having a relationship with a 12 year old girl - dangerous?

Platypus wrote:

ElKahn wrote:I think accepting the worst part of ourselves is a big challenge, unless one is a psychopath, then it wouldn't be hard.

I agree. I think many people struggle with this, but I imagine that it could be a big issue for people with paraphilias. Maybe it's worth making a separate thread about this?

As a suggestion, you could still find safe ways to express/let out your dark side without fully accepting it. Expressing your dark side means that you don't have to bottle it up or try to hide it. Acceptance may only come later, when you've shown yourself that you can control it and that others accept your dark side.

There are other forums here that you can use. You're not only a person with a paraphilia. You have many other qualities. I like to post in the Antisocial Personality Disorder forum because the people there are not emotionally sensitive and are a bit misanthropic or dark. It lets me enjoy conversations that aren't supportive or about feelings and all that other nice or good stuff. It works for me because I am both caring and uncaring, if you know what I mean. So I like being able to express both sides.

Maybe you can find other outlets, if not here than elsewhere, to express your darkness. It could be art (stories, pictures), something physical, like a martial art, and probably lots of other things too. You could even use your manipulation/charm to be a successful salesman. Just find outlets that are unlikely to be harmful to you (not get you into trouble with the law or prompt people to attack you!) Even being an anonymous jerk/troll on the internet may be a better option than charming 12-year-olds.

I agree with you. I think it's time for me to play musical instruments again. It's been months since I last played music. I play piano and guitar, just in case someone is be curious about it.
When I play horror movies themes on the piano I kinda feel that dark side "possessing me", and I let it go through the music being played. I do not harm anyone there, as music is a beautiful thing when it is genuine and played from the heart. And when I play metal songs on electric guitar I release "the aggressive part of my dark side". Those two are the genres preferred by my dark side. I think I repressed it a lot lately, and it's not healthy.
I don't use my charm for bad purposes though. I noticed it increased a lot lately, or it even appeared out of nowhere since I don't recall me being a charming person before (probably because of my now adult age, and me getting much more mature). It is allowing me to make friends, and the friends I already have are getting much more closer to me, one in particular, my best friend, came to the point of saying "you are my life, and I mean it"...she knows about me texting the 12 year-old, and sometimes I just think "how can she say such nice words to a sick pedophile??!!" but then again, she doesn't know about it, I never said that word and she doesn't know about my fantasies - NOBODY will ever know about them, I won't even discuss about them here, they're just too intense and I do not want to trigger anyone. As long as they're just in my mind it is ok, but exposing them could be dangerous to someone here, and to myself as the more I think about them, the more they make my urges hard to control.
My manipulative abilities are used for good purposes too, as I "manipulate" my friends into being better people and living happier lives, I help them get rid of their fears and obsessions, I'm kinda like their personal psychologist.

ElKahn wrote:she doesn't know about my fantasies - NOBODY will ever know about them, I won't even discuss about them here, they're just too intense and I do not want to trigger anyone

Have you ever tried writing/typing them? You don't have to show anyone, but at least they're not just stuck in your head. I've found that writing them out makes some fantasies/thoughts less intense.

I have no musical talent, but I imagine music could be a great way to connect with how you feel and to express yourself. It's also something that other people are likely to appreciate - there's no shortage of people who enjoy dark and angry music. So perhaps it's a way that you can express your negative feelings without worrying that others will reject you or react with hostility.

Platypus wrote:

ElKahn wrote:she doesn't know about my fantasies - NOBODY will ever know about them, I won't even discuss about them here, they're just too intense and I do not want to trigger anyone

Have you ever tried writing/typing them? You don't have to show anyone, but at least they're not just stuck in your head. I've found that writing them out makes some fantasies/thoughts less intense.

I have no musical talent, but I imagine music could be a great way to connect with how you feel and to express yourself. It's also something that other people are likely to appreciate - there's no shortage of people who enjoy dark and angry music. So perhaps it's a way that you can express your negative feelings without worrying that others will reject you or react with hostility.

I am afraid of writing them down for some reason....

