HOCD and romantic relationships?

I was trying to get at how an emotion such as love can cure OCD if that's possible. Plus I was also making the statement that I find that love itself isn't attached to orientation is all.

Dear jdd:

I agree that love has nothing to do with sexual orientation.

What I figured the poster was saying that he was no longer obsessing about his orientation and I was hoping to get details from him about how he did it. I always want to know how people stop any part of OCD.

What is that bible quote: love casts out fear, something like that. OCD is a lot about fear, so I wonder...

Best to you, jdd!

atina

I wouldn't know anything from the bible.

Hi,

It might not have any relevance to you but It did for me. I have suffered from HOCD for 2 years. It was a mental torture as it is for many of you. I am a 29 years old Male and ever since I was a little kid, I have always been crazy about girls until that moment when HOCD hit me.

I was really confused as I have never had such thoughts in my mind before. They were obssesive and intrusive thoughts about being gay or that I could be gay. I read online forums such as this one trying to convince myself that I wasn't gay.

I have been on medication which helped me and therapy sessions by an OCD specialist. I came to an understanding after many months of therapy that the obsessions I was having don't really have anything to do with me sexuality or anything else. I was missing something in my life.. I missed something from my life almost my entire life. I didn't really have someone in my life to love and care for, instead I buried my head in porn and masturbated until I fainted.

I met my ex when I was going through all of this and before the relationship I explained to her what was happening to me and that if she found it weird, we shouldn't go ahead with it. We started our relationship and throughout our relationship she taught me what I was really missing from my life and I realised that I was really obsessed about sex more than anything. I have had sex many times but it was never with someone I loved and cared for. She taught me many things, things that I have never experienced in life before.

Long story short, I was only obsessed about sex and that I learned through watching porn everyday. I never had a person who loved me for who I really am and I have never loved so much for a person who I could die for. I realised even sex is better, life is better and different.

During my relationship with the girl I really loved for the first time had changed me. You might have other reasons for having HOCD but in the end i realised I only needed love. You might not agree with it, but it doesn't matter because this is my experience and i know myself. I now know that I had difficult life in the past and obsessions were a part of stressful times.

Also, remember if you were really gay or bi-sexual, you wouldnt be terrified of the thoughts. Accept that you are sick, and its just HOCD and don't let it stop you from living yourself.

Peace.
Angloas

jdd wrote:I'm not sold on romantic orientation, the above just sounds like a mixed bisexual to me. People just feel the need to come up with labels because it suits the ego? And, what I was getting at in the previous post was that LOVE is not a construct of your orientation. It's just a feeling like anything else we have a feeling of or physical body feelings too. IE: your sexual orientation does not exist in your actual heart. It does not exist in your genitals, etc.

What you are talking about has nothing to do with HOCD. HOCD isn't about someone's actual sexual orientation. Its a condition that someone has when they FEAR that they could be homosexual but in reality it has nothing to do with their sexuality. In my therapy sessions, I learned from my psychologist that people with HOCD have other obsessions that creep in such as fear of being a peadophile or a serial murderer, which was what I was having also and it doesn't mean you have them. She told me these conditions are a result of something else happening in my life such as a trauma, extreme stress etc. I noticed what was missing from my life and once I had it, the intrusive thoughts and the fear had disappeared.

So, orientation has nothing to do with HOCD.

Hi, Angloas I know this. I was referring the the mentioned person having heard of "homo romantic hereto sexual" on the internet being bisexual.

But your other post is extremely inspiring and that's what I was trying to figure out because you found the spark which you didn't have and many of us have not.

I can understand that jdd.

I have had many months of therapy until I realised why I was having intrusive thoughts and obsessions that had absolutely nothing to do with me. With the assistance of my psychologist, I realised that I have certain gaps on some aspect of my life. My psycologist had asked me to write down some of them as well as any addictions I had so I came home and wrote these on a notepad throughout the week.

1. I had a tough childhood (sick parents) so I almost grew up being lonely.
2. I was bullied alot at school.
3. I grew up being overweight so I had little to no self-confidence.
4. I had girlfriends buy never a girl who loved me and accepted me for who I am.
5. Addiction of Porn and Masturbation.

I typed it as i had written it on the notepad. She looked at this and then she looked at me and said "I think I understand why you are having these thoughts and If we work on these, your obsession will ease up on you."

She had me take care of myself. I lost a lot of weight and had shaped up my body. I gave up porn and masturbation (that was hard) lol. I learned to let the past be at the past and look at the future and for my luck I had a girlfriend who had been so helpful to me and most importantly she helped me see that there's more to life than what i had seen and also that relationship isn't just about sex, its just a small part of it. From that moment, each morning I woke up, the thoughts were less and less until it went away completely.

I noticed that people who have HOCD have something in common. We seem to have little self-confidence.

Please do PM me if you ever need someone to talk to, or to ask something. I will always be there for all of you.

To all of you panicking and having spikes. I know how terrible it feels but all of this will pass, I promise.

What should I do if thoughts doesn't bother me anymore. I learned to not listen to my mind, I learned to let my thoughts pass away as they appear. What bothers me is my feelings. I'm afraid I feel sympathy towards men, but simultaneously I feel also anxiety and my heart-rate is over 90 all day. I do not obsess over any ideas anymore, because it's exhausting. I just want to get rid of all the feelings. I started to accept them. I mean, I don't give any meaning to my sensations anymore, they just ARE, I don't think about them. But I still don't want to accept myself as gay. I don't obsess about it, it is just a principle. I feel weak, anxious and dizzy being in society, for example in my university. (it is not as BAD as it sounds, but it is pretty uncomfortable and annoying)

I take Rexetin (same as Paxil). I'm on the day 19 of taking pills. (antidepressants)
First 10 days I took 5 mg, next 9 days I took 10 mg. I have one more day on 10 mg and I will start taking 20 mg for 10 more days. Do you think I should feel some effect already?

