HOCD vs. Being in the Closet/in Denial

Being afraid of being gay doesn't mean in denial. Usually if you're in denial, you try to make excuses for how your attraction to other males is either only temporary or isn't complete sexual attraction. If you're afraid of it, you'll usually worry that you have some characteristics that may be feminine or that you don't conform to heterosexual stereotypes.

Do you want to be romantic and have sex with a guy? If yes, then you're gay. If you don't, but just fear becoming that way, then you're compulsively doubt checking.

What you're trying to do is prove that you're not gay, the way I tried to prove I wasn't a pedophile. This simply cannot be done. It's the same thing as trying to prove that god does or doesn't exist.

-- Mon Feb 17, 2014 4:05 pm --

helpisneeded wrote:your post really helped me i mean my case seems so diffrent tho because im in a relationship with a girl and it stated when i thought to myself why do i fail in relationships and get bored so easily my mind said because your gay and thats when the hocd took over my life!!!!!!!!!!

Being heterosexual doesn't mean you're going to have the same desires for a relationship as others. Why do you think there are so many marriages that end up in divorce now that the stigma against divorce has declined?

I am gay, but I really don't want any relationship at all.

http://jackieleasommers.com/2013/06/30/ ... k-at-hocd/

This might ease some fears.

This is actually a really good site that was just posted above, and I would respond most similar to the homosexual answers.

I never found women attractive ever. I wasn't so sure about men, because even now there are very few men I do find attractive, but it is only men that I find attractive and not women. I didn't really have much questioning over this. Mostly my in denial feelings where whether or not my feelings were permanent or temporary, and why I didn't conform to as many gay stereotypes or like the idea of many sexual acts of homosexuality.

Thanks for your brilliant post! I'm a woman and your story helped so much I think some girls are pretty and I look at their outfits to get ideas for myself. I've have a few same sex fantasies but thats all. Thanks for you help

-- Tue Aug 26, 2014 1:51 pm --

Thanks for your brilliant post! I'm a woman and your story helped so much I think some girls are pretty and I look at their outfits to get ideas for myself. I've have a few same sex fantasies but thats all. Thanks for you help

bump. cause lots of people with HOCD / POCD need to read this.

Thanks for bumping it.

It took a long time to write the story.

Keep in mind though, this is personally how I got through POCD, which is a another sexual OCD. This may and should help several people, but if it doesn't, then don't give up, there is still hope.

jack when it came to denial did you actually want to think about guys in your fantasies or had you tried to think about girls? what scares me is i have this urge that i have to go home and fantasise about a guys but I really dont want to. What I can't figure out is if that is me denying what i want to do as im scared of it or whether its my brain getting confused.

For me, the only natural tendency was to think about whatever was most erotic when masturbating which usually involved the fetishes I had that I discussed in the original post.

What I don't know is how old you are or when these started. Did you begin this as soon as you started thinking about sex? If you remember I never remotely desired to be sexual with a woman. I was appalled at the idea of it. Do you feel you want to be in a sexual encounter with a guy or do you fear it so you naturally focus on it? When I was younger, I had the natural tendency to think about little boys sexually, but wasn't attracted to them. This was because my fan tastes involved childish things. However, the only time I feel really sexually erotic towards touching the private areas of another guy is when they are young men. Do you not like women at all and that is why you feel you might want men? That makes the difference

well even now when I have tried to masturbate to think about guys to see how i feel my mind ends up switching to women but then it feels like i dunno only way to describe it is like a banging on my head to think about guys i have to really focus not to. This has never happened before tho no im 25 and all i have ever fantasised about is girls never even crossed my mind to think about guys and it all began when i didnt get an erection with my girlfriend, my sex drive had dropped and even now i struggle to erect sometime im fine with my girlfriend other times absoloutely nothing which tends to terrify me.

What I cant tell is that wether I fear it or want it, I was out for dinner with a guy from work and all i could think about was would i want this to be a date would I want to hold his hand. It was fear the first million times i thoguht about it but over the last couple of months i think it and now I just wonder whether I want it I genuinely can't tell.

I don't know how I still whenI see a hot girl think flip shes really hot but then my mind is like doesnt matter you like guys and all I do now is notice guys eveyrwhere and decide whether theyre good looking or not. I don't think its sexual attraction I really don't think I have a desire to hve sex with a man (I am religious and wouldn't follow through anyway I would have to accept being alone) but then my lack of sex drive makes me wonder if thats because I am denying myself

I used to be religious and worried about it, but I would only think that what can help you is getting over the moral stigma that religions have against homosexuality. Without the fear of being gay, then you won't really need to feel that way because you'd be more secure. If it really goes against your religion that much, then looking at women and trying to think about them in a sexual manner would be violating your beliefs at the same time, because you have violated many religious morals just by doing that.


Again, this is not me saying that you are gay and you should lose your religious beliefs and come out of the closet, it is saying you really should rethink whether or not basing your religious values on sexual orientation is really helping you, because fearing gay people as the antagonists to your values might be what is causing this fear as it did for me. However, mine was different because I wasn't really thinking that I was gay just because I lost some interest in women. I never had it in the first place. So basically, you don't have to be against gay people to be religious, and if you are being told by your religious organization or belief system what is moral and what isn't, that could be part of what is creating this fear that you cannot rid yourself of.

If you want me to answer you though on what I think your sexual orientation is, I think that you are 100% not gay. You are going through a period where you no longer have the teenage horny feelings which it is natural for you to see a slow decrease in your libido. Also, did you know that men naturally lose attraction to someone or something with increased familiarity? If you need help with a low sex drive, then you can see a doctor for that, but you also should consider finding other interests than sex and romance with your girlfriend to make a relationship last long term as well if you haven't already.