Found out my boyfriend is a pedophile.

A few months back I was looking at my boyfriends reddit account and stumbled across a thread where he admitted to being attracted to younger kids. He explained he would never act on any of those urges or feelings because it makes him feel dirty and disgusting. He suffers from anxiety and depression for a few reasons unrelated to that, and now I'm realizing that this is probably a contributing factor as well.

We have an extremely strong and loving relationship. I want nothing more for him than to feel at ease about his situation. At first I was terrified for a lot of reasons. But I've let this information sink in for about 4-5 months now and I've done research about what can be done. I feel way less freaked out and now all I want to do is help him.

I really want to bring this up to him, to tell him I support him and love him and want to help him get better. But since this isn't something he's actually confided in me, I feel like bringing it up would make him feel scared and attacked. I don't want to corner him into talking about this, but I want him to feel comforted knowing I won't leave him or think he's disgusting. All I want is for him to feel better.

How can I bring this up to him in a way where he won't feel attacked?

This is an issue that needs to be addressed. I am a nonoffending pedophile myself , and the feelings of self-loathing and fear destroyed every relationship I was ever in. The only person I ever confided in left me shortly after , and I am sure your bf feels that if he told you , you might leave him. With this in mind , I doubt he would ever bring it up. So you should. Just tell him what you saw , and let him know that you still love him regardless , and be sure to let him know that you recognize his struggle and appreciate that he has chosen to restrain his feelings for the better of the children. May love and peace be upon you and him , good luck.

You weren't invading his privacy were you? Were you on his account without his permission or can anyone just look and see what that account has posted? You don't want to start off with him already feeling like his privacy or trust has been violated.

Everyone would react differently to a situation like this. Maybe he really didn't want to tell you, would prefer not to and doesn't feel any want to? Maybe he does want to tell you but is scared? Do you feel the need to tell him? This could be a weight off of your chest and/or his but it could also change your relationship forever and he may react poorly from your point of view even if you stress the fact that you want to support him.

I'm terrible at these sort of things but I guess the best way if you feel the need to tell him is to sit him down and explain the situation. Stressing the fact that you want to support him and don't think negatively of him just because of his attractions would be quite important as well. If he opens up then great but if he doesn't feel comfortable discussing it or things go real bad then letting him know that you are there for him and ready to talk whenever he feels ready could be a nice way of handling it I think.

The information is totally public, he also told me the URL and "there's nothing really on there so you can look at it" 2 or 3 times. I guess he forgot he posted that? Who knows.

I really want to know more about it, I don't want him to bottle up all his feelings because it gives him a ton of anxiety/makes him feel guilty. But I know if I wait for him to bring it up, it'll never happen. He's very open about things if I ask but on his own he doesn't offer up a lot of information.

Thanks for the advice!

My 0.2,

You seem to really like this guy, and this has not scared you, and it shouldn't, as you know.

The best way to deal with it?
Just speak to him face to face and bring up you were on his tumblr (Its public and he's told you to look so its fine), and tell him what you read, and that you're totally fine with it. Just go from there, he may deny it at first, but just be open and honest and express that you're fine with it and you'll help or whatever. You're not in the one bit wrong there and everything is put out on the table straight away.

Hey,

I just had this experience. I violated my boyfriends privacy though, and because i knew i had I left the evidence out. I felt as if lying and being sneaky would be a bad thing to add to our relationship. I have my own feed that you can read through, and it might help.

paraphilias/topic161508.html

Over the past few months i've given my Bf space on the topic, but i have been sure to invite him to places that may involve children, show him my cousins videos when they do something funny, and NEVER restrict anything that is innocent before having this knowledge. When you start restricting and thinking oh maybe this will be a trigger then your finding shame, and there is nothing for him to be ashamed of. "Remember to never say i need to know for myself" its not about you.

Maybe just saying hey i was reading your page one day and i saw this and i'm interested.
If he seems weary then just reassure him of acceptance, but remember you may not get all answers in one day. it has taken me 3-4 months. if you want to talk more freely private message me

Jlp8406 wrote:Over the past few months i've given my Bf space on the topic, but i have been sure to invite him to places that may involve children, show him my cousins videos when they do something funny, and NEVER restrict anything that is innocent before having this knowledge. When you start restricting and thinking oh maybe this will be a trigger then your finding shame, and there is nothing for him to be ashamed of. "Remember to never say i need to know for myself" its not about you.

That's great, I had a harder time doing the same when I found out (though my partner did come out to me). I worried about going places that would have a lot of kids or having him over to my family's pool when I knew there would be kids there. I didn't have to worry, though, it's much more complicated than that.

And to the OP, it's great how supportive you are. I've been with my partner for four and a half years and he's a non-exclusive pedophile. We have a really strong, trusting relationship, and if you ever want to chat, feel free to send me a message!