I have ONE more (important) question:

Is your anxiety triggered by thoughts that pop up in your head (like your own inner voice), or it is triggered by feelings/sensations ?

Hi st4s1k,

It's a good start that you have learned to ignore your intrusive thoughts. From my experience, I had some sort of sympathy and only the idea that i might have some feeling towards men (brought on my thoughts) which brought on anxiety and terrified me to death that I could be gay because i felt that way and that meant I could be gay. STOP THERE. I have gay friends and they told me millions of times that all these experiences aren't what gay people feel. They aren't terrified of being gay, the thought and idea seems normal and pleasuring for them, it doesn't give them anxiety. The only thing that gave anxiety to them was the thought of how they were going to come out. The thing about HOCD for me was the more i let the thoughts and "feelings" come through, the more it gave me anxiety and the more anxiety I had, thoughts came in more intense. So, it was just doubt + doubt = lost.

You should learn to ignore feelings just as you are ignoring the thoughts, at least for a while and I know thats not easy. It's really good that you are taking medication because it will give you a clearer mind. My doctor prescribed a medication called Mirtazapine and that only took away the depression. I still had the thoughts, nightmares and all. I went back, after finally being diagnosed with OCD, she prescribed an SSRI medication called Sertraline. She increased the dose every week from minimum to maximum dose within a month.

1st week. I was taking 50 mg, I did not feel any difference for 3 days but on the 4th morning, I realised the thoughts were much less. (My mind started to nag me as soon as i woke up when I had HOCD)

2nd week. She increased the dose to 100, I noticed increase in my mood, the thoughts were getting much less but I was having a temporary side affect of having intense suicidal thoughts that only lasted for a day. 3 days after taking the medication, I noticed I was slightly better already but it wasn't enough.

3rd week. My doctor thought it might be best if I continued to take 100mg a month to see how it goes before increasing it anymore but I expressed that i felt terrible with the doubts and all, she increased it to 150 mg. Again, after 3 days thoughts were much less.

4th week. I told my doctor that i want maximum dose to get rid of it completely as it was working. She prescribed the maximum dose and told me usually the maximum dose works for OCD and so it did. After a week, I noticed I was getting better and I also felt this relief that it was only OCD that i wasn't gay because my attraction to women, fantasies and all were coming back again.

After 3 months of taking Sertraline 200mg, I was feeling a lot better and i wasn't crippled by the thoughts and anxiety anymore. I still had the thoughts and the doubts but i was able to let go more easily and think more clearly.

You should not give up on medication because it does help and you should give it time. From my experience, if the medication didnt have any good affects within the first few days, it didnt have any in the long term. Sertraline worked for me because it had no side affects except that I gained 5kg within 2 years and lost it on its own within 3 months after stopping.

Angloas wrote:I have gay friends and they told me millions of times that all these experiences aren't what gay people feel. They aren't terrified of being gay, the thought and idea seems normal and pleasuring for them, it doesn't give them anxiety. The only thing that gave anxiety to them was the thought of how they were going to come out. The thing about HOCD for me was the more i let the thoughts and "feelings" come through, the more it gave me anxiety and the more anxiety I had, thoughts came in more intense. So, it was just doubt + doubt = lost.

Well, I can find many counterarguments to prove you that it is possible to be gay, even considering what you said. But I don't want to, actually, I'm tired of this $hit...

Angloas wrote:You should learn to ignore feelings just as you are ignoring the thoughts, at least for a while and I know thats not easy.

As I said:
"I don't give any meaning to my sensations anymore, they just ARE, I don't think about them."

I just want all this sensations to go away.

Angloas wrote:It's really good that you are taking medication because it will give you a clearer mind.

I really hope so.

Angloas wrote:You should not give up on medication because it does help and you should give it time.

I'm not going to give up on medication. I have no choice. I want to feel better.

P.S. I found some research "Sertraline versus Paroxetine":
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15096081
What do you think?

Angloas wrote:From my experience, if the medication didnt have any good affects within the first few days, it didnt have any in the long term.

Wait. What? But you said: "you should give it time."
So should I quit my medication if it doesn't work within the first few days?


Why can't I have some distinct feelings, neither to men or women? Why I don't feel certainty?
I haven't felt certainty in this "love and sexuality" aspect of my life for a LONG TIME...
I didn't fall in love for about 5 years. Something is wrong with me.
Can I be so deeply in denial, and suppressing my feelings, that I can't recognize my homosexuality?
I really can't understand, I tried. The only way to get feelings towards men, is to start thinking and fantasizing myself as gay. (checking)
Maybe I didn't explore homosexuality enough? Maybe if I'd watch more gay-porn and fantasize more about men, I will get rid of anxiety, and perceive it as normal. I don't know... Why should I do it?

I really feel improvement sometimes. And mediTation really helps me. But it doesn't help me find out who I really am. Meditation just helps me to relax and be happy. But anyway, I will encounter situations in my life, where this "question" will raise again, and I will have to make decisions, sooner or later. I can not just shut up my mind all the time.