POCD or pedophilia?

Hi there, i'm new on this forum, i hope you guys can help me!
So, basically, i'm 17 years old and i have a very healthy sexual relationship with a 19 year old, and i only feel attracted to adult females on a day to day basis. But there are some things on my past i can't seem to let go...
When i was a early teenager (12,13,14,15, around that) i was very addicted to pornography, and you know how it works, it escalates and you need each time a bigger rush. So, when i was 13, i saw the worst thing possible: child porn. And i saw it like 3 or 4 times, and even though i found it gross, disgusting and wrong, i masturbated to it, and it was a pleasurable experience(of course, there was the guilt after) And when i was like 14 i saw nudist pictures of girls around my age at the time (11,12,13, etc) and i masturbated to that too quite a few times.
Recently i'v been remembering those things and i started to wonder: am i a pedophile? I mean, i saw child porn and was aroused by it, so that must mean something, right?
So, some facts about me:
I don't want to abuse a child
I never abused a child
I never was abused as a child
I was never sexually attracted to children(only in that child porn thing) never, NEVER wanted to abuse a child.
I never wanted to have a relationship with a child.
So, sorry about the long post, what do you guys think? am i a pedophile or is it ocd? cause i looked for child porn when i was a teenager, and i feel terrible about it now..

By child porn, do you mean children that are about 5-10, or young adolescent and teen girls?

To be a pedophile you need to be or have been 16 years old at least at the time of your urges, that have to have been ongoing for at least 6 consecutive months, and they have to involve desires for sexual contact with pre-pubescent children. Some girls develop into puberty as early as 11 years old now days. It is rare, but it is possible especially with the type of society we are in with hormones being injected into meat products, and evolution working through gene mutations is making it possible for people to develop into puberty at younger ages.

However, you said you were 13 at the time. Do you still fantasize about sex with children, or have you outgrown it? It is possible maybe you just like younger girls. I am gay, but I prefer younger guys, such as older teenagers (18-19) and young adults (20-21), and I'm 26. When I was only 18-20, I found young adolescents and teenagers attractive but I don't anymore. The most I find them is cute basically.

For an actual pedophile, there typically is no doubt about it.

Why would you feel guilty about masturbating to adolescent and teen girls when you were 14? That seems pretty normal to me.

They were young, like 9, 10, 11, 12, about that age!
No, i never fantasise about having sex with children or young pubescent teens,i outgrown it, i just fantasize about girls my age (16+) i really do not have any sexual thoughts about children, but when i was a teen i masturbated to child porn(8 years old sortta child porn), and that disturbs me, you know? does that mean i'm a pedophile?

If it was just one time it was possibly a similarity in their characteristics to older girls you found attractive. Was it possibly a fetish you fantasized about? Normally when it comes to fetishes, we aren't necessarily attracted to the people we picture when masturbating, but we just find it most suitable to our fantasies.

For example, I've fantasized about being a 9 year old boy being spanked by an older woman as a punishment. However, I'm not attracted to older women, or any women.

To be a pedophile you had to have been 16 years old at the time your fantasies of sexual intercourse with pre-pubescent children were going on, and they had to have been ongoing for more than six months. That is the criteria for pedophilia. The children also had to have been at least five years younger than you.

You made a mistake when you were 14 and first learning about sex. Now the women you are into are your own age. It's time to just let it go and move forward with your life.

If you looked at those same little girls now, would they arouse you? Did they even arouse you at all at the time or were you just compulsively thinking about sex with any younger female you saw? Often, child molesters are not pedophiles, but people who are compulsive sex addicts that want to take advantage of others. This doesn't mean you're a child molester, but it's possible when you were 14 and your hormones were developing and you had the compulsion to masturbate a lot more you were just picturing whatever seemed most relevant to your fantasy.

The important thing is you are past that so you just need to look forward, not backwards.

No, they wouldn't arouse me! It was a couple of times when i was a teenager that i masturbated to CP, but it was sorta of a compulsive porn addiction sort of thing, you know? not really any special attraction.....
But no, i wouldn't be aroused by any children in a non-sexual situation, never. I never was, and i never fantasise about children. Just with girls my age.

So, what do you think? is it pedophilia or POCD? am i normal?

GMG wrote:i really do not have any sexual thoughts about children

There. There's your proof that you're not a pedophile. The primary requirement of pedophilia is a sexual interest in children, and if you don't have that, then you don't qualify!

What you fantasized about, and masturbated to, at age 14, in my books, doesn't count. At that age, a guy will masturbate to just about any human female in existence. Any girl from Internet models to school cheerleaders to neighbours to even immediate relatives are fair game for fantasy material at that age.

What's important is that;

a) you didn't act on it, even at that age, and
b) you outgrew it, and in relatively short order, from the sounds of things.

So no, I don't think you were ever really a pedophile; you were probably just a normal, horny teenage boy - just like the rest of us were.

But i even looked for it a couple of times when i was 14/15, it had sort of a taboo thing to it, i knew it was wrong, but i was horny and i looked for it like 2 times...... Does that make me a pedophile, looking for CP in purpose? when i was a teenager, of course.... I never did that again, and never want to do that, and i never had any fantasies with children in a day to day basis, or any fantasies at all with them really...

Looking at it twice as a young teen rates as a pair of momentary lapses in judgment, not as pedophilia. If you were looking at it twice a day for five years, I'd be concerned, but you weren't.

At that age, we all did our share of boneheaded moves that we're not particularly proud of; consider that, yours.

Like I said....

The requirements are...

16 years of age or older
Being attracted to pre-pubescent children at least five years younger
Ongoing for more than the past six months

Therefore, if you don't meet those requirements, you wouldn't be diagnosed with pedophilia. It definitely seems to be POCD.

If you ask this question on the Paraphilias forum, there are pedophiles there that likely would tell you that you are not a pedophile.

So it was just a dickish teenage thing, not a paraphilia? i am not a pedophile then for doing that? and i got a question: being aroused by children in sexual situations(child porn) is normal? is it pedophilia when you are aroused by them not in sexual situations, but in cotidian things?
by the way, thanks a lot for the help, you guys!