xod_s journal:plz feel most free to respond

My 1st entry .Sorry 4 it's lacklusterness.

Hi

Hope you find having a journal helps you

Cracked

3 months in2 my program and I'm still darn near pig-ignorant at anything having 2 do with computer science ;_;.How the flip sm I going 2 explain 2 my program co-ordinator on Monday that I'm currently failing 2 courses? `~`.

Hi

If I were you I would be upfront with whatever is going on that has brought this situation about as it sounds like you could do with some help learning this all - perhaps they might be able to sort some extra tuition or similar for you? I hope the meeting goes OK - let us know

Cracked

CrackedGirl wrote:Hi

If I were you I would be upfront with whatever is going on that has brought this situation about as it sounds like you could do with some help learning this all - perhaps they might be able to sort some extra tuition or similar for you? I hope the meeting goes OK - let us know

Cracked

Thnx 4 yer concern CrackedGirl.It went okay and I might explain what went on after.

xod_s wrote:Thnx 4 yer concern CrackedGirl.It went okay and I might explain what went on after.

No worries - am listening if you want to talk about it

Cracked

[An entry that otherwise would've gone into the blog section]

It's f---- annoying how I have no functional Circadian rhythm apparently.My whole life I've had huge trouble trying to go to sleep.I'd like to go on discussing this but the d--- time makes me wanna go shorter.When I was little (from what my mother's said) I always thrashed around trying to go to sleep.I'll even f---- admit only b/c of the certain benefits that go with identity around here obviously that for most of my life we've lived in places small enough that our family of five has ussually had to sleep in the same f--- room.This made me have a lot of problems with my sister's friends coming over and starting to wonder why their's only one true bedroom but 5 ppl as you can imagine among other things.When I was 14 near the end of grade 9 when we finally moved into our current town house I got to sure a room with my brother but a problem still continued (though it only sorta happens sometimes now).For some stupid reason my brother actually prefers to sleep with the windows open which (as a result of the angle of the window) has at time made a bright slit of street light go straight to my face.Add in how he ussually like to have the flippin window wide open even in godd---- winter.And yes even after having my state of my mental stability clarified to me ever since entering community college I still struggle to go the f--- to sleep.

I swear I don't go to sleep it seems until I do everything that *I want* to do which can very well exclude stuff like school work and chores,irratance and all.I didn't even meet my recoomended 12 hours of homework doing a week yestreday when I had the chance nor did I do my "spiritual exercises" outta irratance of doing those things when it was already almost 1 pm when I woke up (as is likely to happen again unfortunately -_-).This includes stuff like writing these sorts of things and the long a--- breaks I take btw doing this and other things I'd like to do like read online manga chapters.In this place there are not honestly not enough hours in a day to match my restlessness.

Except if you go way up to the Artic circle where it's straight dark and straight light for half and half the year.But f--- do I despise winter.It s---ks to be up at this d--- latitude.Oh bulls--- to how Canada is "proud" of it's winter!.I mean no offense to the northern regions of Canada but unfortunately I feel that this is the stark truth.Oh starkness how much you do s---k and are unpleasant whenever your brought up.

At latitudes more or less above or beneath Edmonton the country hardly sustains any noteworthy economic centers.That really reduces the "functional" size area of Canada to one that's not much bigger then the .U.S. "south" if all those states (maybe excluding Texas though) were lined up horizontally.Now chop down the productivity lost b/c of winter and you would see that with the onslaught of a now (in part to global warming) blistering,chilling wind laden cold and a s--- load of bone afflicting problems like arthritis brought on by switching out to hot environments like a factory b4 going 2 the blistering f--- winter outdoors,you'd see why it's not really like it has all that "first world" pleasantness you'd think it would fully have.

I mean h--- at least with the continental .U.S. there's still a heavily populated and functional not-top half that can do a lot of stuff compared to a country covered by cold 3/4 of the year (I dont consider "spring" to be a real thing around here according to it's archtypical portrayals) and struggles to make do with that 1/4 of hot wheather where it has to take full advantage to do all the stuff it wants it to do.

