NPD forum

Quoth wrote:It’s curious that you say that, iirc Jasmer once said much the same thing. It’s kind of contrary to the impression of NPD in the zeitgeist.

This quote (from another thread) made me feel a bit nostalgic. I really miss Jasmer. The forum isn’t the same without her. When I first joined there were a handful of pwNPD posting here who wanted to share their personal experience and drive thoughtful discussions. Pretty much everyone but Akuma is gone.

Aside from being a place for channel-hoppers when ASPD is slow, I’m not really sure what this forum is about anymore. It doesn’t appear that there are enough pwNPD contributing for it to serve its purpose.

What is its purpose?

Based on how PF is structured across dozens of forums, as well as comments made previously here by mods, it’s to provide support for people who have, or suspect they have, NPD. Support is not particularly well-defined, but I don’t have a problem with that. Narcissists are not known for bearing their souls or turning to others for help. So I think of support more along the lines of creating a place that enables people who may be facing similar challenges to interact with one another. I’m tempted to use the word community - but it doesn’t apply in this context.

Another way to look at it is that the purpose is what we posters make of it. But there doesn’t seem to be enough investment for that to matter.

What are your thoughts, Akuma?

I thought you were doing a good job of getting this forum moving again. I try to contribute where I can to help get it going again, I just think it will take awhile.

Nothing really I disagree with here other than that community probably is the best word. It’s certainly what we’ve called it on every site i’ve worked on.

I think (as I did when middie was posting similar things) that the policy of allowing repetitive interventions by a gallery of people seeking their ‘pound of narc flesh’, to borrow your phrase, on the basis that it somehow benefits everyone, was a mistake. Both in the sense that it fails to take into account the nature of NPD, as well as the fact that the community simply doesn’t have the activity to support it. In saying this however I recognise that this is a private site and can do whatever it damn well pleases. It is simply that having spent several years under variations of the term senior staff elsewhere on the interwebs, my first move would to give this forum an assertive ‘for people with NPD’ shift in policy so as to bring it more in line with that found in the relationship and BPD forums.

That being said....

I also recognise that I am as someone here called me an ‘equal opportunities offender’ rubbing narc and non up the wrong way at regular intervals. Also that my combativeness and tendency to meander can derail threads more effectively than any amount narc hating. While i’ve always been more attached to the NPD forum than AsPD, my view is that it is ultimately for people such as yourself to obtain the support they need. In this light of this I am prepared to quietly bow out if you feel it would improve things Kim.

ZombieZ wrote:I thought you were doing a good job of getting this forum moving again. I try to contribute where I can to help get it going again, I just think it will take awhile.

Thanks, Z. I appreciate your contributions here. And thanks for the compliment as well, although getting the forum moving again wasn't a role I was really prepared to take on. I'm hoping it's a collaborative effort (says the self proclaimed non team player).

Quoth wrote:Nothing really I disagree with here other than that community probably is the best word. It’s certainly what we’ve called it on every site i’ve worked on.

I avoided the word community purposely. There are threads from the past that cover this, but pwNPD tend not to feel part of a community. Alone in a crowd.

Quoth wrote:I also recognise that I am as someone here called me an ‘equal opportunities offender’ rubbing narc and non up the wrong way at regular intervals. Also that my combativeness and tendency to meander can derail threads more effectively than any amount narc hating.

For my part, I appreciate your thoughtful, candid approach and if people get their feathers ruffled, so much the better. This forum would be useless without the perspective of nons -- although I don't really think of you as a non, I know you don't share all of the same issues I do. I think the "Sex" thread is a pretty good example of why it's important to have diverse perspectives at play.

Quoth wrote:In this light of this I am prepared to quietly bow out if you feel it would improve things Kim.

The forum would be in a worse place without your contributions, so please don't. And I've put the crossbow down.

My understanding was that PD forums where first and foremost a place to discuss the topic as opposed to closed community, something I've sourced from various retired mods' posts. If things have or ever changed, it would have to be spelled out in non-equivocal terms.

Some forums are vibrant some forums are dead. I find that dead forums are forums where people validate each others a lot. The lack of tension breeds stagnancy. Some people shy away from tensions, I don't. I'm confident that tensions can find resolution as long as they are clearly expressed. Expressing them appropriately is the challenge. Basically all you need is a structure, and a little bit of chaos to build a community. I can see this forum achieving that, I mean, why not?

As for what fuels the forum, in my opinion, it has and always will be introspective insights from people with NPD. To me they're the wind and sails of the forum. But I think 'nons' can bring structure so as to avoid collective delusion.

In the past when a balance was achieved, people naturally came fill in the thread.

To be clear, what I meant is: the ball is in your court, guys.

"It is very difficult for a narcissist to be thrown into the pain-zone of poor reflection, and choose to stay with that pain for sufficient time to self-reflect and see what it's about - those who can do that have my respect."

Kimera,

I hope Eight doesn't mind my quoting this excerpt from her reply in your "Sex" thread, but this speaks to what the purpose of this forum should be.

And I'm speaking only as a user, not as a mod here.

realityhere wrote:I hope Eight doesn't mind my quoting this excerpt from her reply in your "Sex" thread, but this speaks to what the purpose of this forum should be.

I don't mind the quoting - I meant what I wrote.

It feels good to me to encounter some people with PDs/PD traits who are doing the work to become more at ease with themselves, while also decreasing whatever harm they might be bringing upon other people.

If someone is living their life in the way they wish, and it isn't harming others, I say more power to them. They have my respect for whatever effort it takes on their part to do just that. It is no small thing to work on one's personality.

Interacting with a few narcissistic people in this forum in the past was assistive to me in delving more deeply into my own pain deposited in childhood from being the child of a narcissist. For that, and for those people I met here, I am thankful.

It strikes me that PF is one of the few sites where people with PDs can come, present themselves honestly, not get beat up for how they are, while also not being congratulated or rewarded for having a particular personality, and interact with some respect with others, both PD'ed and not. That has been valuable to me. I think it's also an essential part of the purpose of these PF subforums.