HOCD and romantic relationships?

During normal life, I've gotten my HOCD under control and even when I spike, I'm usually able to come out of it. This is sort of because in my normal life I can tell myself 'I don't have to think about this if I don't want to,' and I believe it.

With the prospect of any romantic relationship, I'm constantly faced with doubt and wonder whether I should go through with anything when I know I'll be racked with uncertainty. When anything physical happens, it's incredibly difficult to focus on anything except whether or not I'm feeling aroused, and I check repeatedly. Honestly, I feel like this thought process kills any hope of actual arousal.

Miraculously, a guy that I'm interested in is also interested in me. What tips do you have for people who want to take the step and have a relationship, but feel hesitant because of OCD?

Dear wiltedspinach:

My advice is that you communicate with your partner about your fears while you are afraid: so instead of closing in to deal with your doubts, your fears, you open up to him and share, be open to him comforting you, calming you. Expect not perfection, and be pleased with progress...

atina

I can relate 100%, but i dont really know if i have any advice. For me, physically taking things slow works. Because when you work up to more intense things, you can feel your body sort of taking over. Even if your mind is having issues catching up, your body doing what it wants shows you what your genuine feelings are(in my opinion). When it comes to the romantic/emotional part, like atina, i say openness is key. But dont let it rule you. Allow the focus to be how you feel. Getting closer to that person is what is most important, not your questioning. If you want to be with them, then there is no doubt what your orientation is.

HOCD-scared1996 wrote:Getting closer to that person is what is most important, not your questioning. If you want to be with them, then there is no doubt what your orientation is.

Really good advice! I note it! It cans also be applied to when you have paranoid obsessions about cheating (i have the obsession that my woman will cheat on me, that she prefers other men, for example friends of mine). I use it like this, i use this advice like this! "Getting closer to that person is what is most important, not your questioning". Yeah. Regarding HOCD (that i have alot, far more since i am in couple), "If you want to be with them, then there is no doubt what your orientation is" is what is really helpful in my opinion.

Well, cheers.

My advice for you would be to never let OCD stop you from living your life. If you like/love somebody, tell them, go for it! There is no cure for HOCD but love and understanding.

That's how my HOCD was faded despite breaking up with my ex, my HOCD did not return lol

* Dear Angloas:

Please do share how your HOCD faded through love and understanding, I would like to learn from you !

atina

Yeah I don't get that either. Love isn't part of your orientation. It's somewhat connected to it because the orientation is what you like but the feeling of love is just a feeling. Much like how sexuality doesn't exist in your body. Your body just reacts. How does a particular feeling cure the hocd though? Using a feeling can also be dangerous too, no? One *could* use that as proof their fears are definitely false, and potentially continue the cycle?

jdd wrote:Yeah I don't get that either. Love isn't part of your orientation.

I agree. I have seen homo-romantic, hetero-sexual people out in the internet.

I'm not sold on romantic orientation, the above just sounds like a mixed bisexual to me. People just feel the need to come up with labels because it suits the ego? And, what I was getting at in the previous post was that LOVE is not a construct of your orientation. It's just a feeling like anything else we have a feeling of or physical body feelings too. IE: your sexual orientation does not exist in your actual heart. It does not exist in your genitals, etc.

* I asked Angloas to teach me how he used love and understanding to heal his HOCD and i was sincere about my question. I don't see anything wrong with what Anloas said- he wasn't saying that romantic love or some other kind of love will cure homosexuality- he said it cured OCD for him, HOCD. Am I missing something?

atina