Am I an Ephebophile?

Hello, well, I thought I'd write it on here instead of the ocd section, because I feel less judged on here? I don't know. I am a 19 year old female and have had ocd, ranging from homosexual ocd, it went onto pocd (pedophile), then I was scared I had another paraphilia and now I am thinking I am an Ephebophile... I had quite a lot of worry about that when I was scared about being a pedophile, but I wasn't as bothered about that, because a study found it is more normal than I thought. Plus I hadn't acted on it or anything.

But recently I was on Facebook and a boy who I think is 15 started talking to me, he saw me around school before and asked if I was single and I got confused to why he was asking that because obviously nothing would happen?! I mean I would never do anything, but I said hello back and now I am scared this is me acting on my Ephebophilia if I have it, and I know it is not illegal to talk anyway. I mean he was being all flirty and it made me uncomfortable but now I am worried I was tempted to flirt back. The thing is I rack my brain and conjure up multiple reasons for my actions like the worst possible ones. Is it wrong I talked to him because I found him attractive? Like more attractive than this other boy who is of similar age who talked to me, how come I didn't worry then?? Then I like test myself and the undeveloped image I get puts me off.. like I'm not into that. So is it ok to find a face attractive?? Maybe he seems more mature, I don't know...

The thing I am mainly bothered about is what people will think of me anyway, like they wouldn't want to be around me if they know what I did.. I already think I am a sick person and then this just adds on, so I always worry if people knew all about me they would stay away from me.. it is like me being content and self-assured relies on other people's approval?

I'm sorry if it is really long, thank you for reading it all if you have.

You can rest assured, you are not abnormal for being charmed by a 15 year old boy when you are 19. I think you are more scared of the term ephebophile than actually being one.

If you are in the United States or a first world country, the greatest sexual taboo is being attracted to minors. However, a 15 year old boy can still have many qualities of an adult, and some 15 year olds can look and act 18 or older. The fact that you're worried means you likely aren't going to try to enter into a sexual or romantic relationship with a minor even if you do find them attractive because you know that would be illegal.

An ephebophile is a stupid word, because anyone interested in sex who says they never check out the body of a 14-17 year old person of the gender they are attracted to is likely a liar. The important thing is keep it no touching, and obviously don't search for pornography of people under 18. Flirting is a bit of a gray area, because people flirt to charm all the time, but if it is a situation that seems kind of odd, just keep control. I also don't think you have to worry about what others would think if you found teens attractive, because for one you are only 19, and for two, psychologists don't consider ephebophilia a mental disorder of any kind. Sexual contact with a teenager when you are an adult would be statutory rape, but I don't think you're even considering doing that. Just rest assured that you are normal and don't worry about some label called ephebophilia. There are many adults far older than you that still will find a teenager attractive. A therapist wouldn't diagnose you with any disorder just for thinking that, and they wouldn't call the authorities. I probably wouldn't go around telling people about it, but that is simply because it is a touchy subject for some people, and also, who you find attractive is not anyone else's business anyway.

Thank you so much for the reply!
Yeah, I am definitely scared of being one... which is what ocd is, right? I want to add that I have only ever fancied boys my age or one year younger or older. But thinking of a undeveloped body puts me off anyway, I think it is just the face... so definitely don't want to be searching for child pornography!!

I think I just freaked out because I was in a highly anxious state anyway, so I didn't flirt back and deleted him as a friend, which I feel guilty about now, but he couldn't keep being flirty like that.. I mean the age difference wasn't like that when I was like 16 like attracted to 12 year olds or something, because of the four year difference.. Just hope this goes, it just seems one thing after another..

The thing is, a 15 year old often isn't an undeveloped body. I think you're thinking of pedophilia, which is an attraction to pre-pubescent children. A 15 year old is not pre-pubescent, and is often far into the stages of puberty which they don't really have much further to go to be a fully developed adult.

