xod_s journal:plz feel most free to respond

My reply to how my brother said how I see the negative in everything.How I "love" to talk about the negative in everything.

I see and talk and bring up "the negative in everything" b/c no else can.Can do it in the nuanced way with accuracy,precision and tougough detail that *I like* to do.That makes a wide outlook that accurately gives me an idea of how the thnings scope ranges.The unfavorable thigs so often neglected,unattended to,letft ignored..that will grow and grow into an entity that when it starts moving around,ppl give a predictable panicky expression of "what are we going to do" and struggle or overcome,thinking they beat it as much as they need to hwilst leaving unfavaraoble remians unatteneded to.To grow and repeat this cycle again.

If I were optimistic from the beginning I'd see the more favorable aspects of things,true..but part of me has a "nagging concern" that I'd be so happy I'd happily oconform and be complasianent with the bandwagon of dear ppl who eventually get "pounced"on by the unfavabolrable things which were ignored in the first place.Having the badly misguided notions I did as a child...as disturbing as it what,detrimental to my health and all..I can say that *I* greew adjusted and find myself with much famility in negativity.Though I DO NOT like dragging others into that sphere in spite of what they say I'm doing.If you do find me doing that please tell BUt when I do TELL ME THE DETAILS.I'm in negativity,I sit in negativity yes but I at least like very much to "make a map" of the terrain which all to often I dont see ppl make.Just them making escapes with the assumption that it'll never come back.Like the Yin half in a taijitu ,I'm a oddly seeming in location glimmer of human light in a land otherwise ominous and envolping..

I do want to change.To optimist?.Yes.*In a sense*.I'd like to see the favorability in things as broad and far in length as an optimist but I dont want to turn my back in ignoring the negative and movement so many do.I'd like to be a "completionist" in that ense.Not a glass half full or half empty but a glass that got to that state not b/c both simultanouely happened (one hole at the bottom that got plugged while someone was pouring from the top) but a glass that *I know* for what it is,for how it got thaat way.And be able to have joy in the all of one

A search for reason and the other congnitive functions/processes I lack will help me in searching for optimism.

The problem is that are some things that CAN'T be dealt with positively.They are very bad by their nature and to put an optimistic spin on it wold be to undercut it or even be condescending or insulting to it.Genocide for example.No way to postively/optimistically view that,hmmm?.-_- An insensitive and complaisant view from the population of associated offenders notwithstanding obviously.What do ppl ussually do when brought up with that topic.Say "Oh no,how terrible" and turn their heads away before going back to whatever they like more?.Ignoring the gravity of thing that might not be requiring your attention so much an empathatic open eye,understanding.At least that.I'm so habitual in my negativity that I'm not reluctant to look into those kinds of things.Were I to be optimistic I certainly wouldn't want to lose that. Oh the way I said that makes it seem like being optimistic would be like converting different religion when it's not.Very negative things like genocide what there is aside from the negativity of the scenerio is facts on what lead to the happening and how when it comes to looking for something different than desolation.I suppose optimism helps in the recovery effort but as for the actual action itself,not in ways that I know of that aren't underhighlighting.

Architecture and jewelry making;prob.the two most expesensive art forms.Different amounts of labor and person-power but both high risk for their own reasons.

I think that when there comes a time to buy rings for a wedding I'd rather look around on deviantart or etsy than a jewerly shop.If I was on a desert island by myself I wonder if I could carve out rings from rock.

This ring has a very "cut gemstone that was embedded in concrete" feel

http://www.weddingrings-direct.com/uniq ... ut-diamond

that is refreshingly creative in spite of the less glamorous feel that the material is trying to go for.

It's occured to me that,that whole thing about being networked to lucrative revenue sources like having a friend at a high end company or whatever is the key difference between being able to sell art that apparently anyone could make like Jackson Pollock stuff to very wealthy ppl who *apparently -_-* understand art and have the clout to assign it,it's value in a certain not so aesthetic sense .