What would it take to learn to write scary stuff?.My whole life fear has been a big part of it unfortunately as well as learning new words.From cracked.com I see the awesome effectiveness of humour writing and I'm actually looking forward to that technical writing class.I'm guessing that when it comes to writing scary stuff being descriptive is good but that's not really all you need to create suspense and get into someone's head.It might not even be enough to describe the viscerality of something.Now what do I need to be as scary as Stephan King apparently is?.Would I ever *like* to venture on a website that's the equivalent of cracked but dealing with horror stories?.

I should be patient with when I take a graphic design program.I mean some ppl who dont directly go in2 an undergrad health program wait 4 like 4 or 5 years until they can go to med school dont they?.

You know even though this is a bad use of it I'm still going to write here anyways b/c Lord knows that once it's a time like right now (10:11 pm) I've lost the urge to study.

Even though I've fortunately worked thru this as it bugged me for a while (having looked at a site on how to get thru anger on something called "littlebuddha.com" helped) since it happened today.I know it's not a big deal,a big nit-pick but getting reprimanded by strangers is something that I don't think really happens to me too often and I try to avoid (hence why I always try to be polite),so I'm going to get this out now like a botfly maggot lest it fester in my already "malfestered" mind.

At early 11 am today I decided to take a bus back home in mid-day b/c I forgot my laptop cable at home.I was waiting there to the right of the bus shelter and chairs where I guess most people couldn't see me.I was there for a long time until during the last like 4 minutes of my wait a bunch more ppl came and formed a quasi-cluster.Note how I had already been waiting there for a while before that group came and therefore it's natural to assume that I'm first or one of the first for when the bus comes.When the bus arrived,after like one person from the cluster to my left went in I stepped and the driver yelled at me to get back.I'm surprised by how uncalled her yelling is.At first I'm like in my mind "What?.Did I just break some rule about crossing a line? `_` ?".Another person steps in and she yells at me again.I finally step in opening my mouth about to utter "was there a problem " and she scolds me saying that didn't I see the line and about me not being in it.I just say"but I thought' and she (like f-----g ssssooo many idiots who've irritated me that way in the past ) copies my voice saying "<(｀^´)/ you thought,you thought".

..Just like I don't like the word "buddy" that much b/c so often I here it used in a ironic/sarcastic/clearly unfriendly way and tone I don't like it when people imitate what I just said like the answer I gave is unworthy to them and can thus be made fun of and stomped/hopped on in the persons face while they give an obnoxious and grating face of anger.You know I can "pack a punch" b/c even though my "methods of anger" aren't always so quick and overt to come up unlike how I'd say most ppl commonly do,once they're there I can be quite ready to strike back with a retort which I only don't do out of trying to not be rude (and in this situation b/c it was a bus that's gotta be moving soon).I'll let the reciever of that blow decide about the effort put into it b/c I know what I did but I'm sure as h--- not telling them.

Yes all you a--holes out there.Please for your dumba--- sake don't ever copy my apparently weak and outlandish voice with your .i.e. "jaw wasting".Okay ^w^ d ?.

That reason she told me for having yelled at me ?....-_- that has got to be one of the most inane and marginal things for having to yell to a person at....I mean d--- it wasn't any big act of defiance to make a breach of ettique like that.It's not even like there were ppl in line behind me with baby carraiges or heavy loads.It's not much worse then say eating in a restaurant and putting the fork your using on the clean table cover instead of the napkins.I means there's been DOZENS of times now that ppl go into the bus by like groups of two or three across with no organized line so what was up with that?.I mean if she had (preferably in a firm but not angry voice) said the *reason* as to why she was using such a voice on me I would have appreciated that and/for it would make sense.

After that the bus trip downtown was notably quite.Just b4 I left off the bus I noticed how I was the only one who yelled "Thank you" for the ride (like I ussually do with bus drivers).I think that I took the bus to go home later on at 4:30-ish she was the driver once again of the #33.

Huh,every jerkwad that offends us has no idea that what they did is later on written by ppl with mental a/o emotional problems of their own and they get "immortalized" in a bad ,huh?.