ElKahn wrote:I am afraid of writing them down for some reason....

Maybe this is worth exploring? What is it that you are afraid of?
If you write them down, you can always burn or shred the paper later. The words will have no more power than you give them. At least written down, they no longer need to be stored in your mind. You can let the fantasies go, if you know what I mean, instead of holding on to them.

Platypus wrote:

ElKahn wrote:I am afraid of writing them down for some reason....

Maybe this is worth exploring? What is it that you are afraid of?
If you write them down, you can always burn or shred the paper later. The words will have no more power than you give them. At least written down, they no longer need to be stored in your mind. You can let the fantasies go, if you know what I mean, instead of holding on to them.

I have already tried that and it just feels bad. Writing them down makes me feel like I am feeding them.

Ah okay, so it sounds like writing is not helpful for you. I hope music or some other form of expression does help.

seems like this situation highly volatile and could combust spontaneous at any moment from my pov.

but honestly i think this is a dangerous situation.

No matter how many "signs" you give her and how ok she seems with all of it, she's honestly just too -intellectually stunted at that age to pick up on it. I mean she's twelve. do you remember being twelve? i do. it's right before puberty and you think you know $#%^ about the world. then you actually grow up and realize that nothing you thought you knew was really as it seems.

Anyway. I'll admit I Hate reading after my psychosis soo I confess i didn't read all of it. not even of the very first post. but that's just what i thought from as far as i did get.

Oh and a suggestion: why don't you do boxing or some other really tiring physical sport to get out all your anger/ tension?

amazeded wrote:seems like this situation highly volatile and could combust spontaneous at any moment from my pov.

but honestly i think this is a dangerous situation.

No matter how many "signs" you give her and how ok she seems with all of it, she's honestly just too -intellectually stunted at that age to pick up on it. I mean she's twelve. do you remember being twelve? i do. it's right before puberty and you think you know $#%^ about the world. then you actually grow up and realize that nothing you thought you knew was really as it seems.

Anyway. I'll admit I Hate reading after my psychosis soo I confess i didn't read all of it. not even of the very first post. but that's just what i thought from as far as i did get.

Oh and a suggestion: why don't you do boxing or some other really tiring physical sport to get out all your anger/ tension?

Yes I remember being 12 and studying psychiatry and especially cases of schizophrenia locked up in my room with a computer. Weird, isn't it? I actually had psychotic episodes myself.
I was much more mature than everyone my age. Even now that I'm 20 I feel like I'm at least 30.
But well, yeah, I was still a child and did many things wrong. I'm certainly not the same person I am now! My personality and interests haven't changed a lot, but it's obvious that I'm intellectually muuuuuuch more superior, I mean....I'm an adult now, studying at college, I can't be the same person I was at 12, I didn't know a damn about the world at that age, even though I was smarter than other kids. Things are just different.
I don't think she's smart enough to understand I'm attracted to her, despite all the compliments and words I said which would be obvious to an older person....

I lift weights from time to time, so yeah I guess that gets my anger out and despite being very very small I have a pretty scary physical strength

pssh lifting weights is boring not to mention unnatural. Did our ancestors sit around lifting the same damn rock over and over in the same damn fashion? I don't think so! they were out and about, running, jumping, and killing mammoths.

I would say soccer is closer to that. or just go running. or swimming. there's a whole host of tiring and active physical activities you can do, that are too obvious to even mention.

Copied and pasted from The Daily Mirror...

A man committed suicide days after vigilantes accused him of being a paedophile and grooming a child on the web.

Gary Cleary, 29, was arrested after being confronted in public by undercover online group Letzgo Hunting.

Mr Cleary, who lived with his college worker girlfriend Melissa Andrews, was confronted in public by Letzgo Hunting members four months ago.

He was arrested and questioned by detectives from Leicestershire Police on May 9 after they were shown the footage.

The engineer, from Newbold Verdon, Leicestershire, was released on bail while officers looked at allegations.

He was found dead at home four days later.

Full Story: http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/ga ... z2fH18FnbH