Part (I) I am THANKFUL that both things I thought I was gonna losing on b/c of the last minute submissions got passes.One by a thread and more surpriseingly the lit one has a good mark .Though I think my teacher might've been being extra nice which is something I don't wanna take advantage of any longer

Part (II) in the room I'm in right now there is sometimes leftovers from veggie and yogurt catering trays and such,I've had most of the yogurt myself and would seem like such a glutton if I were to esstially eat all the veggies there on my own >_< but GGGGAAHHH x~x the thought of the food being thrown out !.!!!.DANG IT >_<!!.I've had like 3+ serving of yogurt in the lil'coffee cup[ and gotta get my ash outta here to buy something downtown soon b4 it turns darker

Oh the dilemma of not eating lotso (*GOOD*) leftover outta normative prescribed social ettique and not wanting it to be thrown away.

Right now I'm thankful for some men stepping in and helping themselves (I think/I hope) to more than coffee .

The better thing would've been to eat all the veggies (baby carrots,brocolli,celery and I think a few cherry tomatoes and cauliflower) instead of the fruit which is a usual complement to yogurt,fruit was morel likely to have been eaten sooner than the vegatables that were left. Now I can only wish that the veggies at least got put in a green bin.

I'm sorta regretting having brought "Enders game" and "World war Z" for my mom to watch.It gets sickening when you know that a person has consistently been watching militaristic themed movies b/c of the lack of available movies about other stuff.When it comes to movies asides from the usual blockbusters that you gotta wait for Netflix has really semed to have produced a new era of B movies.When it comes to movies in general there's never -~- a shortage of military based movies.I mean it's not like if it was about something more naval it'd be better but I guess one thing that might be said is that in a wrold where the industry model of "dark and gritty",sequel or blockbuster style special effects laden action that tries to be "tough guy"-ish (I think Jason Statham whose movies I don't like aside from Jet Li's "The one" a lil'bit) is showing cracks next to decreasing revenues when your always suppose to have each sequel be more expensive,have a better story,better actors,better action,better effects etc. When ppl are more or less uninspired it seems that military stuff is what you default too.Heck I'm worried that even my alm mom *might* be getting aggresive even if in *tiny* increments.

Although I'm not ussually an admirer of smaller scale "indie" movies as well as it takes time sometimes to make more of it.Example:Chungking express.I liked the look at a despondent police officer in still-a-colony 90's Hong Kong,the grainy early 90's look and mulling based romance stories which are drearier alternative to an American rom-com.There were inconclusively explained parts and from what I've read it sorta goes on/relates with other Wong Kar-wai movies..still though you notice something .All this talking over waching something so mundane that got stylized.And it's not even something mundane that I'd ever look forward too:break-ups.If I'd gone thru that the movie would've "spoken" more to me.

Though I would've preferred reading a book on something like that and made my imagination "do the work" of picturing how the stuff that went on was like.Would going thru a single book on simiilar topis be done over a inconsistent course of time like 1/2 hr instaces over the course of days?.Maybe,but I sorta prefer that to sitting for like 2+ hours on end for a buncha movies each day.Reading on the bus is something I particulary like.

When I blend guayava leaves the bitterness of the tea is 2X plus stringy,(fibery?),ripped up leaves with a very strong bitter aftertaste which is leseened by blended frozen pinapple sliced chunks.Today instead of using precious fruit like an orange for the added sweetness (thinking about how I ate two o'em yesterday) I used honey instead and it really worked the trick !!.*Bittersweet.How could I've not realized that as the "missing link" to making blended guayava leaves much less bitter,except for an afterteaste that's still left on the back center of my tongue.This was something I made in the morning.

"Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life"-Immanuel Kant

HUH-ZAH!.Epistemology and [ ]..something I really wish I could fill the blank too .

I've calmed down now.

I should be grateful that my uncle-in-law said his daughter/my cousin would like me to help her with her sci fair project for next year in spite being out of actual science practice itself.I'm flattered.<--guessing/going with that being a good word in spite of not having looked it up ondictionary.com cuz I gotta do something else first

On a cruder^1 level when I read or think about philosophy^2 the delight of philosophy tingling in my Asperger condition/non-neuronormative brain is a like the comment at 0:11 and a lil'like 0:33-0:59

of this clip http://youtu.be/_KOhxBGm5qA?t=33s

esp.when it comes to dispelling my fears and worries



^1 very crude :roll:

^2 You know the presumably non-religious or spiritual kind that I owe a different kind of outlook/respect for/to