gay? HOCD?

You've got to learn not to get so worked up about these words. It's very hard, and I still haven't managed it myself, but you gotta fight it. Stay confident in your heterosexuality, that's the most important thing. Don't let the intrusive thoughts overcome your mind.

I always find that when I'm in a spike, I always have to reaffirm my love for girls. Watching porn or something usually does that, and ends my spike. Of course, I do find it harder to get turned on during a spike however.

And I'm pretty bad with that too. I think it was a fortnight ago, when I was watching the million pound drop, and there was a gay couple on. I cringed up, felt all anxious, got intrusive thoughts. I had to leave the room. I felt like a homophobe.

yeah thanks I know what you mean, I can't see like gays on the TV or anything, I get well anxious, just wish I could get help

I can say 100 of things that are going to make you think that you are gay and do not have OCD.
But these things dont mean anything. You are not gay end discussion.
Sexuality cant change.
I dont know if you are still googling info about gay people (i know you used to) but you should noy do that, its a bad idea.

nar not really just google stuff like suffering from HOCD and stuff, I want to get past this and conquer it

Your doing the opposit that you shouls do:

You should stop asking reansurce, stop searching info not about OCD and not about being gay, accept the possibility.
I know this sounds lile an impossible task but except for that i dont know any other way...

I don't know if I can accept it, I hate to accept it, I couldn't face beinng gay

Could you accept being bisexual? I know I could, as long as it don't mean I'm losing my attraction to women.

nope not particularly I don't want any attraction to men whatsoever

I just want the old me back, when I saw girls I'd get butterflies when I thought I like her, now I get nothing, I haven't liked a girl seriously since like february, it's killing me, I want to revert back to the past and shrug this thing off when I first came to it

please?