud of him for that

Man, anon33, I know this may sound stupid, but I'm going to be praying for you. Truly and honest to goodness, I will be. Because there is so much better in store for you than what you're living like right now. What you are into is not what you were meant for... no way. I know the going may be tough, and getting out of anything like that is almost like trying to get yourself out of quicksand. However, there are those who are willing to help you through, they will be the ones to pull you out. Just keep in mind that you were meant to be more than an overcomer.

I want the best for you, because I can see that you want change... good change, wonderful change. And it can and will happen, if you are serious about it. But I don't just want the best for you just because you want change, but because you deserve it, not because you've done anything to deserve it... you just deserve it because you were created for better, and that alone is enough for me to want the best for you.

I know I've written the longest story you've probably ever read, and never wanted to. :p Sorry bout that, but I do hope that there is at least one helpful thing here for you from it all.

God bless you man,
I'm praying for you

P.S. if you (or anyone reading this) would like to ask any questions, whatsoever, feel free to ask! I'll do my best to answer.

Love is willing to suffer-long, love is kind. It doesn't get jealous easily, it doesn't brag, it is not prideful. It is not rude, it is not selfish, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of the wrongs against it. Love doesn't find pleasure in evil, but it delights in truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (this is true love)

I'm really not going to go in depth pointing out my opinion on this fact or that fact as that would take too long. Some of what you said I agree with (such as porn being the root cause of a lot of this, though I still enjoy it) and some I don't (such as you saying it is unnatural).

It's the second point, I'd like to address mostly.

If it is so unnatural, then why would there be multiple forums for this? Why would it be legal in some countries? In fact, given the chance...most animals used in bestiality (horses and dogs for instance) will typically hump you on their own accord, all you have to do is allow it, so who's being hurt? A hundred years or so ago, girls were getting married off in their early teens to men half their age and this was accepted as the way to go, if they waited till they were in their twenties they'd be lucky to ever get married.

Point being, who is to say what is right or wrong? Natural or not? If it comes to you on your own, there is nothing unnatural about it and if you are harming no one, what wrong are you doing? It is your choice to act on your fantasies or not, however you shouldn't be ashamed of yourself for thoughts you don't control and just because someone else tells you it's wrong and you shouldn't do it, doesn't make them right.

most animals used in bestiality (horses and dogs for instance) will typically hump you on their own accord, all you have to do is allow it, so who's being hurt?

As for that, a dog/horse is going to naturally hump things, (anything for that matter) because it's an animal.... but it really doesn't know what it's doing aside from natural instinct...
I honestly believe, that if it's not within your species... Don't go that route... You know.. AIDS was originally only a disease found in monkeys... I'm sorry, but that is NOT okay... and thanks a lot to that person, cuz now the whole world has to battle against it. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Origin_of_AIDS

Tell me again... who's being hurt???

It is your choice to act on your fantasies or not, however you shouldn't be ashamed of yourself for thoughts you don't control and just because someone else tells you it's wrong and you shouldn't do it, doesn't make them right.

As for the rest of what you've said... I understand where you're coming from... but most of it comes down to are you willing to be responsible for yourself as an individual, and look out for the best interest of others? Just because you have the right, doesn't make it right. And just because it feels good, doesn't mean it's good.

Point being, who is to say what is right or wrong? Natural or not? If it comes to you on your own, there is nothing unnatural about it and if you are harming no one, what wrong are you doing?

That sounds a bit selfish to me... but hey, every one does have the God given right to do as they please.

But one point I would like to make is this... in the end, when one wants to live a normal life and find someone special that they can hang with for the rest of their life, will what they're doing now affect that possibility in the future?
I mean everything we do brings about consequences right? You drink, get drunk, then the consequence is you wake up with the feeling of a hammer pounding against your head. If you're okay to deal with that then fine, just as long as you know it's coming.
You eat right, you exercise, wait a little while, the consequence is you start looking a lot better... and you knew it was coming.

That's the way of life. So, just a little something to think about.

0hopefound1 wrote:As for that, a dog/horse is going to naturally hump things, (anything for that matter) because it's an animal.... but it really doesn't know what it's doing aside from natural instinct...
I honestly believe, that if it's not within your species... Don't go that route... You know.. AIDS was originally only a disease found in monkeys... I'm sorry, but that is NOT okay... and thanks a lot to that person, cuz now the whole world has to battle against it. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Origin_of_AIDS

Tell me again... who's being hurt???

Congratulations, you've gone from me saying that you aren't hurting the animal involved to AIDS..had i been making the point that no one is ever going to be hurt by it than I could understand why you would make that point, however I was only referring to the specific animal itself.

As for the rest of what you've said... I understand where you're coming from... but most of it comes down to are you willing to be responsible for yourself as an individual, and look out for the best interest of others? Just because you have the right, doesn't make it right. And just because it feels good, doesn't mean it's good.

