is this POCD?

Okay so I'm a 16 year old female and I was never worried about being a pedophile until yesterday. I've dealt with OCD before but it was primarily harm OCD. Well now that my harm OCD has gone away, it seems like another has taken its place. This past week or so I've been trying to discover my sexuality and all that teenager stuff. I concluded that I'm only sexually attracted to females. I had this thought yesterday of what if I'm a pedophile and I quickly brushed it aside. Today, however my little brother was running around the house (he's 3) and he wasn't wearing a shirt and then I looked at his back and I got this though of "he's attractive". I got really scared, I was on the verge of crying but I didn't have a full out panic attack. I kept trying to tell myself that it was just OCD but I'm not really sure of that because I don't know very much about POCD. The thing is is that I wasn't sexually attracted to him. Then I started ruminating and trying to imagine pictures of him naked or something (I know, I'm gross) to see if I was attracted to him or not. It didn't feel like I was attracted to him but I felt this sort of panic? (I don't know any other way to describe it) and a thought in my head everytime saying "you are totally attracted to him". I don't know what to do? I want to stop this soon because last time I let my harm OCD fester and it just made things worse. Extra information: when I was little i lived with my dad (he was abusive and was a sociopath, etc. ) and I moved out when I was 8 or 9 to live with my mom. The thing is is that my mom told me she had once caught my dad looking at child porn? I'm scared now because I'm wondering if there is some genetic link to pedophilia? Just a few days ago I was able to look up (grown) women that were naked and be fully attracted to them and now when I try to look that up, I don't feel attracted. I know this is all very confusing and I'm not even sure if this is OCD but I just need to know if I'm really attracted to my little brother or not. Please help me. Thank you.

As it is with almost all people who have OCD, it is not restricted to one thing. Often when that one thing is gone, the OCD leaps to another thing because the anxiety hasn't gone away.

I have never suffered POCD. There have been times where I have suffered other things regarding children, but not POCD.

For people with POCD, they confuse their naturally sense of seeing the beauty of a child with fears of wanting them sexually. This makes sense because the anxiety is always seeking out things to focus on, and all events of any significance get filtered through the anxiety.

One of the awful things about OCD is that even though you have had hundreds of examples of who you actually are, the OCD thoughts you are having at this moment seem real. Even more insidious is, the person who suffers OCD can totally think a previous obsession was silly now that it is gone, but somehow think that an equally silly one that they have now is real. And the cherry on top is when we wish the old obsessions would come back to replace this awful one.

I know, I've been there ten thousand times.

Do your best to ride it out, or whatever method you use to try and be better.

I think I'm just confusing my love for my brother with sexual desire somehow because of anxiety. It is so true how you said that past obsessions seem sillier and the thing is is that I have actually wished an old obsession back onto myself to replace the new one just like you said!

Not only might your OCD be placing a false sense of sexuality on the love you feel for your brother, I think it would be a reasonable guess that it is BECAUSE you love him and would never want to hurt him that you are having these thoughts. OCD, at least in my experience, makes the things that seem most detestable to YOU seem real.

Wow having OCD really sucks

sassy, OCD really really sucks. I'm male, suffering of hocd, pure-o, etc. you're not pedophile

Hi, I'm going through a really similar thing right now and it is terrifying. Mine started when I was a few years younger than you and reared its ugly head whenever something traumatic happened or I was feeling low generally. Atm I can't even look at a sweet child without getting a horrible thought telling me I fancy them or something. I hope it goes soon! For all of us. All I can say is that if it were real you probably wouldn't feel so anxious and worried about it

-- Tue May 13, 2014 8:09 pm --

I totally agree with what you guys said about wishing the old obsessions back. ANYTHING but this one please!

I feel the same way on how I can't even look at a child without getting the thoughts. It is terrible and it is something that I wish nobody had to go through. I hope you start feeling better and try to just ignore these terrible thoughts and not let them get to you. It is really hard to do that but I'm trying to at the moment and I seem to be doing better.