You are only 19, so essentially you still are a teenager. Just think about this. If the law was that the age of consent was only 15, there would be fundamentally nothing wrong. What arouses us doesn't understand what age of consent means, it is our conscience that does.

When I was about 21, I still found 14 and 15 year old guys attractive. If there is one that is really cute and developed into puberty, I may still find them attractive, but not to the extent that I would find someone who is about 20-22. I generally did start to notice finding guys 4-5 years younger attractive once I turned about 18 and was in the closet. I am also a bit emotionally immature. I told my mom and my best friend that I can sometimes find older teenagers attractive now, and found younger ones attractive the first few years of my adulthood, and they don't think any less of me for it. I still understand what age of consent means and I would never enter into a sexual relationship with someone under 18. So in my view of myself that makes me someone of good moral character and trustworthy.

As far as what others would think about you. If I knew you and knew this about you, I could still see you as someone I'd be able to be friends with, as I attend college still in my mid-twenties and am friends with some younger women. I hope that helps somewhat.

Thank you for your reply!
Yeah, you're totally right, but I think his is too undeveloped for me, not that I have seen it, I know that sounds really weird! Just imagining it (when I test myself by the way.)

Yes, that is definitely the case, you have explained it so well! Before my OCD I didn't really think about this at all, it just makes out that everything I do is completely weird and I have to like pull it all apart etc. I'd say the attraction is more common in men than women though. It like knowing I am ok in myself isn't good enough, always needing constant reassurance...

Well, thank you You are probably a very accepting person like me though which some people are not, I have definitely learnt to be more accepting.

I understand what sexual obsessions in OCD is like, because I have had them myself and even wanted to commit suicide over them.

However, you need to find a way to let yourself go and free yourself from this. I don't mean free yourself from having thoughts about younger guys, I mean free yourself from the guilt of it all. Finding a guy four years younger attractive isn't something to be concerned about. As you said, you don't fantasize about him sexually. I'll say again that ephebophilia is not a mental disorder. Late teens are developed sexually almost all the way and can be found attractive by adults very easily. Setting laws on age of consent is for the purpose of protecting minors in society, not for a purpose of shunning people who can find them attractive. Don't do this to yourself, you are not abnormal and are probably a good person. You likely just thought he was cute and felt a little guilty that you may have enjoyed some of his charm. You didn't consider doing anything illegal to him or doing anything morally wrong about it, so you're okay. We grow and mature, and I have grown and matured and become attracted to older people as I got older, but even the memories of who I was attracted to several years ago can catch up to me and I will have to admit that if a 14-15 gay guy tried flirting with me, I could possible be charmed a bit, but at the same time would tell him he is too young, and the kind of interest I would have in him wouldn't be the same as the kind of interest I have in a developed adult, which is where I think you are.

This will probably end up being an ongoing dialogue, so if you want to send me a private message to talk more, you can feel free to do so, because I understand sex obsessions in OCD are a hard thing to deal with not being able to talk to somebody, but I think you're okay and worthy of having friends and people to accept you regardless of having these feelings.

Ephebophilia is a nonsense term and is not accepted in psychiatric circles. Attraction to mid to late adolescents is perfectly valid biologically.

Thank you both for your replies!

I know I really should, I think I have low self-esteem anyway so it makes it much harder. I seem to fear too many things.. yes that is all true I think. Is it normal to when you are obsessing over a particular thing to believe you prefer that age group compared to older adults, because i'm getting that now and it is worrying me.. is this out of fear? It is horrible having this, I am wasting my life, especially at an age I should be having fun and enjoying myself

I have also worried about other things and worried I've had other paraphilias involving children so then this one added onto this thing I did I fear makes me a really bad person.. Like people would think why are you doing that as well when you are already such a bad person, you don't deserve anything, you don't deserve to look good or be around other people etc. So frustrating, it tries to stop me from getting on with my life.. Before I had this I was quite a careless person I guess and I would shrug all these off and not worry about them a lot!