POCD or pedophilia?

Well, sometimes people who have certain paraphilias might imagine those they aren't attracted to in them when they haven't learned appropriateness of sexual fantasies yet. One example are discipline related fetishes. Sometimes adults role play and do S&M sexual activities involving discipline and spankings. Normally people associate spankings with children, so someone may be turned on by the scenario of spankings, but not by the child's actual physical sex features. So what adults will do instead of acting out their sex fantasies using a real child, they will role play with a partner acting as something such as a school girl, school boy, a child needing discipline, etc. However, when someone is only 14 and they have dominate type fantasies involving discipline, they might imagine an actual child because they fit the scenario, not because they find them attractive.

For me, it is mostly submissive S&M fantasies. So when I was a young teenager I sometimes looked at spanking photos and drawings of parents and children where I would imagine myself as the child getting spanked because that is what turned me on while masturbating. It was wrong, but it was a long time ago, and I wasn't sexually interested in the children when doing it.

So if it was something that was from a long time ago, maybe you were just either fantasizing about a scenario, or you were interested in younger girls in general at the time. You're only 17 so it is hard to judge.

This might sound a bit extreme, but I would suggest just not using porn at all if you can avoid it. I have given up porn for almost a couple months now and even when I occasionally go back and look at it for about a minute I stop because I see that it is potentially addicting and diminishes the experience of relieving tension. It was adult gay twink porn mostly, but I just use my imagination now and don't rely on looking at hundreds of pictures to find something I can masturbate to.

It was only a few years ago for you, so it might be hard for you to move on from this, but you have your whole life ahead of you and you can't judge your life in the past based on the wisdom you have now. If you aren't turn on by the same things you were when you were 14, you aren't a pedophile. You have to presently be attracted to pre-pubescent children and fantasize about sex with them to be a pedophile.