As a generalization, what I do behind closed doors does not affect anyone else so why would 'the best interest of others' matter to me in that case? Just because you have the right doesn't make it right and just because it feels good doesn't mean it is, however if I have the right than I have the choice to do as I please and if it feels good, well...I do prefer feeling good over feeling bad.

That sounds a bit selfish to me... but hey, every one does have the God given right to do as they please.

What is selfish about doing whatever you want whenever you want as long as you remain in the constraints of not hurting others? Selfish would be doing whatever you want whenever you want regardless of how it affects others however I do believe I made sure to add in "if you are harming no one".

But one point I would like to make is this... in the end, when one wants to live a normal life and find someone special that they can hang with for the rest of their life, will what they're doing now affect that possibility in the future?
I mean everything we do brings about consequences right? You drink, get drunk, then the consequence is you wake up with the feeling of a hammer pounding against your head. If you're okay to deal with that then fine, just as long as you know it's coming.
You eat right, you exercise, wait a little while, the consequence is you start looking a lot better... and you knew it was coming.

Yes, what you do now will have an effect on the future...eat right and exercise, you'll look better...be yourself no matter what that means instead of fitting into the social norms that tell you who to be, find someone who loves the real you...hmmm

That's the way of life. So, just a little something to think about.

Thank you for filling my empty head with thoughts

Congratulations, you've gone from me saying that you aren't hurting the animal involved to AIDS..had i been making the point that no one is ever going to be hurt by it than I could understand why you would make that point, however I was only referring to the specific animal itself.

I took your saying, "so who's being hurt?" with the "who" meaning anyone in general. Sorry that I misunderstood you. But I would think that in a sense the animal involved would be wronged because we're playing on the fact that it's natural instinct is to do that... and the person involved would be hurt because having sex is more than just having sex and feeling good. If you want to feel better, then do it with that hot girl that you've been fantasizing about, who's obviously got the hots for you. At least it's another human being, and there's an emotional connection in some way. By having sex with an animal, you're kinda being unfair to the animal, and you're degrading yourself. But hey, that's just the way I see it, take it for what you will.

As a generalization, what I do behind closed doors does not affect anyone else so why would 'the best interest of others' matter to me in that case? Just because you have the right doesn't make it right and just because it feels good doesn't mean it is, however if I have the right than I have the choice to do as I please and if it feels good, well...I do prefer feeling good over feeling bad.

What I meant by "the best interest of others" was the fact that by doing it to some animal, usually the animal belongs to someone and they probably wouldn't be too happy with you using their dog in that way. Unless the dog or horse is your own and then I would ask if what you're doing behind closed doors now would hurt your future girl... she is an "other" that you would want to be keeping the best interest for in mind.
You do have the right to do as you please, (I believe I mentioned that in my reply) but usually when it comes to this stuff... you may feel good for a while, but then you end up feeling bad later because you have so many questions wondering if you had done something wrong...

What is selfish about doing whatever you want whenever you want as long as you remain in the constraints of not hurting others? Selfish would be doing whatever you want whenever you want regardless of how it affects others however I do believe I made sure to add in "if you are harming no one".

It's selfish because the animal can't really tell you how it feels, or what it thinks... and usually you have to try and get that animal in a horny mood to do it with you, which isn't really of the animals free will/choice. And yes, you did add in "if you are harming no one" but with that then you can justify many things. For example: lying... as long as no one finds out the truth, then no harm done... Except for the fact that your conscience would feel guilty in some small measure, and nobody's hurt until someone does find out.

You're not harming anyone because no one knows... But if they did know, would it hurt them?

Yes, what you do now will have an effect on the future...eat right and exercise, you'll look better...be yourself no matter what that means instead of fitting into the social norms that tell you who to be, find someone who loves the real you...

Yeah, you can find someone who loves the real you. That's true. But that doesn't change the fact that what you did will probably hurt them whether they let you know that or not. Unless you didn't tell them, and then they wouldn't know so then they wouldn't hurt. But would that be fair to them? I mean really, unless they had done the same thing, then they probably wouldn't understand it, and it would hurt them somehow.
Yes, be yourself, no matter how much peer pressure you experience, but at least try and leave a good legacy for the people who know you. May no one have many bad things to say about you, but more good. Everyone deserves to be remembered with good thoughts about them, don't they?

Thank you for filling my empty head with thoughts

Your welcome, anytime.

...... I know that not everyone is going to see eye-to-eye. And sometimes we just need to agree to disagree. If everyone in this world thought the same, well then, this earth would be a very boring place, wouldn't it? So, please understand that I'm not attacking you as a person, or anything like that. I'm merely just sharing my opinions and points of views, you may take it for what you will.

Best wishes.

I appreciate your opinion and yes, agreeing to disagree is sometimes the only way. I didn't feel you were attacking me as a person and truthfully we could carry on this conversation for a very long time hashing out all the little details because we stand from two separate points of view.

The only issue I had with your argument was the air of right you seemed to adopt, I apologize if I misread this.